The Mind of Atlantis
by Titan5
Summary: This is a sequel to Mind of a Child. As John continues to explore his connection to Atlantis, he discovers that she is more than just a city and she has a lot to teach him.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters. This is just for fun.

Note: This is a sequel to "Mind of a Child" and begins about two weeks after that story ends. They are both set about midway through the first season.

Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 1

"I still can't get this one to work," said Rodney in exasperation. Sheppard walked over to the console and stood looking at it, one hand cradling his chin as his elbow rested on the other arm now folded in front of his chest. He moved his hand across the panel, but nothing happened.

"Oh...got it." He shifted several tiles around and then sat in the floor beside the platform. He laid back in such a way that he could lean his head under the console and began poking around.

"Do you really know what you're doing?" asked McKay, bending over and trying to see what Sheppard was up to.

"Yes, McKay...for the forty-third time today, I know what I'm doing. You're giving me a headache." Sheppard really did have a headache, but it wasn't just now kicking in. He'd been fighting it since he climbed out of bed that morning. He could feel the exhaustion creeping in and weighing him down. Beckett was going to have his hide. Beckett had released him from the infirmary one week ago with instructions to rest and take it easy. He'd gotten bored after a couple of days and started bothering McKay in his lab. Three days ago, the daring duo had decided to check out the ancient lab that had reduced Sheppard to a six-year old (at least in mind, if not body) not so long ago. They just poked around checking things out for a couple of hours the first day, but had been hard at work trying to get things up and running the past two days. Sheppard was beginning to think there might have been a valid reason for Beckett telling him to take it easy.

"John Sheppard?" A faint whisper.

Sheppard sat up suddenly, banging his head on the edge of the console as he failed to completely clear it. "Ow! Dang it! What?" He pulled his head out from under the console, rubbing the top as he glared at McKay. "What do you want?"

McKay looked confused. "I don't want anything...except maybe for you to hurry."

"Then why did you call me?"

"Look, Major, I didn't call you. I didn't say anything. Are you done yet?"

Sheppard shook his head. "Oh...I thought I heard my name...uh, yeah, I'm done. Let's try it again." He stood up and moved his hand across the face of the console, lighting it up like a Christmas tree. "There, told you I knew..."

McKay glanced up in time to see Sheppard starting to lean unsteadily to one side. Grabbing Sheppard's arm, he steered him to a chair and pushed him into it. Sheppard leaned forward and put his head in his hands.

McKay looked at his watch. "Oh, holy crap. It's almost 10 o'clock. If Beckett knew I'd had you hear this long...We've got to get back and get you into bed. Are you okay? Do I need to call Beckett? Of course if I do, we're both doomed to an eternity of..."

"McKay!" Sheppard sat up and looked at him. " I'm okay. Just got a little dizzy, okay?"

McKay realized for the first time how tired Sheppard looked. "Why didn't you tell me you needed to quit? You know how I get caught up in what I'm doing. Just tell me you're tired and we'll take a break."

Sheppard gave a small smile. "Hey, McKay. I'm tired. How about let's take a break?"

"Funny. Very funny." McKay had been around Sheppard enough to read the lines in his face. "You're hurting, too. Headache?"

Sheppard was surprised that McKay had picked up on that. "Yeah...a little one."

"Liar," he snorted. "Can you make it back to your quarters?"

Sheppard looked annoyed. "I'm tired...not an invalid. Of course I can make it back."

McKay nodded. "Good. Let's get out of here then...before Beckett finds us."

"Sounds like a plan, McKay." Sheppard got up and walked over to the large console in the center of the room. He sat down in front of it and placed his hands in the indentions provided for just that. The now familiar blue light came up from the floor and covered him, seeming to hover for a minute as he sat concentrating. Everything else in the room went dark. The blue light returned to the floor. McKay watched for a few seconds before walking over to stand by Sheppard and put his hand on his shoulder.

"You okay?"

Sheppard startled slightly at his touch and opened his eyes. McKay wondered briefly if the man had drifted off to sleep.

"I'm good...just really tired. Let's get back." The control console went dark as he walked away and the room darkened as the two men headed out the door and back to the main part of the city. Sheppard could have sworn he heard faint whispers as they walked quietly down the corridor, but said nothing to McKay. He was pretty sure his exhaustion was causing him to hear things and he didn't want to give McKay any more cause to call Beckett. He had no intention of returning to the infirmary any time soon. But then, you know what they say about the best laid plans...

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Sheppard looked around and realized he was on a balcony. It appeared to be the balcony over the southwest pier, his favorite because of both the view and its secluded location. The question of the hour was how did he get here? The last thing he remembered was climbing into bed, so tired he could barely think and his head throbbing like someone inside had a sledgehammer.

"John Sheppard?"

Sheppard turned toward the sound of the soft voice to see a woman with long, blonde hair dressed in a flowing white gown. Her features were soft and her eyes were a bright, crystal blue. "You are John Sheppard. We have been waiting for you."

John's expression illustrated his confusion. "Well, it seems you know my name. Who are you and how did you get here?"

The woman smiled. "I am Atlantis and I have always been here."

"You...are Atlantis? I...I don't understand. The city is Atlantis."

She continued to smile as if explaining something simple to a child. "I...I represent Atlantis...I guess you could say I'm the mind of Atlantis. Everything in the city is coordinated through me. And yet the city is also divided into segments that can be operated independently. But I am the one who makes it whole. I unify the parts so that collectively we form Atlantis."

"You said you have been waiting on me. Me specifically?"

"No, not particulary on John Sheppard. We have been waiting on the builders to return. We always knew they would come back, and now you have. We have sensed your presence in the city and have wondered why you did not seek us out. Have you not heard me calling to you?"

Sheppard thought for a minute about all the times he seemed to feel something in the city...a living presence...a presence he had ignored, assuming he was imagining things. Sometimes it seemed as though someone was whispering in his ear. He knew he had heard whispering as he and McKay left the lab. It had been Atlantis calling him. "I guess I heard...but I did not understand. You have to understand that I'm not really an ancient. I have a gene that they had...well, maybe more than one if you listen to McKay, but I'm not an ancient. I don't know anything about this stuff."

"That would explain why you had your recent trouble that affected your mind. We were glad to see that you were able to be repaired. You seem to be the only one capable of unlocking the quantae so that Atlantis can be fully awakened. Since you have not been prepared, I will guide you as to what must be done and how to use your...gene. You may not think you are an ancient, but to Atlantis you are. You just need to be trained."

Sheppard was getting excited now. "So...you'll help me know what to do? That would be great! There's so much here that is over our head. We're really hoping to get enough up and running that we can protect the city against the wraith."

Atlantis frowned. "The wraith. They are the scourge of the galaxy. I look forward to the day we are rid of them."

"You and me both," said Sheppard. "So...what can you tell me?"

Atlantis smiled and once again, Sheppard found himself feeling like a child in the presence of a much older and wiser adult. "First you must slow down. You are draining your energy too quickly. The consoles that you have been activating, the ones with the quantae, draw energy from the person using them. You must actually form an interface...a bond with the technology. This was not a problem in the grand days of Atlantis. There were many people who were trained to operate each one and they took turns so that no one person became too weak. You have been trying to operate several by yourself with no time to recover in between. Is there no one else with this...ancient gene?"

Sheppard sighed. "We do have others with the gene, but mine seems to be...stronger, for lack of a better word. We could bring some people down and try, I suppose."

Atlantis paused and frowned again, cocking her head as if she was listening to something. "You may if you wish, but you are right that yours is the strongest. It is you that we have been sensing, so I do not think any other will have the ability to unlock the quantae. They may be useful in the future, however. Once you are trained and have the technology set and initiated, you may instruct it to run with the assistance of others with the gene. It must still be you that starts and stops the process, as well as makes any adjustments in its function. We will discuss this later. You have done too much these past two days. You must rest and then we will proceed. But you must allow me to guide you. If you do not use the technology properly, it can be dangerous."

"Yeah," Sheppard sighed. "Tell me about it," he said, remembering his recent time with the mental capacity of a child. "Is that why I had that headache all day...because we worked too long?"

"Yes. And if you continue without a proper recovery period, it can have serious consequences. I must go and let you rest. I will visit you again when you are ready and tell you what you should do next. But I will always be here and I am always listening."

"Was that you today...in the lab?" Sheppard asked, suddenly remembering hearing his name.

"Yes, that was me. I was trying to find a way to communicate with you."

"Well...I'll be listening from now on. I just didn't understand before."

She put her hand on his arm. "I know you feel at home here. More at home than you have ever felt before. The reason is because you belong here. Atlantis is your home. It is where you were meant to be. Together, we will make the city alive again."

Sheppard smiled at her, knowing in his heart that she was right. He was home.

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Bang! Bang! Bang! Sheppard, lying on his stomach, jerked his head up at the sudden, loud rapping caused by someone beating on his door.

"Major! Are you in there? Open the door." He put his face back down into the pillow. Rodney McKay. What did he want and what time was it anyway?

"Just a minute!" he yelled toward the door. He twisted around and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He started to get up, wishing the door would open on its own. The door swooshed open to reveal McKay with his hand in the air as if to knock, Carson Beckett, and Elizabeth Weir. They stood there looking surprised for a few seconds, until McKay finally voiced what they were all thinking.

"How...how did you do that?"

Sheppard was as surprised as any of them. "I...I just thought that I wished the door would open by itself...and it did. Cool. Now I can get into that." Sheppard went to stand, but swayed unsteadily. Beckett was beside him almost instantly, taking him by the arm and guiding him back down to the bed.

"Take it easy, lad. Have a seat and let me have a look at ya'."

"Wait a minute," Sheppard said irritably, pulling his arm away from the doctor as he stood back up. "Nature is calling...and very loudly I might add." He shouldered his way past the doctor and into the bathroom. He returned a few minutes later and, at Beckett's direction, sat back down on the edge of the bed.

"Why are all of you here? Did I miss a meeting or something? And what time is it?"

Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed beside him. "We were worried about you. No one's seen you all day and we couldn't raise you on the radio. John...it's five o'clock."

"Five? As in 1700 hours? You're kidding!" John began frantically looking around for his watch. How could he have slept almost 18 hours? And the kicker was that he still felt drained and he still had that killer sledgehammer headache. He realized that he was really hot, too.

"Calm down, Major. Yes, it's really five p.m. That's why we were worried about you. Have you slept all this time? And you might as well know, lad...Rodney told me everything." Beckett eyed him suspiciously, a warning to tell the truth.

Sheppard scowled at McKay. The traitor. "Yes...well, no...er, uh, actually yes." He was getting confused. He remembered being on a balcony talking to someone, but he couldn't remember to whom or when it had happened. He thought it was recent, but he couldn't actually remember going to the balcony or leaving the balcony. His headache was escalating and, as he put his hand to his forehead, he felt the sweat slicking his brow. He felt slow and sluggish and he was starting to feel dizzy again. He was vaguely aware of Beckett saying something about a fever and hands helping him lay back on the bed and then the darkness swirled in and washed him away.

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Beckett sat down at his desk and looked across it to Elizabeth Weir and Rodney McKay.

"Carson, what happened... is he okay?" asked Elizabeth, worry lines etched into her face.

"He'll be fine. As near as I can tell, he's overdone it - now there's a surprise. He's exhausted, slightly dehydrated, and running a bit of a fever. He'll be my guest for a few days 'til his temperature is back down and he's properly rested." Carson glared at McKay. "Rodney! Are ya daft, man? What were ya thinkin' , workin' him in that lab all those hours when ya knew he was supposed to be takin' it easy? We almost lost the Major Sheppard **we** know in that lab and ya drag him back down there and near work him to death."

"First of all," McKay said angrily, "I didn't drag anyone. He was bugging me to do something because he was bored. You know how he is. He can't just sit still, he's got to be doing something all the time. He's like a child..." McKay cringed at the unintended reference. "Well, you know what I mean."

Beckett sighed heavily. "I know Rodney...but next time...can't you just tell him no or at least quit a little earlier or call me and I'll come after him. If he's not going to look after himself, then we'll have to help him."

"I'm sorry. You're right, of course. We didn't intend to stay long and...we just got caught up in what we were doing. I didn't realize it was so late or that we'd been there that long. I didn't...I didn't mean for him to get sick." McKay's first thought had been to defend himself, but that had quickly given way to guilt over Sheppard's condition.

"I know lad. I didn't mean to be so harsh with you. It's only been a week since I got him out of here and I'm a wee bit worried about the Major. I've seen entirely too much of him lately. Why don't we go check on him?" With that, Beckett stood and headed for the door. Weir and McKay followed right behind him.

Sheppard seemed restless as they approached the bed, moving around under the covers and mumbling softly in his sleep. Beckett stepped up and checked his IV line. After he took the Major's pulse, he turned back to McKay and Weir. They were both leaned forward and concentrating, trying to hear what Sheppard was saying. Beckett listened for a minute, but couldn't make any sense of it.

"Do you hear that?" McKay asked Weir, disbelief on his face.

"I hear it," she said, "but I'm not sure I believe it. How is that possible?"

Beckett stared at the two in confusion. "What are you two talkin' about?"

McKay looked over at him. "Can't you hear him, Carson? He's speaking Ancient."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, I think I have picked myself up off the floor. WOW. You guys sure know how to make a person feel good. Warm fuzzies doesn't even begin to cover it. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I've been walking ten feet off the ground all day. And yes, there will be John whumping (Hel-lo! Look who the author is. You know I can't help it!). Okay - about speaking Ancient. There will be bits of gibberish I'm trying to pass off as Ancient. I have no idea how to "make up a language" and I sure don't know anything about Ancient. So...just forgive those moments and I will try to keep them at a minimum.

Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 2

John found himself back on the balcony. He leaned heavily against the railing, feeling the full effects of the exhaustion and fever plaguing him.

"You are ill."

He looked around to see Atlantis standing next to him, watching him with concern. "You think?" he asked sarcastically. He sighed and rubbed his hand across his face. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's not your fault...it's my own. Guess I'm just grouchy cause I feel like crap."

"Rest and you will get better. Then we can talk." She started to turn away.

"Wait! I think...Did I call you here?" he asked unsurely.

"That is why I am here. I told you I would be listening if you needed me."

"I remember...I just...my mind's kind of muddled right now and I'm having trouble thinking clearly. I couldn't remember if I called you here or not. I wanted to talk about Atlantis." She raised her eyebrows. "I mean the city...you know, how I should go about waking it up...bringing it to its potential." He felt like he was rambling and his thoughts seemed incoherent even to him. He wasn't sure if he was making sense or not. Man, he felt bad. He felt his knees begin to buckle and then her arms were around his waist. She helped him sit down and turn so that his back rested against the solid bottom part of the railing. "I guess it's pretty sad when you can't even stand up in your dreams."

"It is not just a dream, John. Part of you is actually here on this balcony with me. That is why coming to talk to me in your dreams also drains your energy. It would not be so much if you were well, but when you are already tired and ill, it can be very bad for you. In time, you will learn to talk with me in a way that does not tire you so. But for now, I must go and let you rest. We will talk later when you are stronger. Listen for me...I will help you."

He wanted to call to her and tell her not to leave, but he didn't have the energy. He just looked up and she was gone. He could hear the ocean waves crashing far below and he could see the bright light of the stars in the nightime sky overhead. A gentle breeze wafted over his skin, the scent of the saltwater below filling his nostrils before he drifted off into a deep sleep.

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Dr. Nick Strauhan and nurse Kelly Chastain were doing their rounds and checking on patients. They had started at the far end of the infirmary and worked their way to the patient closest to the duty nurse's desk. Tonight that patient would be Major John Sheppard.

Nick noted Sheppard's pulse on the chart and turned to Kelly. "What his temperature?"

"Hmmmm. Looks like it's up...he's at 103."

Nick frowned as he wrote. "His blood pressure and pulse are both down." He leaned over and gently shook the Major. "Major Sheppard, can you wake up for me for a minute?" Getting no response, he tried two more times before giving up and making a note on the chart. "This is very peculiar and I'm not liking it one bit." He looked up at the almost empty IV bag. "Why don't you go ahead and change his IV...I think I may hook him up to the heart monitor...just as a precaution."

Kelly nodded. "Think we should call Dr. Beckett?"

Nick hesitated, obviously thinking about how to respond to her question. "No...not yet anyway. Let's just keep a close eye on him for now. Let me see what the monitor shows." They each busied themselves, taking care of the tasks at hand.

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Beckett, very much in tune with what went on in his infirmary, noticed the sound of a heart monitor as soon as he crossed the threshold. He also knew that no one had been on one when he left the evening before, so his concern level automatically shifted up a notch. He wasn't surprised when he saw the beeping monitor was sitting next to Major Sheppard's bed. Fortunately, nothing else looked different. Sheppard just seemed to be sleeping. He automatically went over to check the man's vital signs and IV line. By the time he had finished, Nick Strauhan had joined him.

"Should I check his vitals again for the chart, or would you just like to record what you got?" asked Nick, grinning at a caught-red-handed Beckett.

Beckett, a little miffed at having been seen checking out the patients before talking to the attending physician, took the chart. "I might as well write it down." He noted the readings on the chart. "Didn't get a temperature yet."

Kelly appeared on cue. "I'll get that, doctor."

Beckett motioned toward the monitor. "What happened?"

Nick shrugged. "Nothing big. His fever was up, blood pressure and pulse were down, and he was unresponsive. I just hooked him up as a precaution. About an hour later, everything improved somewhat. We got him to wake up enough to answer a couple of questions and then I let him go back to sleep. I'm not sure what was going on, but it had me a little concerned."

Beckett nodded. "I may leave him hooked up a while today and see how it goes."

"His temperature is still holding at 101," reported Kelly.

Beckett noted that on Sheppard's chart. Nick filled Beckett in on the condition of the other patients in the infirmary. There were three additional patients, all with mild injuries, so the briefing didn't take long. When they had finished, Beckett told Nick and Kelly they were officially relieved and free to go.

"How about some dinner?" asked Nick as he and Kelly headed for the door.

"Don't you mean breakfast? After all, it's only 0800."

"Hey, I'm at the end of my workday, not the beginning. I want dinner. A big, juicy steak and a baked potato smothered with butter and sour cream would be nice."

Kelly laughed. "Not in this galaxy, mister."

"That's doctor to you," he replied light heartedly as they walked out the door. Beckett just grinned and shook his head. Sometimes Nick reminded him a little bit of Sheppard. Must be something about the U.S. Air Force that affected both pilots and doctors.

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Sheppard was surprised to awaken to the steady beeping of a heart monitor. Actually, confused might be a more accurate description. He was relatively certain by the proximity of the sound that the monitor was his, but he was also relatively certain that he wasn't injured or ill enough to need a heart monitor. He forced his eyes open against the light, deciding that he needed to find out what was going on.

"John?" He blinked against the light, trying to bring the face into focus, even though he had already recognized the voice.

"Elizabeth?" he said softly, his voice sounding almost as weak as he felt.

"Just let me get Carson...I'll be right back." By the time he had the world focused, she was gone. He tried to lift his head from the pillow to get a better look around, but the blinding pain that seemed to flash through his temples and behind his eyes caused him to quickly give that thought up. He groaned slightly, bringing his hand up to his head. And there was the expected IV line taped to the back of his hand. Just another day in the infirmary, his home away from home.

"Major, good to see you awake. How do you feel?" Beckett immediately began to check the monitors as he waited for Sheppard's reply.

"Tired. Headache. What's with the heart monitor, doc?"

"You can thank Dr. Strauhan for that one. Your fever went up during the night, while your heart rate and blood pressure went down enough to worry him. He also said you were unresponsive for about an hour. He hooked you up to the monitors as a precaution."

"But...you can remove them now, right?" he asked hopefully.

"Not just yet, Major. I'd like to keep an eye on you for a wee bit longer."

"Oh, goody," Sheppard said sarcastically. "What time is it, anyway?"

"It's almost noon," replied Elizabeth.

"Wow...I guess Atlantis was right."

Beckett and Weir exchanged a look, causing Sheppard to realize what he had said. He still wasn't sure how real his Atlantis was and so was reluctant to share his dreams with the two people standing there looking at him like he had lost it. They just happened to be the only two people who could ground him indefinitely and he thought he'd been grounded quite enough lately, thank you very much. So...he did the only thing he could. He covered.

"Sorry. Weird dream I had last night. Kind of like an inside joke, I guess." He flashed his best 'everything-is-okay' smile at them. And, after all, that wasn't a lie.

"Elizabeth...have you asked him yet?" Rodney asked breathlessly as he rushed into the infirmary, Teyla and Ford close on his heels.

"Hey, Major. How are you feeling?" asked Ford, ignoring McKay's earlier question.

"Excuse me...question on the table. Elizabeth, you didn't answer me. Did you ask him yet?"

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes at McKay. "No Rodney, not yet. He's only been awake a few minutes. I was trying to let him get his bearings first. If you would just be patient."

Sheppard was getting annoyed as his headache seemed to get worse. "Ford...I'm fine. McKay, what the heck are you yammering about? If you have a question, just ask already and then leave me alone."

"Rodney," Beckett warned. "You'll not be upsettin' my patient or you'll be leavin' with my boot in your backside."

Teyla, sensing that Sheppard was still tired and not feeling well, said, "Perhaps we should come back later. I believe that the Major needs to rest."

"The **Major** just wants to know what's going on!" roared Sheppard, instantly sorry he had raised his voice as a light show exploded in his head and the sharp pain seemed to rise to a new crescendo. All he knew was the pain for several minutes, until finally the light show dimmed and the pain came back down to a manageable level. Judging from the sluggish feeling beginning to work its way through him, he figured Beckett and drugs had a lot to do with the change.

"Major? Is that better?" He managed to coax his eyes open and was rewarded with Beckett's concerned face.

"Yeah...thanks, doc," he said weakly. He glanced around, careful not to move his head very much or very quickly. Teyla and Ford were gone, but Elizabeth and Rodney had remained. Rodney was looking particularly worried. "So...McKay...what was your question?"

McKay hesitated, looking at Beckett for confirmation that Sheppard was okay.

"Better hurry, McKay...I think the drugs are starting to kick in." warned Sheppard, who was beginning to feel woozy.

"When did you learn to speak Ancient?"

Sheppard just continued to look at McKay with a noncommital stare. "No, McKay...seriously...what is the question?"

"Major, that **is** the question. You were speaking Ancient in your sleep last night."

Sheppard rubbed his head and yawned. "McKay...I do not speak, read, or understand Ancient. I've picked up a few phrases in several languages over the years, but Ancient is not one of them. There is no way I was speaking it...you must have heard wrong."

"No, John. I heard it too. You were definitely speaking Ancient." Sheppard looked at Elizabeth, disbelief in his eyes.

"That's not possible. I... do...not...speak...Ancient." Sheppard carefully enunciated each word to emphasize his point without raising his voice. Didn't want to go there again. The headache was manageable now, but just barely and he could feel it starting to work its way back up.

"Do too." There was no missing the challenge in McKay's voice.

Sheppard knew better, but he couldn't seem to help himself. "Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not." He closed his eyes, hoping McKay would take the hint.

"Mishane bolie."

"Nasha."

"Hah! You spoke Ancient. He just answered me in Ancient. You both heard him." McKay's face absolutely glowed with victory.

"I did not answer you in Ancient." He looked up at Beckett for support, hoping the good doctor would kick McKay out in order to preserve the sanity of his patient. Beckett was looking at him like he had sprouted a third eye. "What?"

"Lad...I don't know how to say this, but...you just answered Rodney in some language I've never heard. And you responded to a statement spoken in a language I've never heard."

He looked desperately at Elizabeth. "Elizabeth...you know I don't speak Ancient."

"Well...I guess you do now."

Sheppard closed his eyes and rubbed his face with his hand. This was not happening. He heard whispering in his ear and without thinking he answered out loud, his voice low and beginning to slur. "Mishae naetnis koolae trinon Ancientae." His hand slowly slid down to his side as he drifted off to sleep.

Beckett looked dumbfounded. "What did he say?"

Elizabeth reached down and brushed the hair from his forehead as she aswered. "He said, I do not speak Ancient."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

You guys have done it again. Another day of walking on air. Thank you so very, very much for the kind words.

Emrys: You must know the real reason I write stories is to read your feedback. By the way, I did kind of miss your evil side and the scare it sometimes gives me (LOL).

Fox Mac and moothril: I did remember SG1 shows commenting on how Ancient seemed to be similar to or derived from Latin (particulary love Jack trying to learn Latin in Window of Opportunity, one of my favs). However, since I know virtually nothing about Latin and didn't feel I had time to learn...I just sort of made up a bunch of...gibberish. I appreciate the help and advice - I'm just too lazy and impatient to try to make it work. Hope that's not too disappointing. I realize a better writer would do the research and the work necessary to make it more Latinish. Lazy me! (Hope you're laughing!)

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 3

"So, can I go now?" asked Sheppard anxiously. Beckett sighed as he looked at his patient, sitting on the edge of the bed, swinging his legs back and forth.

"In a minute, Major. Let me do one last temperature check."

Sheppard frowned. "Again? It's been normal for twenty-four hours now. You said I could go when my fever was gone for ..." Sheppard was silenced by the thermometer Beckett shoved in his mouth.

"Be quiet for a minute or you're not goin' anywhere." The thermometer finally beeped and Beckett checked the reading. He silently noted it on Sheppard's chart as the Major patiently waited. After a few moments, Sheppard realized that Beckett was purposely drawing the process out to test his patience, but he was determined to keep quiet. Beckett finally turned his attention back to Sheppard.

"Normal."

"YES!" Sheppard exclaimed. "No offense, doc. I'm just ready to do something besides lay in bed. I've done a little more than my fair share lately."

Beckett smiled and Sheppard was relieved to see the doctor wasn't angry with him. Sheppard started to slide off the bed, but Beckett put his hand up to the Major's chest, stopping him. "Now wait a minute. There are some conditions to this release."

"Aren't there always?"

"Major...you'd better see that you follow them this time. I'll be doing a little more checking up on you this time around. I am NOT releasing you to duty of any kind yet. You are to rest in your quarters except for meals. No work...and you better not go anywhere near that Ancient lab that you and Rodney are so engrossed with until I have cleared you to do that. You're both daft when it comes to judging how long you should stay down there."

"Hey! I'm not...daft." Sheppard argued. Beckett crossed his arms and looked at him sternly. "Ooooo-kay-y-y. Shutting up now," he said sheepishly.

"It's about bloody time. You are to report here about six each evening so I can give you a look and make sure you're not overdoin' it again. I may do a few drop-ins, as well."

Sheppard was not looking happy. "So, warden, when do I **really** get released?"

"That depends on you, Major. If you follow my directions and really get enough rest, it should only be for a few days. Every time you do something foolish, it will prolong the recovery period."

"Okay, doc. I got it. Anything else?"

McKay came flying into the infirmary at that moment. "Major...where have you been? I thought you were getting released. Teyla and Ford are waiting in the mess hall. Are you coming or not?"

Sheppard looked expectantly at Beckett. "Go. Just remember what I said." Sheppard nodded and slid off the bed, joining McKay as he walked hurriedly out the door. Beckett sighed as he shook his head and mumbled, "Just like children, the both of them."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

As McKay and Sheppard put their trays on the table, they noticed that Teyla and Ford had already eaten, their empty trays before them. Ford looked apologetic.

"Sorry we couldn't wait, sir. Teyla and I are due to go to the mainland in a little while. We're helping deliver supplies and I think Halling needs our help with something while we're there."

"How are you feeling, Major Sheppard?" asked Teyla.

"Pretty good, actually. I finally got rid of that headache. Mostly, I'm just hungry and I'm about to solve that problem right now." Sheppard took a big bite of the day's serving of mystery casserole. He crinkled his face in disgust and made a run for the garbage can, where he spewed out the contents of his mouth. He stood gagging and spitting into the can for a couple of minutes before returning to the table and downing his glass of water. "Ford! Why didn't you warn me?"

Ford and Teyla had their hands over their mouth, trying not to laugh out loud. "Sir, you really didn't give me time. I'd stick with the salad, the fruit, or the dessert today."

Sheppard narrowed his eyes and tilted his head to one side. "Ya think? Nice of you to clue me in," he said sarcastically.

McKay looked warily at his tray. He picked off a small bite of the casserole with his fork and slowly edged it up to his mouth. Sheppard pushed his glass of water closer to his hand.

"Here. You're going to need that."

McKay put the small bite in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully as the rest of his team watched in curiousity. After a few seconds, he began to chew with more enthusiasm. "This isn't too bad." He looked over at Sheppard's tray. "So, are you going to eat that?"

Sheppard screwed his face up in disgust again. "Not if I was starving." He pushed his tray towards McKay. "Enjoy. I'll help you to the infirmary when you're done." Sheppard retrieved the piece of fruit that looked something like a cross between an apple and a plum.

Teyla looked at Ford, one eyebrow raised in surprise. "You were right, Aiden. Dr. McKay really will eat anything." McKay didn't seem to notice the comment, so she looked over toward Sheppard. "We must go now, Major. I am glad to see you up and feeling better."

"Thanks Teyla. Me too." Sheppard waved at the pair as they left the mess hall.

McKay shoved a big fork full of food in his mouth and then proceeded to ask Sheppard, "Did oo ever figure out ow oo poke An...cent?"

"Oh, McKay...that's disgusting. Don't talk with your mouth full. I have a hard enough time understanding what you're talking about when your mouth is empty."

McKay swallowed and took a drink. "I said, did you ever figure out how you spoke Ancient?"

Sheppard sat thinking for a moment, deciding how much he should tell McKay. He really needed a sounding board on this and he didn't think anyone else would have a chance of figuring it out except McKay. He couldn't just keep wondering if Atlantis was real or if he was losing his mind.

"Hel-lo...is anyone home?"

"Yeah...just thinking. And no snide remarks. I'm not sure how to explain this...I don't really understand it myself, but...something's going on, McKay. I...I need your help figuring out what's happening and...if it's real." Sheppard looked at McKay, trying to read his expression.

"Okay...I can do that. What's going on?" McKay looked curious.

Sheppard took a deep breath, hoping that McKay wouldn't call Beckett and have him stuck in the infirmary again. "Okay...I've been talking to Atlantis."

McKay's eyes widened and he stopped chewing. "The city?"

Sheppard shrugged. "Yes...well, sort of. Okay, you remember the night we stayed so late in the lab. When I went to bed that night, I had this weird dream. I met this...lady on one of the balconies. She told me she was Atlantis...that she was a kind of ...embodiment of the city. She said she brought all the parts together and unified it. Anyway, she was trying to explain something about how the technology worked. She said she could help me learn to understand it and use it."

"I take it you think this was more than just a dream."

Sheppard sighed. "I don't know what to think. I guess maybe I do think it was more than just a dream. A lot of what she said made sense. She said the particular things in that lab had to connect or bond to the user and that it drained your energy. It certainly drained mine for the next few days. She came to me again the next night and I asked her to tell me more. She said she had to wait until I had regained by strength...that even coming to me in the dreams could draw my strength and make me weaker. I haven't seen her since...but...I've heard her."

"What...like you hear voices?"

"Don't say it like that. It makes me sound...crazy. I'm not crazy, McKay. This is happening. I've felt something since the minute we stepped through the stargate. Something unlike anything I ever felt on earth. It's like...I can feel the city running. Every time we do something different - turn on a new piece of technology, move the energy outputs around, anything like that...it feels different to me. And lately...sometimes it sounds like someone is whispering to me...like...almost like it's inside my head. I think it's been the city all along, I just didn't understand." Sheppard watched McKay closely, desperately hoping the man didn't think he was several cards short a full deck. The more he replayed recent events in his head, the more convinced he became that this was really happening. He was connecting to the city in ways he never would have thought possible.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier? My gosh...the city's been trying to talk to you all this time and you didn't ask for help? Carson is right...You are daft. Think of the possibilities...we can open up the whole city...oh, well, we could if we had a fully charged ZPM. Still, we can explore and figure out what the most important pieces of technology are and rearrange the power grids to feed them and..."

"McKay!" McKay stopped and looked at Sheppard. "I...I take it you don't think I'm nuts?"

McKay smiled, realizing what Sheppard had been fearing. "Yes, Major, I do think you're nuts...but not because you can hear Atlantis. That's a whole other story. We HAVE to tell Elizabeth. And Carson. Oh, Carson is going to be furious that you didn't share that little energy draining tidbit with him earlier. I see large pointy needles in your future. But, that aside, we need to..."

McKay continued to rattle on about the possibilities of Atlantis so fast that it almost made Sheppard's head swim. He was so glad to have someone believe him and not think he was crazy, that he let McKay ramble on for a good thirty minutes, trying to give the supportive head nods in the appropriate places. By the time McKay wound down, they both agreed they needed to have a meeting with several key personnel. McKay called Elizabeth and Carson to set it up for later that afternoon.

------------------------------------------------------

Sheppard and McKay walked into Elizabeth's office to find Carson already seated there. The doctor stood as soon as he saw Sheppard. "Major, you've only been out of the infirmary a few hours and you're already disobeying my instructions."

"Look, doc," Sheppard began as he sat down. "Let me explain and I think you'll understand. Besides. I'm not really disobeying you. We'll be sitting down talking, not actually doing work."

"Well, that remains to be seen. If I'm not satisfied this meetin' was necessary, you'll be accompanyin' me back to the infirmary where you'll stay until you're one hundred percent."

Sheppard looked at him for a second before passing the buck. "It was McKay's idea," he said, pointing to McKay.

McKay, who had taken up a seat a few feet away, looked hurt. "I'm trying to help you and this is the thanks I get. A friend in need, Major...just remember that in the future. Tell them what's been happening."

Weir and Beckett glanced at each other and then back to Sheppard. "John," she said suspiciously. "Have you been holding out on us?"

Sheppard sunk a little lower into his chair and nervously flashed his crooked smile. "I'm not sure I'd use those words, exactly, but I...maybe haven't told you absolutely everything. Let me start at the beginning."

Sheppard tried to explain the feelings he had upon entering the city for the first time and how he was unsure what they meant. For all he knew, everyone felt it. He continued up through the conversations he had with Atlantis while he was asleep, offering her help to understand and navigate the city. He even reluctantly told them of her warning not to try and do too much so that he could let them know to search for someone else with a strong enough gene or genes to operate the technology. He ended with the fact that he could now almost constantly hear the muted whispers of the city and occasionally the stronger voice of Atlantis. He finished by explaining some of the reasons he had waited to tell them, including the fact that he at first assumed that he had been dreaming...that none of it was real.

To Sheppard it seemed as if the minutes ticked by at a snail's pace as he waited on some sort of response. Elizabeth looked over at McKay. "What do you think? Is this possible?"

McKay shrugged his shoulders. "How should I know. A year ago I would have told you no, but then a year ago I would have laughed at the thought of big, ugly creatures that suck the life out of you with their hand. I'm not laughing now. From what he's described and what we are learning about Ancient technology...I think it may be real. I also think it may be the key to unlocking Atlantis...the city, not the girl. We can leave her up to Sheppard."

"McKay!" Sheppard said sharply. He looked at Elizabeth, who still looked doubtful. "So...you basically think I'm nuts and this is all in my mind."

Elizabeth shook her head. "That's not what I said at all, John. I think you've been through a lot lately and it's possible...that you are still feeling some after effects of your...experience. I think I'd like Carson to run some tests..."

"NO!" Sheppard got up and paced angrily. "Somehow I knew it would end up this way. I KNEW I shouldn't have said anything until I had proof. Let me guess, stick the crazy major in the infirmary and knock him out and run about a million tests...yet again. I've had them all at least three times in the past few weeks. I don't need a bunch of wires and needles and prodding to tell me that this is real."

Beckett got to his feet and tried to take Sheppard by the arm, but he pulled away and paced to the other side of the office, trying to get a chair between them. "Just leave me alone."

"Major...at least let me run another EEG. I need it to compare to..." Beckett looked at Elizabeth. "I've got to tell him."

Sheppard looked even more worried. "Tell me what?" he said, his voice low with stifled anger. "Guess I'm not the only one holding out, huh?"

Elizabeth nodded to Beckett, who turned back to Sheppard. "You need to sit down, Major."

"Oh, crap. I'm not going to like this, am I?" Sheppard dropped heavily in the nearest chair.

Beckett turned his chair to face Sheppard. "It's not as bad as you might be thinkin'. You know I ran several EEG's during your ordeal as a child and another few after you were brought back. There were several odd anomelies in your pattern when you were being affected by the encounter. Some of them...remained even after you were cured. They weren't as pronounced, but they were still there. I was going to just observe you for a while to see if there were any changes in behavior and then run another EEG to see if the patterns were diminishing."

Sheppard didn't know if he was more shocked or hurt. He could see by the expression in McKay's face that he hadn't had any idea. "So, you thought it was okay to forget to mention that I have abnormal brain patterns. Just kind of slipped your mind, I guess. Exactly when were you going to tell me...never?"

Carson tried to calm Sheppard down. "Son, I know you don't understand. We weren't trying to hide it from you so much as wait until you were ready. That...machine caused you to spend several days as a six-year old and several more completely unresponsive. I still don't know exactly what kind of long-term effects the whole thing might have. I honestly hoped the pattern would return to normal eventually."

"NO!" Sheppard jumped to his feet again. "It was wrong...it was wrong and you both know it. You should have told me." He stormed out of the office leaving an embarrassed Elizabeth and Carson to contemplate their decision. McKay, looking very disappointed, quietly stood and followed Sheppard out of the room.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Still spoiling me and I'm still loving it! Shep's still a bit grouchy, but he'll get over it eventually. This one is a bit short, but the next chapter should make up for it.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 4

Sheppard was furious, the feeling of betrayal burning through his gut like a wildfire. He was so angry, he went past the transporter before he realized it. He certainly wasn't going back. So he walked all the way to the balcony over the southwest pier. Since he walked the whole way, it took almost an hour to get there. He might have worried about Beckett being mad at him for walking that far if he hadn't been so angry with the man. They had lied to him. He had asked Beckett point blank on several occasions if he was okay, and Beckett had assured him he was fine. How could they look him in the eye and lie? How could he ever trust them again?

He stood at the railing with his eyes closed, allowing the cool breeze to wash over him, willing it to carry away some of the heat of his fury. He concentrated on slowing his breathing and calming himself. He had to figure out how he was going to handle this. He wasn't sure how long he stood there, his mind a blank. He eventually realized that he was incredibly tired and his legs felt like jello. He made his way back to the wall and slid down it. He bent his legs and rested his arms on his knees and his head on his arms. He pictured Atlantis. He focused on her image in his head and the thought that he really needed to talk to her. He ached inside, but he didn't think it had anything to do being tired or sick.

"John?"

He looked up to see her standing in front of him. He smiled. She, at least, had been telling the truth. She had been listening. He pulled himself to his feet. "You came."

Atlantis smiled at him, her crystal blue eyes so light that he thought he could almost see through them. "Of course. I told you I would listen and be here when you needed me."

John walked over to the railing and leaned heavily against it, his head hanging low. "Yeah, well, not everyone tells the truth...even when they are supposed to be your friends."

Atlantis walked up beside him and laid her hand on his. She stood like that for several moments, reading his thoughts and emotions, before she pulled her hand back. "John...you know in your heart they did not intend to hurt you."

"Just because they didn't intend to hurt me doesn't mean they didn't. How could they lie to me like that?"

"I do not know them as you do. I am only connected to you, so I can only judge them by what is in your heart and your mind. I see that they have been good friends...that they have cared for you when you were sick and injured. I can tell that you have respect for them and that you care for them also. You are angry right now...and possibly with good reason. When I look at them through your eyes, though, I see friends that would make decisions based on what they thought was best for you."

Sheppard didn't say anything. Not exactly the show of support he had expected. He stood thinking of what she had said, fighting the increasing feeling that she was right.

"You are also worried. You are worried about what the doctor said about abnormal...brain waves." He was touched by the honest look of concern in her face.

"Well, yeah. Who wouldn't be? I'm not sure what they mean. Am I going to go back to being a child again?" He shuddered involuntarily at the thought of driving everyone crazy as a six-year old again. "What about memory loss or seizures or all the other equally fun stuff that's probably possible?" A look of absolute horror crossed his face. "Oh my gosh...what if Beckett grounds me permanently? I can't...I can't not fly." Sheppard started pacing nervously around the balcony, running his hand through his already unruly hair. "What am I gonna do?"

Atlantis looked at him almost like a parent looks at a child panicking over a trip to the doctor. "First you need to calm down. You must learn to control your emotions. I would be happy to make sure you are okay. I think I can explain what is happening."

Sheppard stopped and stared at her, the uncertainty written across his face. "How...how can you do that?"

Atlantis continued to smile. "You have so much to learn."

Sheppard relaxed a little and his expression softened. "Huh...I guess I do."

"Do you trust me, John Sheppard?"

He nodded. "Yes, I do." And he did. He wasn't sure why or if it was wise, but he trusted her completely.

She moved forward until she stood right in front of him. "Close your eyes and clear your mind of everything." As he closed his eyes, he could feel her put her hands on the sides of his head, her palms on his temples and her thumbs resting lightly across his closed eyes. He focused on clearing all thoughts from his head. In a minute, he felt like he was floating in a sea of darkness. But he wasn't afraid. He felt relaxed and calm, as if everything was okay. There was no pain or worry, only peace as he drifted. Eventually he was aware of Atlantis talking to him again.

"John? Can you hear me?"

"Yeah...this is kind of cool..."

"I have your answer. The anomalies in your brain waves that Dr. Beckett spoke of are there because of your connection with Atlantis. They are not signs of problems,only of the relationship you are developing with the city. You should allow him to conduct the...EEG that he wants. It will show the anomalies getting stronger. They will continue to grow as our bond grows. It is merely a change. There will be many changes as you develop your knowlege and skills as the key to Atlantis. If you could run an EEG on an Ancient, you would find these waves very well developed...as they will some day be in you."

"I told you...I'm not an Ancient."

"You are more like the Ancients than you know. You have not had the opportunity or the knowledge to develop your potential. I can give you that chance. But it will not come without risks or changes...and you must be ready to accept this."

"I think I understand. Thank you for helping me."

"We will continue later. Now you must rest and prepare for the journey. It will be a difficult one."

John opened his eyes to discover that he was lying on his side, his head in someone's lap. He went to sit up, noting that he was still on the balcony. A hand at his shoulder tried to keep him from sitting up, but he pulled away and sat up anyway, rubbing his head against the familiar headache. He leaned back against the wall as his eyes focused on Elizabeth Weir, sitting next to him.

"Hey...what are you doing here?" he asked, looking around and observing with relief that they were alone. Elizabeth did not look happy with him. "Look...I'm sorry I got mad and ran out like that. I just felt..."

"Betrayed?" asked Elizabeth. Sheppard looked at her, but didn't answer. He remembered what Atlantis had said about them having his best interest at heart and not wanting to hurt him. But the fact remained that they had intentionally lied to him about something important and he did feel betrayed. He just looked down, not wanting to agree with her but refusing to lie.

"I'm sorry, John. You were right of course. We should have told you. I was just afraid after all that you'd been through...I didn't want you to worry about it and Carson thought maybe it was a remnant that would go away on its own and...I made a really bad decision. I swear...I wasn't trying to hurt you."

Sheppard looked at her, searching her eyes. He knew she meant every word she had said. "Elizabeth...I know you didn't intend to hurt me, but you did. The fact is that you didn't trust me...you didn't trust me to be able to handle the news. I'm not some fragile...child. I need to know what's going on, even when it's not good."

"I know. This will never happen again...I promise."

Sheppard leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes and sighing heavily.

"John, are you okay?"

"Yeah...just tired. I guess Beckett will kill me for going this far away."

"John...I should probably tell you..."

His head came up suddenly and his eyes snapped open. "Oh no! You didn't call him. Please tell me you didn't call him."

Elizabeth's face flushed. "You were unconscious and unresponsive...I couldn't get you to wake up. Of course I called Beckett."

"Oh crap! Call him back. Tell him not to come. Tell him I'm fine." Sheppard began trying to get up with Elizabeth pulling him back down.

"You can't run again. You'll just make it worse. He's almost here by now."

To emphasize her point, Beckett and a medical team came through the balcony doors. Sheppard sat back down, realizing there was no escape. He looked up angrily at Beckett. "Come to add injury to insult?"

Beckett cringed. "Elizabeth called. She said you were unconscious...we got here as soon as we could."

"Yeah, well thanks but no thanks. I'm fine. I wasn't unconscious. I was talking to Atlantis and you're welcome to think whatever you want about that. By the way, Atlantis took up for you...just in case you're interested. I came out here to be alone...but I guess I'm not allowed to do that, either. It looks like I'm not to be trusted or left alone. I really do need a warden."

"John, calm down. Remember what we talked about." He had rekindled his anger to the point that he didn't realize the voice was that of Atlantis whispering in his head.

"I AM calm. Just leave me alone." Sheppard got up and walked over to the railing, looking out over the ocean.

Beckett and Weir exchanged looks. Elizabeth got up and followed him, standing by his side. "We're just worried about you. Let Carson get you back to one hundred percent and then you can go sulk on faraway balconies by yourself all you want. Until then, we have an obligation to do everything we need to do to get your health back to normal. Please, John...just let Carson check you out."

Sheppard looked as though he had calmed down some. "I'm not staying in the infirmary tonight. He checks me and I'm gone." He looked back at Beckett.

"Lad, what if I find something wrong? I can't release you if you're sick or injured."

"I'm not sick or injured. You give me a check and let me go. I'll come back tomorrow for that EEG. I can even tell you what it will show. The irregularities will be more pronounced and they will continue to get more pronounced as I work with Atlantis to use the technology. She said it is a result of bonding with the city and it just represents change."

Beckett looked as though he was processing the information. "Aye...as long as I don't find anythin' major wrong with ya, I'll release you to your quarters. But you must come back tomorrow for the EEG."

"And I am NOT riding on that gurney. I'm walking."

"Okay, lad. But we'll be right behind ya if you feel weak. And, Major...I'm sorry for withholding information from you. I had no right to keep it from ya."

Sheppard's expression softened somewhat, but he wasn't ready to offer absolution just yet. He nodded slightly at Beckett as he walked through the door and headed for the infirmary. He silently thanked Atlantis in his head and thought he heard some whispers in return.

Beckett silently checked Sheppard over after returning to the infirmary. He didn't really want to let the Major go. His temperature was up slightly, while his blood pressure was a little low. Sheppard assured him that a good night's sleep would do wonders and reminded him that he would be back tomorrow for the EEG. Beckett finally let him go, still feeling guilty for having lied to the Major. Sheppard didn't tell Beckett that his headache was back or how exhausted he felt. He was beginning to understand that they were just part of the process and he knew that he could deal with them. He just made his way back to his quarters and crawled into bed. He was asleep within minutes.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for staying with me so far. From the newly reset stats, it looks like many are going back to read the Mind of a Child (don't worry - I had to go back and read it again before I started this.) I apologize for all the typos I never got around to correcting. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the updates may slow down. Hubby comes home tomorrow from his out of town trip and that means more work for me. Then there's the little problem of mid-quarter grades being due Monday and I am seriously behind because I have been writing chapters instead of grading papers. Diggin holes again. I've got to climb out of this one. I'll do the best I can, but I think the chapter-a-day updates are over for a while.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 5

"Okay, Major, I think we're finished. You just lay here quietly and I'll be back in a minute to unhook ya." Beckett patted Sheppard on the shoulder.

Sheppard was lying on an exam bed hooked up to the EEG machine. "Uh, doc. Couldn't you unhook me _before_ you ran off?"

"No...I'd rather wait until I've had a chance to look at these so I can be sure we're really finished before I unhook ya from the machine. I won't be long, Major." Beckett walked over to his office.

Sheppard lay there staring at the ceiling, trying to convince himself that the adhesive on the EEG leads wasn't making his head itch. He tried to distract himself by thinking of Atlantis. He thought about all the stuff going on just in the infirmary - the lights, the machinery, the computers. He could almost hear the hum of the city as it powered the activity around him. At one time he would have found the hum annoying, but somehow now it was almost comforting. It meant she was functioning and that she was okay. He was still tired and had a bit of a headache from the day before. If Bates hadn't awakened him to ask him a question, he probably would have slept through his EEG appointment. Well, Bates was good for something besides pissing people off after all. He could feel his eyelids drifting closed, but he couldn't seem to stop it.

"Major?" He opened his eyes immediately, his light doze easily interrupted. Dr. Beckett and Dr. Weir stood beside the exam table.

"Doc...find anything?"

Beckett looked at Elizabeth and then back at Sheppard. "Yes, son. You could say that. Let me get you disconnected so you can sit up and I'll explain." Beckett and a nurse removed the EEG leads and the nurse rolled the machine away. Sheppard sat up and hung his legs off the table, picking adhesive out of his hair and scratching his head.

"Okay, doc, what's up? No offense, but I'd like the truth this time."

"Aye...and that's what you'll be gettin'." Beckett handed him the first page out of a stack of papers he was holding. Elizabeth stood behind him, looking over his shoulder. "That is a normal EEG pattern for an adult that's awake. This shows mostly alpha and beta waves," he pointed to the waves on the paper. "You can use this as a sort of reference."

"You realize I have no idea what I'm seeing, right?" Sheppard asked, looking curiously at the paper.

"That's okay, Major. You don't have to understand it to see what I'm going to show you." He handed him the next sheet. "This is an EEG I took while you were in the mind of a child."

Sheppard studied it for a minute. "It looks different in several places."

Beckett nodded. "These patterns that you see here are theta waves. They tend to be more pronounced in children. Notice this recurring spike in the theta waves and then again in these beta waves." He pointed to the peaks he was referring to.

"They aren't there at all on the normal one and they are pretty large on this one. Are those the anomalies you've been talking about?"

"Aye. Now look at this one." He handed Sheppard a third EEG. "This was taken after you were returned to your right mind. This is the one I didn't tell you about. What do you see?"

Sheppard looked at it only a minute before replying. "Mostly looks like the normal one except those peaks are still there...just smaller." He continued to study it a second. "These waves..." he hesitated, looking at Beckett.

"Theta waves."

"Yeah...I see them more than in the normal EEG, but less than when I was going through my second childhood. And I see those ...peaks...or spikes...or whatever are still there, but just smaller."

Beckett nodded and handed him a fourth paper. "This one I found in your file. It was taken after a head injury in Afghanistan. And, I might add a personal note that I do not understand the actions of U.S. Air Force doctors. You should have been sent back to the states for several weeks at least to recuperate from that injury. According to your record, you were back on duty in less than two weeks. What kind of operation are you people running over there?"

Sheppard shrugged sheepishly. "Uh...doc...we were kind of short handed right then and I insisted I was okay and needed to get back to my unit. Shar...uh, Dr. Ross did the EEG to help her determine if I was okay enough to send back out."

Elizabeth smiled as she raised her eyebrows. "Sharon, huh? So, did you get a little farther in your sweet-talking because it was a lady doctor, Major? Maybe...twisted her arm a little...or maybe..."

"Elizabeth...I'd rather not go there right now," he said as his face flushed slightly. "I was fine back then, just like I said, and I'm fine now." Sheppard looked down at the fourth EEG. "I don't see the peaks on this one doc. It looks a lot like that first one you showed me."

"No, the spikes aren't there. This," he said as he handed Sheppard the next one, "is the one I just took."

"Looks kind of like the one after I was returned to adulthood...except the spikes are bigger...just like Atlantis said. So they weren't there on earth and they developed after I had my bad connection to the Ancient technology. That supports what Atlantis said that it was...just a different pattern developing as a result of my connection to the city."

Beckett smiled. "It started earlier than that, I just didn't catch it." Beckett handed him the last paper. When he looked closely, he could see the extra spikes. They were easy to miss because they were much smaller on this last EEG.

"When was this taken, Carson?" asked Elizabeth.

"Do you remember me giving everyone a full physical to establish baselines for everyone shortly after we arrived? I did EKGs and EEGs and bloodwork on everyone so I'd have a personal norm in their files. This was Major Sheppard's EEG - taken 3 weeks after we arrived in Atlantis. The city was trying to talk to him, even back then. The increase in theta waves didn't occur until your interaction with the technology. Theta waves in a conscious adult can indicate a brain injury, but in your case I'm starting to think it's more related to your increasing connection to Atlantis. It's sometimes also associated with trances or daydreaming, which may have something to do with the way the city talks to you. I can't really say at this point."

Sheppard sat staring at the paper for several minutes, remembering the funny feelings he would get and try to ignore, afraid he was losing his mind or suffering some kind of weird space sickness. Atlantis had been trying to talk to him for months and he had ignored her. He made a mental note to apologize to her. "Sooooo, this is real. Atlantis is real and she's talking to me."

"Yes, Major. And I owe you an even bigger apology than before. Not only for withholdin' information, but also for not noticin' this months ago. Maybe we could have figured this out earlier."

Sheppard shook his head. "I doubt it doc. And...I owe you both an apology for yesterday. I overreacted and I'm sorry for being such a jerk about it. I know you were just doing what you thought was best. I guess this is freaking me out a little more than I thought."

"It's okay, lad...I'm just glad to find out what's going on. Major...I have a request. I want to monitor you once when you talk to Atlantis."

"Doc...I don't know." Sheppard was getting tired of all the fuss and he was definitely tired of the infirmary.

"Major...you're still showing signs of exhaustion and your temperature is still up a bit. I'm guessing you still have a headache. If I could better understand what is going on, maybe I could help."

Sheppard sighed heavily. He didn't want to, but he could already feel himself giving in. He hated all the wires and the feeling of being immobilized they gave, but he knew Beckett had a valid point. It was only once. "Okay...when do you want to do it?"

Beckett breathed a sigh of relief. It was obvious he had expected more of a fight. "Can you control when you talk to her?"

"Sometimes. She listens for me, so if I want her to come, she usually does. What about tonight? I've got some questions for her anyway."

Beckett nodded excitedly. "Yes...that would be good. What about after supper?"

"Why don't we make it about seven?"

Beckett nodded. "Aye...I'll see ya at seven, lad."

Sheppard slid off the table. "Can I go?" He purposely leaned back against the exam table as a little wave of dizziness passed. He had been expecting it and was prepared, barely letting it show.

"Aye, you can go. But take it easy and get some rest. If your temperature is still up tonight, we may postpone until tomorrow. See you at seven, Major."

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"You never did tell me how you learned to speak Ancient." McKay continued to chew his food as he eyed Sheppard across the mess hall table.

"I don't know how to speak Ancient, McKay. How many times do I have to tell you that? You know, for a genius, you're kind of slow on the uptake sometimes."

"Look, you can play denial all you want, but the fact remains that three of us heard you speak a complete sentence in Ancient." McKay took a data pad he had with him, brought something up on the screen, and shoved it across the table at Sheppard. "Look at that."

Sheppard looked at a bunch of weird symbols on the screen. "What is that?"

McKay looked disappointed. He reached across and turned the pad 180 degrees. "That," he said, "is Ancient."

"Oh," said Sheppard. He studied it for a second. "Just looks like a bunch of lines to me. Sorry, McKay. I don't read Ancient." He forked a bite of meatloaf and shoved it in his mouth. He decided it bore a striking resemblance to cardboard. It didn't seem anything tasted good any more. He put his fork down, pushed the tray away, and downed his glass of whatever they were passing off as tea. "Gotta go."

"You didn't eat much...are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm good McKay. And if I'm not, Beckett will figure it out two seconds after I enter the infirmary." As soon as he said it, he knew he had made a huge mistake. He tried to rush off, but McKay was having none of that.

"Hold it! What are you going to see Carson about? You are sick, aren't you? I knew it. It was probably because of us staying in the lab too long. I knew that would come back to haunt us. Or maybe those abnormal brain waves Carson was talking about. If only the witchdoctor could figure out what was up with that, then maybe..."

"McKay...shut up! My gosh, how do you do that? There's nothing wrong. Doc's gonna monitor me while I talk to Atlantis...kind of see what goes on physically during our meetings. Everything's okay." Sheppard rolled his eyes and sighed. How could anyone talk that fast?

"Oh...well...how about if I tag along? You know...just to see what happens."

Sheppard really hadn't wanted this to escalate into a spectator sport, but he didn't feel like he could refuse McKay. They had pretty much gone through this whole ordeal together. "Okay, I guess. But keep quiet and out of the way."

"I won't say a word."

Sheppard slid his eyes sideways at McKay with an expression of total disbelief. "Yeah...and I'll probably win the Pegasus Galaxy Lotto, too. Just don't make me regret this," he said as they headed for the infirmary.

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As Beckett and Strauhan hooked up a myriad of monitors, Sheppard began to have second thoughts about the whole process. Beckett had made him change into scrubs, which wasn't really that much of a surprise. Then came the monitors. He had expected the EEG machine, but then they added a heart monitor, as well as a blood pressure cuff and a pulse oximeter that clipped to his finger. Kelly wheeled a cart up that had a towel on top so that Sheppard couldn't see what was on the tray underneath, but he did see at least one IV bag on the second shelf. That was when he decided he needed to speak up.

"Doc...I thought you were just going to monitor me...I think I'm seeing pokey needles and things over there."

Beckett smiled and patted Sheppard on the arm reassuringly. "It's okay, Major. I was just gettin' some stuff together in case we needed it. I'm not really plannin' on using any of it. Better to be prepared, though."

"Oh...okay, then. How long til you're ready?" Sheppard felt marginally better, but was still a little nervous. When he agreed, he pictured Beckett and Weir and an EEG. They had added Nick, Kelly, McKay, and the extra monitors.. There was a second nurse doing some coming and going, but he couldn't remember her name. He'd seen her before, but usually when he was in a drug induced haze. His private showing had turned into a glorifed three-ring circus.

"Okay, Major. Any time you're ready."

"Doc...I'm not sure I can do this. It's turning into a bigger deal than I thought and I'm..."

"Just try, Major. That's all we can ask."

Sheppard sighed and nodded. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to relax. He could hear their movement...their breathing, at first mixed in with the beeping of the heart monitor, and it was very distracting. Slowly, he pushed all the sounds aside as he concentrated on the hum of Atlantis...the sound of Atlantis...the face of Atlantis.

He was standing on the balcony. leaning once again against the rail as he looked out over the sea. Somehow, no matter how many times he came here, it never failed to take his breath away. He felt her presence before he saw her. "And so we meet again."

She stepped up to the railing to stand next to him. "Very good. You are learning. You look much better."

Sheppard smiled. "Yes, I am...in a lot of ways. By the way, it seems I owe you an apology."

She cocked her head and looked at him curiously.

"I just realized that you've been trying to talk to me since we got to Atlantis. I just wanted you to know that I wasn't ignoring you, I just didn't understand. Anyway...I'm sorry it took so long."

"I understand, John. Do not worry about it. You have questions. I will answer them if I can."

Sheppard turned to face her. He stared into her ghostly ice blue eyes. They were comforting and disturbing, all at the same time. And they were the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen. She was beautiful. He found himself staring at her and wondering what she really was.

"John? You are staring at me. Do you wish to ask me questions?"

"I'm sorry...it's just that you are very beautiful." He shook his head and looked away. "You're right, I do have questions. Something strange is going on. McKay and Weir keep telling me that I'm speaking Ancient and...I don't know what they are talking about. I can't speak Ancient."

Atlantis smiled. "We have been teaching you subconsciously...as you sleep. You will need to know how to read and speak Ancient for much of your training and your work in Atlantis. We thought this the easiest way. Was this not acceptable?"

Sheppard thought a second. "No...it's not that...although it would have been nice if you'd told me. But...I still can't speak or read it."

"It is still in your subconscious. You will not be able to consciously access it until the first phase of your training is complete."

Sheppard nodded. "That makes sense, I guess. They said I spoke it in my sleep. This is just so...weird."

Atlantis smiled. "Soon it will seem normal. You will adjust to the changes and then it will not seem...weird. Now...I suspect you want to know about the training."

"Yeah...I have to admit, I am very curious about that. Can you tell me how that will work...where will it happen?'

Atlantis took his hand. "Come and I will show you. Would you like to see Atlantis as it was?"

Sheppard frowned in confusion. "Is that possible?"

They walked through the balcony doors to find the corridor full of people. They were dressed in elaborate clothes that were strange to Sheppard. Men, women, and children walking and talking, going about their daily life. Two boys scuffled over a toy and then took off running with a woman who was probably their mother calling them to come back. A young couple held hands and gazed at each other with love. Three men stood to one side, deep in discussion and oblivious to their surroundings. It could have been a scene from earth if you changed the clothes and the setting. The hall itself was much brighter, cleaner, and newer looking. No one acknowledged them as they walked down the corridor.

"Can they see us?" asked Sheppard, trying desperately to take it all in so he could remember it later.

"No. They are not really here. It is just a memory of how Atlantis was...and how I dream it will one day be again."

"It's amazing. It looks so...right. Do you think we can restore Atlantis to this level some day?"

"I do, John. And I think you are the key to making it happen."

Sheppard sighed, feeling the burden of what she was asking. He only hoped he was as strong as she seemed to think he was. "I'll try not to let you down."

"Don't worry. You will do fine."

"Hey...that's the lab we were working in," Sheppard said, pointing to a door. The people around them, along with the brightness of the hall, slowly faded away.

"Yes, it is. We must continue past that." She led him down the walkway for several yards until they came to another hallway. They turned left into the corridor and went several yards further to a door at the end of the hall. Atlantis opened the door and they stepped in. What appeared to be a small control chair sat in the center of the room. Control panels of various sizes and configurations sat against the walls surrounding the room. "This is the training room."

Sheppard was amazed. He was also a little discouraged, thinking it would take him years to figure even half this stuff out. Maybe McKay was better suited for this.

"No...it was meant for you and those like you. Only you are like the Ancient ones. For now, you are the only suited to train. You will be surprised at how quickly you learn. Sit in the chair."

Sheppard couldn't get used to the way she read his mind, but he found himself walking over to the chair. He touched it, but nothing happened. He turned around and sat down, the chair lighting up and leaning back instantly.

"When you come for the training, you will start by sitting in the chair. It will download information for a short time...by your time two or three hours. I have set the sequence to not proceed too fast. You will then use the information you have accumulated to run practive maneuvers on the test equipment. You must master the whole sequence of simulations before you may proceed to the next phase of instruction. There is much to learn, John Sheppard. It will be a slow process."

"How long are we talking about?"

"I do not know, exactly. Much will depend on how fast you assimilate the information and how much rest you need between sessions. John, this is very important. You must rest between sessions. Your physiology is not exactly as the original builders - your system is not designed to handle this. It may still be done...but it will be ...uncomfortable at times and it may make you ill. I will tell you when you have regained enough strength each time and you must not rush it. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I get it. You're starting to sound like Beckett. Next you'll be telling me to eat more."

"That may be a problem. You will need to eat more to build your strength, but I have noticed the little we have done so far has acted to depress your appetite. We need to find a way to deal with that."

Sheppard rolled his eyes. "Oh my gosh, you really are Beckett. Okay, eat more and rest between sessions. Got it."

Atlantis looked at him sternly. "You must take this seriously, John. We are dealing with your life."

"I am taking this seriously. I may joke around some, but that's just my way. Trust me...I'm taking this seriously. Once I down load information from the chair, how do I know what machine to go to and what to do?"

"You will know."

Sheppard moved the chair back to a sitting position and stood up, walking around the room, looking at the technology. "What does all this stuff do?"

"There are four rooms of technolgy that are locked with the quantae. Each has a different purpose. One is the lab that you have already seen. These consoles will teach you about the equipment - its operation, maintenance, and repair. You will be able to run any part of Atlantis when you have completed your training. As you have seen, other technology in the city can be controlled either by anyone with the gene or by anyone in general. These new locked areas that you will be working with can be utilized to control everything else in the city."

Sheppard leaned heavily against the console he was next to as a wave of dizziness passed over him. The headache had escalated from a dull throb into a full blown stabbing pain that was starting to make him nauseous.

"John...I've kept you too long. You must go back now." She guided him back to the chair so he could sit down.

"Wait...don't go. When can I start?" He could feel himself getting weaker, but there was so much more that he wanted to know.

"You must rest and recover first, John. You must wait a few days. I will let you know when you are ready."

"How...how do I start it?" He was leaning back against the chair now, consciousness starting to slide away as he fought against the outgoing tide.

"You must think '_start instruction'_. It will stop automatically when the first session is complete. Anytime you return to the chair after that, it will remember what stage you are on and instruct you accordingly. You must go now, before it is too late." She reached out and touched his forehead as he closed his eyes.

Sheppard felt himself slide away into the darkness and he was so tired, he welcomed it with open arms.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

To those of you who take the time, thank you for the very nice reviews. They are better than chocolate and they keep the fires burning. I've been bad. It's 3am and I'm still working on grades. Took a detour to finish this chapter and it turned into a long one. Sorry for the wait, but I hope you enjoy.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 6

As soon as Beckett and Strauhan had Sheppard settled, McKay drug a chair up to the bed, close enough to see without being in the way. Elizabeth was debating whether or not to pull up her own chair when she was called away to the gateroom. She left, promising to check back later. After fussing with Sheppard's monitors and checking the settings for several minutes, Beckett finally pulled up a chair near McKay's. He oriented himself where he could clearly see all the monitor screens. Dr. Strauhan wandered back and forth between infirmary duties and checking on Sheppard.

McKay began to get restless after a few minutes. "Do you think he's talking to Atlantis yet?" he asked.

"He is," stated Beckett.

McKay looked skeptical. "Now how in the world can you tell that? Witchdoctor spell of some kind?"

Beckett just smiled knowingly. "Both his pulse and his blood pressure have decreased and his theta waves have increased dramatically. Those odd spikes have increased as well, both in frequency and amplitude. It's a fairly safe bet that he's with Atlantis right now."

McKay looked torn between being impressed and worried. "Ooo-kay. He's okay though, right?"

"Yes, Rodney, so far he's fine."

"Good." McKay looked relieved as he watched the monitor readouts with Beckett. After a few minutes he turned back to Beckett. "Hey, you don't have any popcorn, do you?"

Beckett scowled at the scientist. "Rodney...this is not a bloody movie. No...I don't have any popcorn."

"I know it's not a movie, but I still think some popcorn would be good, though." He patted his stomach for a second. "What about power bars?" Beckett just stared at him. "I'll take that as a no. How long do you think this will last?"

"I have no idea. If you're hungry, just go down to the mess and get somethin' to eat." _And leave me alone_, he thought.

"No...I'll stay. I wouldn't want to miss anything."

"Oh goody for me," replied Beckett sarcastically.

An hour later, McKay was starting to doze when Nick brought Beckett a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," said Beckett, taking the steaming cup from Nick and sipping the hot drink. "Ahhhhh. That's good."

"Thought you looked like you could use a cup. How's our patient?"

"He's okay so far. His pulse and blood pressure are getting lower than I'd like." They watched the monitor for several minutes. McKay woke up in time to see Beckett slide forward in his chair.

"Carson..." said Nick, standing behind Beckett and looking over his shoulder.

"I see it," said Beckett, getting up and moving to stand by the bed. "His pressure's dropping too fast."

Sheppard began to cough and gag about then. "Help me roll him," Beckett shouted, but Nick was already there, helping him roll Sheppard up on his side just as he vomited. McKay came to his feet, realizing that Sheppard was in trouble. Kelly must have also realized there was trouble, because suddenly she was there helping, wiping Sheppard's face as they rolled him back onto his back. Nick elevated the head of the bed somewhat to reduce the chances of aspiration in case the Major vomited again.

"Kelly, why don't you go ahead and start an IV. He's not going to like it, but I think he's going to need it."

Kelly nodded and retrieved the IV materials from the cart. The nurse whose name Sheppard could never remember showed up with a mop and hurriedly cleaned the floor as the two doctors continued to check the Major's condition.

An alarm went off, causing McKay to jump before Beckett shut it off. "Oxygen level's dropping." He took his stethoscope and listened at Sheppard's chest. Nick then shifted the Major up slightly so that Beckett could listen at his back. "His respiration is reduced, as well. Let's go ahead and put him on an oxygen mask."

As Nick and Kelly got Sheppard on oxygen, Beckett walked over to the cart, pulled back the towel, and selected a prepared syringe. He checked the contents carefully and, when satisfied, injected the contents into Sheppard's IV port.

"Carson?" McKay's worried expression asked Becket what was going on.

"We've got to get his pressure back up, Rodney. Just give us a moment."

The temporary flurry of activity slowed as everyone just stood around watching the monitors. It was several minutes later before Shepard's pressure improved enough that Beckett seemed to relax. The relief was short lived as Kelly announced that his temperature was a 103.5. Beckett sighed as he thought a moment.

"Nick, there's a syringe with..."

"I see it." Nick was looking at the tray with various prepared syringes in it. He took one and injected it into Sheppard's IV port.

"Thanks."

"Now what?" asked McKay, still looking worried.

"Now we wait," said Beckett.

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The first thing Sheppard was aware of was a slightly irregular clicking sound. He tried to hold onto the sound long enough to identify it, but was disoriented enough to have no idea where he was. It took another minute to convince his eyelids to begin the process of opening. Before he could figure out what the sound was, it stopped.

"Major?"

He finally succeeded in getting his eyes open, only to instantly change his mind and close them. His head felt like fireworks explosions were going off behind his eyes and, dang, if he couldn't see them in all their glory.

"I'll get Carson."

That sounded like Rodney...which meant the clicking was probably him on his computer. And if he was going after Carson, that meant Sheppard was in the infirmary. Too much thinking and it was making his head hurt worse. He was starting to slip thankfully back into sleep when someone gently shook his shoulder. He groaned as this bobbled his head slightly. That was followed by a strong grip around his wrist. Beckett must be taking his pulse.

"Carson, I know I saw his eyes open. He's awake, I'm telling you."

"Shhhh. Too loud," Sheppard whispered. He felt like he had the mother of all hangovers.

"See, I told you..." the loud rant was cut short with a grunt. Sheppard figured Beckett had elbowed him in the ribs or some other equally effective technique. This was one time he appreciated the doctor's protective nature when it came to his patients.

"Major, try to open your eyes son. I've dimmed the lights some."

Sheppard tried the whole eye opening activity again, and found it went much smoother this time. The lights were thankfully dimmed back to a tolerable level. He was careful, however, not to move his head. "Thanks doc," he said softly.

Beckett elevated the bed slightly and offered Sheppard a sip of water, which he gratefully accepted. Sometimes he thought Beckett could read minds.

"Do you remember what happened, lad?"

Sheppard lay there a minute before everything came flooding back. "Yeah...yeah, I was talking to Atlantis. I think...I think I stayed too long."

"Aye, I'd say so."

Sheppard tried to bring his hand up to rub his eyes when he felt the tug of an IV. "Doc?" he asked, looking at the IV line taped to his hand.

"Sorry about that, but you had a few problems and we needed it."

Sheppard then realized that at least all the monitors were gone. "How long have I been out?"

Beckett frowned. "Almost 20 hours."

Sheppard looked surprised. "Twenty hours," he repeated. He yawned, thinking it was odd he'd been asleep that long and yet still felt exhausted. "What...what kind of problems?"

"Your pressure and respiration bottomed out on us, Major. About the time we got that under control, your temperature shot up. You're still running a bit of fever, but your pressure is much better. You just need some rest. Whatever goes on when you meet Atlantis takes a pretty big toll on you."

"Doc...I need to take a little trip."

"Major, you're not going anywhere for a while."

"No, Doc...I mean I've gotta go...you know...to the bathroom."

Beckett frowned. "I imagine you do, but I think we'd better go with a bedpan for now. I doubt you could make it that far."

"I can make it with a little help. Come on Doc, I hate those things."

Beckett rolled his eyes. "I suppose we could try. Rodney, come help me." Beckett helped Sheppard sit up and swing his legs over the side of the bed. He sat there a minute with his eyes closed as the pain in his head spiked, causing his stomach to lurch. He swallowed hard against the taste of bile rising in his throat. "Major?"

"I can do this, Doc. Just needed a second to get settled. I'm good now." Beckett and McKay each took an arm and lifted Sheppard to a standing position. They were prepared when his legs gave way and shouldered his weight, keeping him upright. As soon as he was on his feet, Sheppard almost passed out. His vision grayed completely and he felt like he was falling as the pain in his head edged up yet another notch. He was starting to think this hadn't been one of his brighter ideas when the dizziness began to fade and his vision began to clear. He felt his legs take hold underneath him.

"Okay guys, let's do this. My eyeballs are starting to float." They slowly began to edge forward, his arms around Beckett and McKay and McKay pushing the IV pole along in front of him. Sheppard was thankful he still had on scrubs and not one of those somewhat drafty gowns. What seemed like years later, they arrived at the bathroom. Sheppard had finally begun to support some of his own weight. "I can take it from here."

Beckett looked doubtful. "I don't know Major. I'd hate to have to come pick you up off the floor."

Sheppard looked annoyed. "I'm not much on audiences, Doc. I'll hollar if I need you."

"All right. We'll be right out here." Sheppard slowly made his way into the bathroom, clutching the IV pole as he pushed it along beside him. He didn't notice that Beckett didn't actually close the door all the way, just pushing it to. In a minute they heard the toilet flush and then Beckett opened the door a crack. "Major?"

"Okay Doc. I think I could use that help now."

Beckett stepped in and slid Sheppard's arm over his shoulder. "Let's get you back to bed now, lad."

A few minutes later, they had Sheppard safely tucked back in bed. Beckett smiled at the exhausted man as he crossed his arms. "So, Major. Was it worth it?"

Sheppard answered with his eyes closed, almost as if it took too much energy to hold them open. "Oh, yeah. Like they say, Oh what a relief it is."

McKay snorted. "I think that was actually a commercial for some sort of antacid."

"Doesn't matter, McKay. It...still applies. Tired...McKay."

"No, no, no. You haven't told me what happened with Atlantis yet. What did you find out?' inquired McKay anxiously.

Beckett intervened. "No...not now. The Major can fill us all in after he's had some more rest."

"Carson, he's awake NOW. Why can't he tell us about what happened? It could be very important. I know you'll probably keep him cooped up in here for a while, but if I knew some more, maybe I could be doing something. The Major can just kind of clue us in on some things and then rest all he wants."

"Rodney..."

"Carson, I don't think you understand the ramifications of this. He is the key to Atlantis, for heaven's sake. We need to hear what happened."

"Rodney..."

"I'm serious...just think about it. He can open up doors we never even knew were there. This is the most exciting thing to happen since we got the city topside. How can you make me wait for this? I ask you, seriously, how can you make me wait?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you. He's asleep."

McKay looked down with dismay to discover that Sheppard was, indeed, back asleep.

"Oh...well, crap." He plopped back down in the chair. "How long do you think he'll stay out this time?"

"No idea, Rodney. But I think it'll be quite a while. Why don't you run along and I'll call you as soon as he wakes back up."

McKay nodded. "Guess I might as well. I think this chair has given me permanent back problems." He gathered up his computer and walked glumly from the infirmary. Beckett double checked Sheppard's IV line and vital signs and adjusted his covers.

"Get some rest, Major. I have a feeling you're going to need it."

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The next time Sheppard woke up, the process was a lot easier. He blinked a couple of times to get his eyes to focus and then looked around the infirmary. He noticed almost immediately that his headache was almost gone. Nothing left but a slight throbbing in his temples. Definitely much better.

"Major? Glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?" Beckett was coming up beside his bed, pausing to check the IV line as he waited for the Major's response.

"Good, actually. How long this time?"

Beckett looked at his watch. "Oh...about 15 hours. How's the headache?"

"Much better. It's almost gone."

"That's good. You're pressure's good. You've still got a bit of a temperature, but it keeps slowly creeping down. Feel like eating something?"

"Yes, actually I'm quite starved."

Beckett looked happy to hear that. "Good, then. I'll send out for a breakfast tray." He adjusted Sheppard's bed to more of a sitting position before he left. A few minutes later, Ford, Teyla, and McKay filed in, looking pleased that Sheppard was awake and sitting up.

"Hey, sir. You're looking much better." Ford looked particularly happy to see his CO awake and alert.

"Thanks, Ford. I'm feeling much better. It's amazing what sleeping for two days will do for you."

"I am sure you needed it Major. Aiden was right. You do look like you feel much better." Teyla smiled and nodded to Sheppard, who smiled and nodded back.

"Thanks Teyla. So...you guys keeping busy?"

Ford and Teyla looked at each other before glancing back at Sheppard. Teyla was the one to answer the question. "In a manner of speaking. We have been helping Dr. Kavanagh move his things to a different lab. It seems he was...not satisfied with the one he had. It was too...small for his very important work."

Sheppard laughed. "Oh...sorry guys. I'm not really laughing at you...just glad it wasn't me. Kavanagh and I don't have what you'd call a good working relationship. I might be tempted to deck him again and really get myself court-martialed this time."

Teyla just glared at him until he stopped smiling. He was relieved when Beckett came back over to the group, carrying a tray of food. He set it on the rolling tray table and pushed the table over Sheppard's lap. "Okay, Major. Breakfast is served and I expect you to eat every bite."

"No problem, Doc. I'm hungry. How about you let me..."

"No, not today. I might release you tomorrow if you behave and your fever goes down. I need to run some tests this afternoon."

Sheppard frowned and stopped forking his eggs. "What kind of tests? I thought we were done with those."

"Major...there's something happenin' to you that we don't really understand. If we're goin' to keep goin' with this, I need to figure out as much as I can so I can properly care for you durin' these little excursions of yours. I'll need another EEG to monitor your ever changing wave patterns. You're not goin' to like this, but I want a new round of blood work, an MRI, and a CT scan. You're physiology is changin' and I'm just tryin' to keep up with it."

Sheppard stared at his eggs as he picked at them with his fork, debating whether it was worth it to argue. He wanted to jump off the bed and run as far away as he could. He was so tired of tests and needles and people poking him and staring at him. He was beginning to wish he'd never started any of this. He briefly entertained the idea of telling them all he quit and walking out of the infirmary.

"Major?"

He put his fork down and forced himself to look at Beckett. He had a brief flash of the day they ran all the tests when he had the mind of a six year old and he felt the total fear of that day grip him. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the pillow, feeling slightly dizzy and light-headed.

"Major? Tell me what you're feelin'?" Bekett was checking his pulse.

"I'm okay. Just a little light-headed," he lied. He opened his eyes to see Beckett peering at him worriedly, a guilty expression on his face.

"I'm sorry, lad. I wish there was another way. I know you're sick of all this." He looked at Sheppard, obviously wishing he could think of something else to say or do. Sheppard felt a twang of guilt at making the doctor feel bad. He knew he was just trying to watch out for him.

"It's okay. I understand. Doesn't mean I like it...but I understand. How about a..."

"Shower? That I can do. You eat first. That's probably one reason you're feelin' faint. You slept all day yesterday, so it's been a while since you had anythin' to eat. After breakfast we'll see about gettin' you a shower and some clean scrubs."

"Okay, Doc. I guess I can live with that," Sheppard said softly.

"Good. Why don't the rest of you clear out and let the man eat."

"No...Doc? Can they stay a while? I'd really like the company?" Sheppard's eyes almost pleaded with Beckett.

"Okay lad. They can stay. But after breakfast, they'll need to go and let us get some things done."

Sheppard nodded and picked up his fork again. "So, tell me about working with Kavanagh. I could use a good laugh about now."

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The next morning, Elizabeth sat at the table in the conference room with Ford, Teyla, McKay, and Zelenka. She looked at her watch. They were 15 minutes late. She was about to get on the radio to see what the problem was when the door opened and Beckett hurried in with Sheppard right behind him.

"I'm sorry we're late," Beckett apologized.

"Yeah...Momma Beckett had to fuss over me one more time before releasing me," quipped Sheppard, grinning at Beckett and waiting to see if he got a response. He wasn't disappointed.

"I wasn't fussing, Major. You had a serious trauma and I was simply tryin' to make sure you were properly recovered before releasin' you. If you keep that up, I can revoke your release and stick you right back in there, ya know."

"Chill, Doc, I'm just joking."

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes at the two men. They both noticed the look and sat down silently, waiting on her to start the meeting. Satisfied that she was back in control, Elizabeth turned to Sheppard. "Okay, John, why don't we start with you telling us about the meeting with Atlantis."

'Sheppard nodded. and filled them in on everything Atlantis had told him about the training process and what it would eventually mean in terms of running the city. Then he told them about seeing the city as it was. He described the individual people he had noticed, as well as the state of the city at the time. As he finished, he was surpised at the wave of sadness that washed over him. It was more than just sadness. It felt like he was mourning something or someone very important to him that was lost. As the emotions flooded his thoughts and feelings, the sounds of the conference room were drowned out by the sounds of Atlantis. It almost seemed as though the city itself was crying. It felt as though the dispair was dragging him down until he felt a hand on his shoulder, bringing him back to room and the people in it. He looked up to see Beckett observing him with concern.

"Major? Are you all right, lad? Maybe you should go lie down."

"No...I'm okay. Sorry...guess I just zoned out for a minute." He noticed that everyone in the room was looking at him and he quickly shifted his gaze down to the table.

Elizabeth stepped in. "John, we can continue this later if you need to rest."

"That's not it. I just...it's like I connected to the city for a minute and it was...it was mourning...grieving for the loss of the way it used to be...the loss of the people and the life. I think the city misses...being a real city." Sheppard quickly rubbed his hand across his eyes, trying to rid them of the watery feeling.

McKay seemed confused. "You talk about the city like it's alive."

Sheppard considered this for a minute. "Maybe...in a way it is. I don't know. I'm just telling you what it felt like. I don't pretend to understand all this." He glanced up at Beckett, still hovering at his side. "I'm okay, Doc. Really."

Beckett seemed to accept this and sat back down. Elizabeth nodded at McKay to give his report next.

"Major, we found the training room, right where you said it would be. Zelenka and I took the liberty of looking around. We couldn't get anything to activate. I ran several of my people with the gene through there and I gave it a try myself...nothing. But the room and the equipment seem to be in good shape. I think we can try as soon as the Major is ready."

"I'm ready," said Sheppard.

"John," said Elizabeth. "Has Atlantis told you that you were ready?"

"No...I haven't seen her since the big meeting."

"She said she would know when you're ready, so I think we should wait on her. Let me know when she says you are ready and then I still want Carson to check you out. When we do go, I want your team there, as well as Dr. Zelenka in case there are any problems. And Carson, I think you should be there with a med team in case there's any problems of that sort. Are there any questions?"

No one had any. "Okay, everyone is on standby until we get a go from Atlantis. Dismissed. Carson, I'd like you and John to stay for a minute."

After everyone else had filed out of the room, she turned to Dr. Beckett. "I was wondering about John's test results."

"Well, blood work was okay, nothing odd there. The EEG shows a continual increase in theta waves and the spikes are becoming more frequent, especially the ones within the theta waves. There's also been a slight increase in the blood flow and activity level in some areas of the brain. I'm not sure Elizabeth...but I think this is either rewriting neural pathways or possible creating new ones. And I have no idea what effect this will have long term. So far, the short term effects seem to be exhaustion, severe headache, and fever. During the event itself, he has a drop in pulse and blood pressure. This last event also resulted in some breathing difficulties, but I have no idea why."

What are you expecting from the training session...more of the same?'

"I have no way of knowing. I just hope it's not any worse than what he went through while talking to Atlantis last time."

"Guys...it's going to be okay. Atlantis won't let anything happen to me. I'll be fine." Sheppard gave his best reassuring smile. He had to do this and he needed them to be okay with it.

"Okay. I guess we still have a go then." Elizabeth wished she felt as confident as Sheppard looked.

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It was another three days before Sheppard heard from Atlantis. He had gone to the balcony over the southwest pier out of sheer boredom and was resting his arms along the railing. He felt her presence and turned to see her next to him.

"It's time, John. Just remember, I will be there with you."

"I'm ready. I just hope I don't..."

She put her finger to his lips, stopping him from completing his sentence. "You won't. Stay strong, John. This first part is very difficult and you have not interacted with this level of technology before. You must be careful."

"I will. Doctor Beckett will be there if anything goes wrong."

"Good. He seems to be a good man. Just remember, don't fight it. You must relax and let it happen. Good luck, John Sheppard."

He opened his eyes and looked out over the surface of the water. Funny. He didn't even remember closing them. He took a deep breath and went to go tell Elizabeth it was time. He was so lost in his thoughts that he was surprised to find himself at Elizabeth's office door so quickly. He stepped in to find her looking over some reports on her desk.

"John, come in. What's on..." She noticed the look of excitement on his face. "You heard from Atlantis, didn't you?"

John smiled broadly. "Yep. I'm ready. When can we go?"

"It's rather late tonight. Why don't you report to Carson at 7:00 in the morning for a quick check and we'll go after that. I'll contact Carson and let him know we're on for tomorrow."

Sheppard nodded. "I'll get hold of the team and Rodney can tell Zelenka. See you tomorrow."

"John," she called after him as he started to leave. He moved back into the room.

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you want to do this? It's been pretty hard on you so far and I don't get the impression this will be any easier. We have no idea what this will do to you or...how all of this will change you. You don't have to do this."

Sheppard's face took on a more serious expression. "I want to do this Elizabeth. I have to do it. I can't explain it...it's like a need...I just feel like I can't not do it. Don't worry, we'll be careful." The trademark lopsided grin made an appearance and washed her desire to argue with him away.

"Okay...as long as this is something you want to do."

"It is. I'm going to see McKay. Call me if you need me." And then he was gone. And Elizabeth couldn't explain the knot of fear deep in the pit of her stomach. She just had one of those feelings that said this wasn't going to be the picnic John was hoping it would be.

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McKay paced nervously back and forth, rubbing his hands together. "Where are they?"

"Calm down," Zelenka said. "They will be here in minute."

"Well, I hope so because I have things..." Sheppard strode in, followed by Beckett and Kelly and a gurney loaded with equipment. "Jeez, Carson, are you moving in down here?"

"No, Rodney, I'm just being prepared."

"For what, the end of the world?"

Sheppard interrupted the argument. "If you guys are all done, I'd like to get this show on the road."

McKay smirked. "By all means, Major. Radek and I have been growing old down here waiting on you. Please proceed."

"Major?" Teyla walked up to Sheppard and gazed up at him. "I would like to wish you good fortune in this and tell you that we are here if you need us." She leaned her head forward and Sheppard leaned forward to touch his head to hers. After a moment, they separated.

"Thank you, Teyla. I'm glad you're here."

Sheppard walked across the room and sat in the chair. Instantly the chair lit up and reclined back as he closed his eyes. A blue, almost fog-like light started at Sheppard's head and began moving down towards his feet. His body tensed visibly under the moving light. Beckett took a step forward, but was stopped by McKay's arm.

"Don't. I think it's just scanning him."

"I still wish the Major would have let me hook up a couple of monitors." Beckett worried.

The light that had been moving over Sheppard disappeared and he relaxed, looking almost like he was asleep. McKay hit his radio button. "Elizabeth, we've started. Everything looks okay so far."

"Okay. Let me know when you're done."

"Roger that. McKay out." He looked over to see Carson looking at him. "What?"

"Roger that? Where did you pick that up?"

McKay crossed his arms and tilted his head back. "I'm part of an off-world team, remember. Radio contact is very important. Maybe you should get out more."

Beckett just looked annoyed. "Whatever Rodney. We might as well sit. The Major said this should take two to three hours."

Two hours and twenty minutes later, the chair powered down and returned to a sitting position. Sheppard opened his eyes, but said nothing. Beckett and McKay looked at one another and then back to Sheppard. Beckett began rising from his chair. "Major, are you okay?"

Sheppard still said nothing, his eyes looking a little glassy. He stood and took a couple of unsteady steps as Beckett and McKay began moving toward him. He suddenly leaned over and vomited, totally emptying the contents of his stomach. By the time he was through heaving, Beckett and McKay were on either side of him, offering support. They attempted to help him back up the few steps to the chair, but after one step his legs buckled and they ended up lowering him to the floor. They could feel him trembling as they tried to make him comfortable. Kelly was moving the gurney over with the equipment and they could hear Ford calling Elizabeth on the radio.

Beckett leaned over Sheppard and called to him just in time to see his eyes roll back in his head. His body stiffened, arching his back off the floor just before he began to jerk violently.

"Carson?" Rodney looked panicked.

"He's having a seizure, Rodney. Help me keep him from hurting himself." They tried to minimize the flailing and keep Sheppard from crashing into the machinery around them. After what seemed like an eternity, the Major went limp. As Beckett and Kelly hurried to check his vital signs, McKay retrieved a gauze pad from the medical supplies to wipe the blood trickling from Sheppard's nose.

Beckett yelled at Kelly to start an IV as he cut Sheppard's shirt open and began attaching leads to the heart monitor. When he got the heart monitor going, McKay saw why he connected it. The heartbeat was erratic, first painfully slow and then a rush of rapid fire beats, followed by a slow period again. Beckett also put the oxygen mask on Sheppard as Kelly moved the gurney beside the still figure. The members of the military leader's team worked together to lift his limp form onto the gurney. As they started to head out the door, Sheppard began having another seizure. Everyone worked to keep the Major from pulling out the IV, disconnecting the monitor, or throwing himself off the gurney. Thankfully, the second seizure was shorter that the first and slightly less violent. When it was over, Beckett did a quick check of everything and then they rushed out the door and toward the infirmary. As they hurried along the corridor, Beckett tried to watch the monitor and Sheppard's breathing, thinking all the time that if the Major pulled out of this one, he just might lock the man up and throw away the key.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Typical warning about the medical stuff. I'm not a doctor or nurse or anything cool like that. This is based on stuff looked up on the internet or seen on TV or things like that. So if I made mistakes or it seems unrealistic, I apologize ahead of time. If you feel the need to point out the mistakes, just put it as constructive criticism and not a total blasting please.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 7

Elizabeth stood nervously at the far end of the hall, away from the infirmary, peering down the adjacent corridor for some sign they were coming. She had reached the infirmary before the medical team and then had backtracked to the hallway in which now she now stood waiting. She was considering continuing her movement farther along the path the medical team hauling Sheppard would be taking when she saw them. They were moving quickly, with Kelly in the lead, Rodney walking alongside the gurney, and Carson bringing up the rear. Teyla, Ford, and Zelenka were following close behind. She fell along side Rodney as they rushed past.

She looked down as John's still, pale form. She noted the IV, the oxygen mask, and the heart monitor. "What happened, Rodney?"

"I don't know, Elizabeth. Everything seemed fine. The chair disengaged, he stood up and took a few steps, and collapsed. Elizabeth...he had two seizures before we left the room and then..."

He stopped as Sheppard once again began to flail around on the gurney. They came to an abrupt halt as Beckett shouted, "Hold on to him...he's having another seizure." The gurney was quickly surrounded by people securing the Major, once again guarding him against falling or further injuring himself. Fortunately, it was short-lived and they were on their way within a few minutes.

They reached the infirmary and were met by additional medical personnel. Nick joined Beckett and the two began talking as the gurney with Sheppard disappeared into the depths of the infirmary. The team was left in the waiting area...to wait. And that's what they did for the next two hours. They waited. They stood. They sat. They paced. They read. They talked. They hashed out everything that had happened and what they could have done differently. They theorized what could have happened to Sheppard. They wondered where Atlantis was and why she didn't protect him. They each thought about how scared and nervous they had been to see the expedition's second in command in the throes of a full blown seizure. That had perhaps been the most troublesome event to his team - seeing that total lack of control in the man who was their leader.

Finally, Elizabeth turned in her pacing path to see Carson moving toward them. She rushed to meet him with the rest of the waiting group hot on her heels. "Carson, how's John?"

Carson motioned toward the chairs. "Let's have a seat." When the doctor wants you to sit down to hear how a loved one is, the feeling is pretty much that he's about to tell you something you don't want to hear. That in mind, it was with heavy hearts that Sheppard's team pulled up chairs into a semicircle around Dr. Beckett.

Beckett rubbed his face and then looked at the group before him. "We finally have him stablized. His pulse and breathing are almost back to normal. His temperature is up, but not dangerously so. It's his blood pressure that's got me worried. We've brought it down some, but it's still far too high."

Elizabeth looked confused. "Wait...his blood pressure is high? I thought you always had trouble with it being low?"

"Aye, we did when he was talkin' with Atlantis. But the interaction with the chair has had some dramatically different results. When he talked with Atlantis, his vitals became subdued, sluggish, like he was in a trance. The increase in theta waves support that he was in a trance-like state. But with the chair, his vitals have all become aggitated - everything but his breathin'. The brain wave patterns are totally different, as well."

"Has he regained consciousness yet?" asked Teyla.

"No, he's completely unresponsive at the moment. There's one more thing." Beckett sat looking at the floor, as if trying to find the words he wanted.

"Carson?" said Elizabeth, her fear growing with Carson's struggle to find words.

"Major Sheppard experienced a...cerebrovascular accident."

Rodney gasped. "He had a stroke?" Everyone grew somber but Teyla, who had no idea what they were talking about.

"I do not understand. What is a stroke?"

Carson looked over to Teyla. "Well, lass, it can be caused by either a blood clot or a hemorrhage in a blood vessel in the brain. This disrupts the flow of blood and therefore oxygen to the brain. It can lead to weakness or paralysis, usually on one side of the body."

Teyla nodded. "We have a similar occurance in our people. It can be...very debilitating." Teyla was beginning to understand the concern displayed by the others.

"Carson...is John...how serious is this?" asked Elizabeth, the strain evident in her voice.

Beckett sighed. "We won't know anythin' for sure til he wakes up and I've had a chance to examine him. The area affected appears to be relatively small. We caught it fairly quickly and began treatment early, so I have high hopes for a good prognosis. I just want you to realize that there's a chance...well...the Major could be permanently disabled."

The room was ominously still as they sat in shocked silence, contemplating how Sheppard would react if, indeed, he was permanently disabled. No one really liked the answer.

Elizabeth quickly wiped a shaking hand across her face. "What...what do we do now?"

"We wait. We'll keep trying to get his blood pressure down some more and monitoring him closely. Other than that, we wait til he wakes up."

"How...how long will that be?" Rodney's voice shook slighly and was a little high pitched, as it tended to get when he was nervous or scared.

"There's no way to know. We'll just have to wait. You should all go about your day...I'll call you if he wakes up or if there's any change in his condition. I've got to get back." Beckett stood and went back the way he had come. Everyone else just continued to sit in silence. There didn't seem to be anywhere important enough to go.

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Nick Strauhan joined Kelly as she took Sheppard's vital signs. "What time is it? I got off without my watch. My schedule's so off today with working earlier and then coming back in tonight."

Kelly laughed. "I know what you mean. I'm the same way. It's about...0300. Hey, good news. His pressure's down to 140/90. He's getting there, slowly but surely."

Nick picked up his chart and recorded the number. "Yeah...that's much better than earlier. It was scarey high when they first brought him in. It's wonder he didn't blow more vessels that he did. He was very lucky."

"I just hope he's okay, ya know. I kind of like the guy and, gosh knows, Atlantis needs him."

Nick smiled. "Yeah, he does kind of grow on you. Good thing, as much time as he's spent in the infirmary lately. And I don't think..." Kelly looked up at Nick to see why he had stopped mid-sentence. She found him staring down at Sheppard, who was looking at them curiously. "Major...can you hear me?" Nick moved up to stand beside Sheppard's head.

Sheppard attempted to answer, but the sound came out garbled, not really resembling any particular word. Sheppard's expression changed to one of near panic as he realized he couldn't seem to get his mouth to work well enough to form words.

Nick put his hand on Sheppard's arm and leaned over to be directly in front of Sheppard's gaze. "I need you to relax, Major. Let me do a few quick tests and then I can explain what has happened. Can you do that?" Sheppard, who was lying flat on his back, gave a small nod, afraid to try talking again.

Nick took Sheppard's right hand in his and cupped the Major's fingers around his index finger. "Okay, I want you to grip my finger as hard as you can." Sheppard grasped Nick's finger. It wasn't a typical Sheppard grip, but it was nevertheless fairly firm and strong. Nick knew the Major's condition was easily responsible for the small lack of strength in the limb. "Good. Okay, now let's do the other hand." He put Sheppard's hand down and moved to the other side of the bed. He picked up the patient's left hand and repreated the procedure and instructions. The grip that followed was easily half the strenth of his right hand, at best. At least he wasn't paralyzed. "Okay, good." He looked at Sheppard, the fear growing in the man's eyes as he realized something was wrong.

"Take it easy, Major. I'll explain in a minute." He then moved to the foot of the bed. He pulled the covers back from Sheppard's legs up to his knees. He picked up the right leg and bent it slightly at the knee. Bracing himself, he put one hand under Sheppard's foot and one hand against the sole of his foot. "Push against my hand, Major." Sheppard pushed hard enough he was able to straighten his leg against the pressure exerted by Nick. "Good." He put the Major's leg down and repreated the procedure with his left leg. "Okay,now push." The left leg was much weaker, not even pushing hard enough to move Nick's hand. "Okay." He returned Sheppard's leg to the bed and replaced the covers. He looked briefly over to Kelly. "What was his temp.?"

Kelly referred back to the chart. "Uh, looks like 100.2. It's also slowly coming down."

"Okay, thanks. I'm going to talk to Major Sheppard for a few minutes if you need to do something else." Kelly quickly picked up on the fact that Nick wanted to talk to the man alone.

"Yes, actually I do have some things I need to attend to. Call me if you need me." She turned and left the two men alone.

Nick pulled a chair up beside Sheppard's bed and sat down, bringing him close to the Major and making eye contact easier. "Okay, let's talk." He could see the fear in Sheppard's features had increased summarily until the man was in near panic mode. The heart monitor the Major was still connected to beeped rapidly, worrying Nick that the irregular pattern from earlier might recur. "First thing is that you need to relax. Close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths. Breathe in slowly through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth."

Sheppard looked uncertain, but followed the directions. Inside he was trying desperately to calm himself down and slow his rapid heartbeat. He felt marginally better after doing what Nick had told him, but his stomach was tied in a knot and his pulse still seemed too fast. He was trying to ignore the throbbing headache as he opened his eyes and looked back at Nick.

"Good," said Nick. "Now, the first thing you need to know is that you are going to be okay. I know you're scared right now and you're not sure what's happened, but I can honestly tell you, that from your test results and from what I saw just now, you should make a full recovery." He paused, letting that information sink in. He was happy to note that the beeping of the monitor had slowed to a more acceptable level. "Do you understand what I just said?"

Sheppard nodded slightly. He could tell from the careful way he moved that the Major had a pretty bad headache, but he didn't want to give him anything just yet.

"Okay...Major, your interaction with the chair caused your blood pressure and temperature to soar sky high. We're not sure if it was the combination of those or something else about the chair, but you had three seizures. It took quite a while to get your blood pressure down to a half-way acceptable level. Somewhere in all this...you had a mild stroke."

Sheppard felt as though someone had body slammed him against a very hard wall. His mind instantly flashed back to his best friend in junior high, Jimmy. He had gone with him on many occasions to visit his grandmother, who had suffered a stroke several years earlier. She lived in a nursing home and he could still see her, shuffling down the hall with her walker, a nurse usually nearby in case she fell. Sheppard had never understood a word she tried to utter. Jimmy and the nurses could usually figure out what she was saying, but Sheppard always thought it sounded like gibberish. He distinctly remembered feeling sorry for her, trapped in a body that simply refused to work right. That image morphed into an image of him. shuffling down the corridors of Atlantis with his walker while people who passed felt sorry for the now helpless, former military leader of the city. He pictured himself trying to carry on conversations with Elizabeth or Rodney while they smiled and tried to act like they understood his garbled words.

"Major! You're not listening to me." Nick was now right in his face, trying to get him to pay attention. He must have been talking to him while he was daydreaming. "You are going to be fine. The stroke was small and very localized. We caught it early and you received treatment quickly. You're experiencing some weakness on your left side, but it will pass. At most, you may need a little physical therapy to get your muscle strength restored full force, but you are not paralyzed and you should not have any permanent damage. And your speech should be better by tomorrow. It may take a couple of days until it's completely cleared up, but it will clear up. You just have to give it a little time. Trust me."

Sheppard's breathing began to ease as what Nick was saying began to sink in. He wanted to ask questons, but was afraid to try talking again. He couldn't bear to hear that garbled mess of sound come from his lips. He'd just wait it out. He simply nodded slightly at Nick, indicating that he understood. His head was really beginning to pound and the exhaustion was pulling him down. Nick sat and watched as his eyelids drifted closed and he fell into an uneasy sleep.

Except for doing periodic checks on the other patients in the infirmary, Nick stayed the rest of the night in the chair beside Sheppard's bed, carefully watching the monitors and checking his blood pressure. Sheppard stirred restlessly and made small, sad sounds occasionally, causing Nick to wonder what he was dreaming. He had no idea why, but he felt the need to watch over Sheppard, to make sure someone was there in case he woke. As morning began to break and the dark corners began to give way to gray, he dozed off, leaned back in the chair with his feet propped on the lower support rails of the bed. And that's how Beckett found him when he arrived at the infirmary at 0700 hours, sleepily standing guard over his patient.

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A couple of hours later, Teyla, Ford, McKay, and Weir all arrived in a group to check on Major Sheppard. Beckett had contacted Elizabeth to let her know Sheppard had regained consciousness during the night. She informed him that she would gather the troops, so to speak, and report to the infirmary for their own private briefing. Beckett was waiting on them as they rolled in the door. The first thing they noticed made them all feel intensely better - Beckett was smiling.

"Oh I hope that smile means you have good news," said Elizabeth.

"Aye, I do. He's going to be fine. I haven't had a chance to examine him myself, but from Nick's report, it sounds like we got off easy. He has some weakness on the left side that we'll have to deal with, but it shouldn't take long to clear up. His was having trouble with his speech last night, but that should get better today. If he wakes up and talks, try not to make a big deal of it if he slurs his words or he sounds a bit garbled. That's to be expected for a day or two. I want everyone to remain positive. Nick told him what had happened and said he seemed very disturbed by it. We need to keep his spirits up - it'll make for a faster recovery."

"Does that mean we can see him?" asked McKay.

"Aye, I'll let you in for a minute. I'll need to check on him first, and then I'll come get you. Wait here for a moment." Beckett turned and headed back into the infirmary.

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Sheppard opened his eyes, squinting against the bright lights. He looked across the infirmary, aware that the predominant sound on this end was the steading beeping of his monitor. He was more clear headed than when he had awakened earlier, so he tried to take in his surroundings. Heart monitor, - check. Finger pulse oximeter - check. IV - check. Blood pressure cuff - check. Oh crap. Catheter - check. Giant headache - check. Rodney - no check. That worried him a little. Rodney was usually staked out at his bedside. Either Rodney wasn't so good or he'd been in bad enough shape that Beckett had run everyone out. He was hoping it was the latter and not the former.

"Major? Are you awake, now lad?" Sheppard turned his head to see Beckett approaching. He was still afraid to talk, so he just looked at Beckett.

Beckett stood and looked at him for a minute. "Do you plan on answering me?"

Sheppard gently shook his head no.

Beckett sighed. "Nick told me about last night. Son, you can't refuse to talk just because you're afraid. I know what you're thinkin'. If you don't try to talk, it doesn't mean you can't talk. If you try and it doesn't come out right, then you know you're having trouble for sure. It will get better, son, but you've got to work at it. Do you understand?"

Sheppard knew what he meant and he knew he was right. He may as well give it a try while it was just Beckett to hear him if he choked and made goofy sounding garbled noises. He focused on what he wanted to say. "Kay, doc." It was slightly slurred, but it was understandable.

Beckett smiled. "Now see, that wasn't so bad. Keep trying to talk son, It will get better. Now, I need to repeat what Dr. Strauhan did with you last night."

Sheppard wasn't sure he wanted to do that either, but he knew he didn't have a choice. It scared him to realize what had happened and how close he had come to that shuffling walker. He shivered.

Beckett looked at him in concern. "Are you okay, Major?"

"Mm good," nodded Sheppard.

Beckett ran through the same set of tests that Nick had done the night before, with much the same results. Sheppard watched his face closely, trying to read his expression. He still had the fear that they were sugar-coating this and not telling him how serious his condition was. Would they tell him if he was headed for a medical discharge? Although, since they were in another galaxy, they couldn't really discharge him yet. Weir could permanenty remove him from duty though.

"Looks good, Major. We'll have you back on your feet in a few days. How about some visitors? I've got a room full of people anxious to see you."

"No," said Sheppard, his eyes dark.

Beckett put a reassuring hand on his arm. "Son...I know this is hard on you...but those people out there care about you and they've been worried sick. The last time they laid eyes on you, you were unconscious, barely breathing, and having one seizure after another. They **need** to see that you are okay."

Sheppard considered that for a moment. "Kay. Not...talkn...mch."

"I don't think they'll care if you talk at all. They just need to see that you are very much back in the land of the living. I'll just sit you up a bit and then go get them." Beckett moved over to the head of the bed and elevated it somewhat. The movement spiked the pain in Sheppard's head and sent the room spinning around uncontrollably. He closed his eyes against both and pushed his head back into the pillow. He felt Beckett's hand on his shoulder, steadying him. "Just ride it out, Major."

A couple of minutes later, the spinning slowed to a stop and the pain in his head dropped back to a dull throb. He opened his eyes to find a nurse blotting the sweat from his forehead with a cool rag and Beckett offering him some water. He gratefully sipped from the straw, never attempting to take the cup from Beckett. He was pretty sure he wouldn't have been able to hang onto it. "Tanks," he slurred.

"I'll be right back, Major." When Beckett returned a few minutes later with his team in tow, the nurse quietly slipped off.

Elizabeth immediately took up residence on Sheppard's left, gently taking his hand in hers. "John, we're glad to see you awake. How do you feel?"

"Mm good." He tried to smile for his team, but it felt like his mouth wouldn't completely cooperate. He couldn't see the final result of his effort, which was to emphasize a slight droop to the right side of his mouth, giving him a somewhat lopsided appearance. It was all his team could do not to cry. For them, it served as a reminder that their team leader was suffering the after effects of a stroke, a fact they found somewhat unnerving.

Ford broke the awkward silence. "We were glad to hear that you're going to be okay. Dr. Beckett says you'll make a full recovery."

"Yes, Dr. Beckett told us you would be back on your feet very soon. We will look forward to that day," added Teyla, trying to be encouraging.

Sheppard looked over at McKay, who stood in the background, strangely silent and staring at the floor. "MmKay?"

McKay looked up at Sheppard, his eyes asking what was wrong. He stepped forward, closer to the foot of the bed. "Major...Major, I'm sorry. I should have checked the chair out more thoroughly. You protect us from the Genii and the wraith. I protect you from mechanical and technological things. It was my job. Maybe if I had..."

"MmKay! Not...you...fault. No...one...fault." He could feel his eyelids beginning to droop and he felt like his body was made of lead. He knew he couldn't stay awake much longer and he didn't want McKay on a guilt trip about what had happened.

"No, Major...you can't absolve me of this one. I'm the one that did the check on the chair. Maybe there's a power problem or something. It just didn't seem that different from the others." McKay ran his hand through his hair, nervously starting to pace around the foot of the bed.

"Kay...couldn't know...Don't ...do...this...please." His eyes drifted shut before McKay could respond.

"Okay, he's asleep and he needs the rest. All of you need to get out of here for a while. You can stop by this afternoon if you like." Beckett herded everyone out of the infirmary as Sheppard slept and dreamed of Atlantis.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 - The Mind of Atlantis

Later that afternoon, Sheppard opened his eyes slowly, giving himself time to adjust to the light in the room. He could hear the normal sounds of the daytime bustle of the infirmary. They had put up privacy curtains on either side of his bed, and for that he was grateful. He needed to be away from prying and curious eyes. He shifted postitions slightly, making him aware of the various tubes and monitors attached to his body. There was one tube in particular he was anxious to get rid of, but he knew it wasn't going to happen today. No way on earth could he get out of bed, much less walk anywhere. No...he was stuck for a while. His mind drifted to Atlantis and he wished she was there for him to talk to. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temple with his right hand, the remnants of a headache still lingering.

"John?" He looked up to see Atlantis standing beside his bed. "How are you?'

"Good." She reached out and touched his hand, sparking a tingling feeling across his skin.

"Wow. Wha's sat?" Atlantis frowned at his slurred words.

"Oh, John. I am so sorry. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. It's my fault. I was in too big a hurry and I did not take the proper precautions."

John smiled at her and tried to reach over to put his left hand on hers, only to discover he didn't quite have the strength to make it. He looked angry for a second, but then it passed as he looked back up at Atlantis. "Not...you ...fault. Juss...happen."

Atlantis looked really distressed now. "No, you don't understand. I should have had the machine scan you and then recalibrate. I didn't. Instead, I just set it how I thought it should be set. I have since gone back and examined the chair settings and your records in the database. I know what happened and I have fixed it. But...if you do not want to continue your training, I understand."

Sheppard shook his head. "Not...quit...you fixed?"

"Yes...but we will recalibrate with you there...just to be sure. I will not let this happen again. I was so anxious to have you trained...I was careless. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Nothin...to...frgive." Sheppard wanted to say more, but he was having enough trouble with keeping it short and sweet. He figured he could always elaborate later. Of all the effects the stroke had had, the speech problems had bothered him the most. But that was probably because he hadn't really tried to move around very much. That would sink in later.

"Thank you, John," she said softly.

He heard the sound of someone coming and glanced away from Atlantis to see who it was. Beckett approached his bed, smiling. "Good afternoon, Major. How do you feel?"

Sheppard looked back to his right, but Atlantis was gone. He sighed and turned back to Beckett, who was trying to figure out what he was looking for. "Kay." Sheppard realized for the first time that he had just been talking to Atlantis without going to sleep or into some kind of trance. He had been totally conscious. And he felt no different than before she had come. He still had a small headache and still felt somewhat drained, but no more so than before she had appeared. He had a feeling he had crossed some threshhold in their communication abilities.

"Major?" Sheppard looked up at Beckett.

"Sorry...thinkin'." Beckett couldn't figure out why Sheppard was grinning from ear to ear, but he was certainly glad to see his patient in good spirits.

-----------------------------------------

Sheppard leaned back against the pillows and moved his legs around restlessly under the covers. It had been over a week since the "chair incident", as it was now known. He was finally free from all wires, tubes, and monitors and it hadn't come soon enough to suit him. He was feeling good and he wanted out. He brought his left hand up and made a fist, alternately clenching and unclenching it. He was very aware of the lingering weakness in his left side, but, it was getting better day by day. Beckett had one of the nurses working with him doing exercises twice a day, attempting to build the strength back up in his left arm and leg. He was becoming confident that he would actually make a full recovery - at least someday.

He brought his attention back to Beckett's office door. Beckett, Elizabeth, and McKay had been in there behind closed doors (well, actually it was only one door) for quite a while. He figured he knew what they were talking about and he was more than a little upset that he had been summarily excluded. He was perfectly capable of walking to Beckett's office and Beckett knew it. The doctor had him taking small walks a couple of times a day as part of his physical therapy. That meant that the only reason for him not being in that room was that they didn't want him there. They were purposely leaving him out of the loop and no matter how hard he tried not to think about it, that hurt both his feelings and his pride.

The door opened and he laced his fingers together as he placed his hands behind his head and watched the trio emerge from the office. They continued talking a minute before McKay and Weir walked out of the infirmary. Beckett paused a second and glanced over at Sheppard, noticing that he had been watching them. Beckett hesitated for a moment before walking over to Sheppard's bed.

"Hey, Doc. You guys enjoy your meeting?" Sheppard was never so glad to have his speech back as right this minute.

Beckett didn't say anything for several minutes as he checked Sheppard's blood pressure, pulse, and temperature. When he had noted the results on the Major's chart, he stood looking sheepishly at Sheppard. "We were just clearing some things up."

"Really? About what? I guess it wasn't too important since I wasn't invited."

"Major...you're on medical leave right now."

Sheppard crossed his arms. "I'm still the top ranking military officer on this base and, as such, I should be kept in the loop. And that includes when you are talking about me. What did you tell them? Or is that a secret too?"

Beckett sighed loudly. "I suppose I had that comin'." He pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down. "They were worried about you and I was updatin' them on your condition. I assured them that everythin's almost back to normal - blood pressure and temperature are finally looking good. You said your headache's been better the last couple of days."

"And what else?"

"We talked about the fact that you would probably want to give that chair another try...and that we didn't think that was a good idea."

"Was that it?"

"Pretty much. Elizabeth asked when you might get released from the infirmary."

Sheppard perked up at this. "As it so happens, that was on my list of questions to ask as well. What did you tell her?"

Beckett smiled. "I was thinkin' tomorrow after breakfast, as long as nothin' goes wrong between now and then."

Sheppard smiled broadly. "Really? Tomorrow?"

"Aye. Of course there will be," Sheppard joined him to finish the sentence. "..conditions."

Beckett nodded. "Glad you understand, Major. You'll need to check with me twice a day for a day or two. I need to make sure you're holding up okay. We'll cut it down as I see how it goes. You'll need to get lots of rest and I expect you to continue with your exercises for a while."

Sheppard nodded. "I can do all that. How long before you release me to duty?"

"One thing at a time, Major. One thing at a time." Beckett got up and turned to leave.

"Doc?" Beckett turned back to Sheppard, who had an uncharacteristically serious expression on his face. "Doc...thanks. Thanks for taking care of me and making sure I'm...okay."

Beckett felt his heart move about ten steps up into his throat as he was reminded of why he had wanted to be a doctor in the first place. This was what made the rest of the turmoil and heartache worth it - when you had truly helped someone and they really appreciated it.

"Any time, Major." He turned and walked back to his office, aware that he was wearing a big, goofy grin.

-------------------------------------------

Sheppard nodded at the group of scientists that passed him in the corridor. He had been out of the infirmary for a week and had just embarked on his daily afternoon walk. He had followed a pretty strict routine the past week and it was getting monotonous. He was used to a little more spontaneity in his life and the lack of it was wearing him down.

"Major? Where are you headed?" He looked up to find Elizabeth falling into stride beside him.

"Just walking. Beckett won't let me run yet, but he said walking was good for me. I usually head toward the southwest pier for my afternoon jaunt."

"You don't walk the whole way do you? That's pretty far away." Elizabeth frowned in concern, which only annoyed Sheppard.

"I walk all the way there. I was taking a couple of transporters back, but now I'm up to walking part way back and just taking one transporter the rest of the way. I hope to work up to walking all the way back by next week."

"Does Carson know how far you're walking?" She knew it would irritate him for her to ask that, but she was having a hard time hiding her concern.

Sheppard sighed loudly so that Elizabeth could hear his frustration. "I asked him if I could go back to running. He said no, but I could walk. He didn't ask where I was walking to or how far away it was. I won't break, Elizabeth. I've been walking this route all week and I'm fine."

"I know...I worry too much. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I just get tired of everyone asking me if I'm okay or if I'm eating or how I feel. I don't like being mothered and it seems like everyone has taken that on as their personal project. I can't wait to get back to normal."

They walked in awkward silence for a few moments before Elizabeth asked, "Mind if I join you for your walk?"

Sheppard smiled. "If you don't mind walking so far."

"I don't mind."

"Good," he said lightly. "To tell you truth, I think I'd like the company."

"And I promise not to mother or nag." Elizabeth grinned, glad the awkwardness of a moment ago had passed.

"In that case, you are definitely welcome to come."

They walked for 45 minutes, sometimes in a comfortable silence, sometimes talking about the workings of the city. When they reached the balcony over the southwest pier, they leaned against the railing, looking out across the water as they rested.

"It really is beautiful here. I see why you like it so much. I was just wondering...have you talked to Atlantis since...the training session?"

"Actually, yes. Several times." He continued to look out at the ocean, avoiding her eye contact as she turned to him.

"Does..." she stopped, realizing her next question would probably start a fight.

Sheppard had anticipated the question, though. Now he turned to face her, his expression suprisingly relaxed. "No, Beckett doesn't know. He doesn't have to know. It's different now...I talk to her when I'm awake. It doesn't cause any physical symptoms, Elizabeth. No headache. No tiredness. Nothing more than standing here talking to you."

"I'm glad to hear that. Do you have any idea what caused the change?"

"The training session. She said it..." He squinted his eyes and frowned, as if deep in thought. "...it laid down the proper...neural pathways...or something like that. Anyway, it enabled me to communicate with her without hurting me."

"Have you...have you asked her what went wrong?"

"Yes, we've discussed it. She knows what happened and has fixed the problem. She's even got a sort of back-up system to make sure it doesn't happen again. Of course, I'll have to complete the exercises on the training consoles before I can download the next session and I can't do any of that until Beckett clears me." He noticed the way she was looking at him and he knew what it meant. "You don't want me to continue, do you?"

"I can't believe you even have to ask. No, I don't think you should continue. John, it almost killed you. You had a stroke. You could very easily have been..."

"Crippled...disabled...a vegetable...go ahead and say it Elizabeth. And you're right, I could have been...but I'm not. I'm okay...thanks to Beckett. And I'm going to continue to be okay. We'll just be a little more careful next time."

Elizabeth squinted her eyes at him in a way that let him know she was about to tell him no. "Look...obviously I'm not ready to do any of this yet. Promise me you'll at least think about it. I can't explain it, Elizabeth, but this is something that I have to do. I think this is about more than just me. Please...at least think about it." His eyes pleaded with her in a way she always found hard to resist. She was pretty sure he knew it, too.

"I will think about it...but no promises."

He smiled broadly, having won the first skirmish. "Thanks. Hey, it's close to dinner time. How about we head back and get something to eat."

She nodded. "I'm game. Either my stomach is growling or I've swallowed a small dog."

Sheppard looked at her stomach. "That would be a VERY small dog."

She slapped him on the arm. "Oh, you! Let's get back before they send out a search party."

They stepped out of a transporter barely thirty minutes later, having only walked part of the way back. Elizabeth had encouraged not walking the whole distance because she noticed that Sheppard's limp was coming back, a sure sign that he was tiring. He'd worked hard and improved much over the last two weeks, but there were still some telltale reminders of his recent stroke. One was the limp that tended to reappear at night, when he was tired from the day's activities. She occasionally noticed some weakness in his left hand, as well. After they had filled their trays and taken a seat at a table, he had almost dropped the drink he had been carrying in his left hand. She had noticed his hand trembling under the weight of the full glass as they searched for an empty table. Once they found one, he barely made contact with the table when his hand gave way completely. He had managed to keep from spilling very much, but he knew she had seen and he was obviously troubled by it.

Elizabeth tried to lighten the mood. "Guess it's time to feed that hungry dog. How about you, are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I'm hungry I guess." He had carefully tucked his left hand in his lap and was eating with his right hand.

"It's going to take a while, you know. And you're making good progress."

"I know," he said sheepishly. "It's just...hard sometimes. I'm not used to being...weak...and I don't like it much."

"You're not weak, you're recovering. There's a difference you know."

"Guess I never thought of it like that."

"So...are you going to eat?"

"Yes...actually...I'm quite starved. I think I need to feed my dog, too." He reached over with his right hand and placed it on hers. "Thanks."

They both smiled. "Just don't scare me like that again, okay?" She turned her hand over in his and gripped it.

"Okay." They released their grip and continued eating, comfortable with each other's presence.

-----------------------------------------

The next morning, Sheppard was still looking for ways to change up his routine so he didn't die of boredom. He swung by the workout room on the off chance of catching Teyla and was rewarded with seeing her practicing her forms. He watched for several minutes before she saw him standing in the doorway. He never failed to be impressed by her strength or grace. It was almost magical to watch her work.

"Major. I did not see you standing there. Is there something I can do for you?" She picked up her towel and wiped it across her face.

"Yes, actually there is. How about a practice session?"

She hesitated a moment, trying to read his face. "Has Dr. Beckett cleared you for such activity?"

"He said I could exercise. The only thing I can't do is run." She still looked uncertain. "Teyla, you've got to help me out here. I'm dying of boredom. Please."

"All right, Major. A short session. And you must let me know if you become distressed in any way."

Sheppard almost leaped with joy. "You bet. I'll let you know if I get too tired. Thanks, Teyla. I owe you one."

Teyla nodded. "If you get me in trouble with Dr. Beckett, you will regret it Major." She took a drink of water and picked up her sticks. By the time she returned to the mat, Sheppard was there waiting on her.

They went a quick round, matching each other blow for blow. It finally ended in a draw and they each withdrew, returning to their start position. Sheppard eyed her while twirling a stick in his right hand. "You're going easy on me, Teyla. Stop it. I can't learn if you don't challenge me."

"I was simply taking your recent illness into account, Major. I knew you would be somewhat unpracticed."

"Yeah, well, I still don't want you going easy on me."

Teyla raised one eyebrow. "As you wish, Major."

The next round was much faster, with Teyla knocking Sheppard to the mat within a minute. He picked himself up off the mat smiling. "Now that's more like it."

Teyla looked confused. "I do not understand. You want me to defeat you?"

Sheppard and Teyla were circling each other now, Sheppard twirling his stick. "It's not that I want you to beat me. I just want you to be honest in your attack. I want you to try your best to beat me, not back off and let me win. I don't learn anything from that."

Teyla nodded her understanding. "Then it is my best you shall have." She moved in for the attack. Sheppard was able to fend it off for several minutes this time, but in the end she smacked him on the back of his knees, sending him down to the mat. She walked over and stood beside him, looking down and smiling. "Was that better, Major?"

"Oh, yeah...much. I seem to spend a lot of time down here." He took her hand as she helped him back to his feet. "I'm going to get you one day...it's just not looking like it's going to be today." They were circling each other again. Sheppard was having a little trouble gripping the stick in his left hand, so he concentrated on holding it more tightly. Teyla attacked. The second time their sticks met, he completely lost his grip and the stick flew out of his hand. Teyla's momentum carried her forward and she smacked him hard on the left hand. He winced as he moved out of the way, dodging the rest of the attack.

"Major...I'm sorry. Are you all right?" Teyla seemed horrified that she had hit him so hard.

"I'm fine. It's not like that's the first time you've ever hit me with the sticks." He picked up the stick he had dropped, watching his hand as he tightened and loosened his grip on the stick. After a few seconds, he looked back up at her. "I"m ready...Let's go again."

Teyla looked uncertain, but she finally nodded and went back to her ready position. They exchanged blows and blocks for several seconds before Sheppard once again felt the strength flow from his left hand the dropped the stick he had been holding. He tried to lean to the left to avoid the oncoming hit, but his leg gave way and he went down on one knee just as Teyla smacked him across the shoulders. He went down on his left side onto the mat. Teyla immediately dropped her sticks and ran to kneel by his side.

"Major? Are you all right?"

"Teyla, I'm fine. The only thing hurt here is my pride," he said, sounding annoyed as he rolled over onto his back.

"Should I not call Dr. Beckett?"

"Gosh, no. Why on earth would you do that? This is humiliating enough without an audience. I told you, I'm fine."

"Why is this humiliating? I have been fighting like this much longer than you. Should I not be able to beat you?"

"I didn't mean that part. I meant me practically falling down in the middle of sparring. And then there's the whole can't hang onto my stick for the life of me thing."

Teyla peered down at him. "I think you have tried to do too much. You must give yourself time to heal. You are slow because you have been unable to practice for some time. You should practice forms and movement and we can spar later. You have had enough for today, but you may join me tomorrow if you wish."

Sheppard smiled. "I wish. Same time?"

"Yes, the same time. Are you sure you are uninjured?"

"I'm sure. Fortunately you hit like a girl."

Teyla raised her eyebrows as her eyes flashed. "**What** did you say?"

"Oops!"

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

I should have done this in chapter one, but being a brainless wonder, I forgot. I have once again borrowed Nick from Rogue1503. Thanks for the loan! Also, thanks to the reviewersfor the feedback - you guys rock my world.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 9

By the middle of the afternoon, Sheppard was bored again, so naturally he headed for McKay's lab. He stopped in the doorway, noting McKay leaned over the work-table, typing away on his computer. "Hey, McKay, whatcha doing?" he asked as he walked in.

McKay jumped straight up, knocking the stool he had been sitting on over. "Shoot!" He turned around quickly, a scowl on his face. When he saw Sheppard approaching, he leaned back against the bench and stretched his arms out protectively. "Stay back. Don't come any closer."

Sheppard stopped, the confusion evident on his face. "McKay...what are you doing?"

McKay continued to hide the things on the bench. "Go away, Major. You can't activate anything, Beckett will kill me. You don't even need to come close to this stuff so you won't accidently touch anything."

Sheppard rolled his eyes. "Oh for heaven's sake, McKay. I won't touch anything." He continued to walk towards McKay and the workbench. McKay scrambled to gather up the devices and put them on the far end of the bench. Sheppard sat down on the stool next to the one McKay had occupied and waited on the scientist to return to his seat.

McKay sat down, panting from the effort. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be napping or doing exercises or something?"

"I already did my exercises...and the morning walk. I skipped the nap today. Wasn't tired, much less sleepy. I've got to find a way to convince Beckett I'm not in kindergarten. I did work out with Teyla for a while." His expression became more serious as he rubbed his shoulder. "Don't EVER tell her she hits like a girl."

McKay's eyes widened. "What? Why would I do that?"

"Never mind. Long story. What are you doing? Can I help?"

McKay sighed. "I wish. I've been trying to translate the ancient text we found in the training room and anaylze the power outputs and signals during your time in the chair. I was hoping that would help me figure out what happened."

"That's okay. Atlantis has already adjusted the chair. I just need Beckett to clear me so I can go back to training."

McKay looked at him like he was crazy. "Are you nuts? You can't get back in that chair. It almost fried your brain! Not that that would make much difference, considering the subject, but still, you want to keep what little sense you have. There's no way you're getting back in that chair, Major."

Sheppard just smiled. "Oh yes I am...when the time is right. I'm not arguing about this now, McKay. What can I do to help?" He reached over and slid the data pad next to McKay closer where he could see it. "What is this? Is it from the training room?" He looked at it for just a second and then began to read. "It has been decreed by the council that all members of the council and their families, as well as all military leaders and their families, shall be tested for their key abilities forthwith." He looked up at McKay, who was staring at him with his mouth slightly open. "McKay...are you all right?"

"You...you...you read Ancient. How long have you been able to read Ancient?"

"McKay, we talked about this already. I can't read..." He had glanced back down at the data pad and only then noticed that the text on the pad was indeed written in Ancient. "Oh my gosh...I read Ancient. Cool!"

McKay took the data pad and changed the screen, handing it back to Sheppard. "Read this."

Sheppard took it out of McKay's hand and looked down at the signs that somehow seemed as familiar as the letters of the alphabet. "The energy output for sector three, area one is controlled by..." McKay grabbed the data pad and looked at it.

"That's right. You can actually...read Ancient." He looked up at Sheppard, who was disturbed by the fleeting look of fear that crossed his friend's face. McKay hit his radio link. "Elizabeth, I need you in my lab."

They heard her voice answer just a second later. "Rodney, I'm busy right now. I'll drop by later."

Rodney smiled. "Elizabeth...John is with me and...he can read Ancient."

There was a brief pause. "I'll be right there." McKay nodded and smiled.

Ten minutes later, Elizabeth walked quickly through the door. "What do you mean, John can read Ancient?"

McKay handed her the data pad. "Pick any of the files of Ancient text you want and then hand it to him."

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes at them. She had the strange feeling they were setting her up for a joke and was reluctant to play along. On the other hand, if they were doing that, why would they let her pick the text. He couldn't possible have memorized what all of them said. She finally picked one and loaded it on the screen. "Okay, try that." She handed the pad to Sheppard.

He yawned and looked at it a second. "Trade agreements have been reached with the Mashinti people in the third cycle of the ..."

"Oh my gosh! You really can read Ancient. Why didn't you tell me?" Weir's expression shifted from disbelief to shock as she took the pad back and stared at it.

"Elizabeth, I just figured it out, that's why. I didn't realize I could read Ancient until I looked at it just now."

Elizabeth furrowed her brow in confusion. "How do you not know you can read Ancient? Do you have any other new abilities? How is this possible?"

"It's from the training session. The session itself was a success. I absorbed the information I was meant to get. There were some problems with the method of transfer, but it was still a success. And...I'm not sure what else I can do. There's not a menu...or an index...in my head of new abilities. I just...find them as I need them or try to do something related...or think about needing them. It's hard to explain. I'm sure I'll find out more as I do the simulations on the control panels in the training room."

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes at him. "John...I haven't made my decision on that yet."

He held his hands up defensively. "I know...I know..." He looked nervously from Elizabeth to McKay and back, reminding her of a high school student caught skipping class.

"What else?" she asked. She could tell from his mannerisms that there was something he wasn't telling them and was debating whether or not he should. "Come on, John, give."

Sheppard looked down sheepishly. "Okay...I discovered something else I can do a little while ago." He looked up at them to find them staring at him.

"Out with it, Major! What else can you do? What, are you going to make us wait and unwrap it on Christmas?" McKay had passed impatient several minutes ago.

Sheppard smiled at them and they noted a brief frown of concentration. Then the lights went out and the lab was plunged into darkness.

"Oh crap, not now," cried McKay. "Don't do anything, Sheppard, we won't be able to see it. I certainly don't want to miss whatever parlor trick you've come up with." As he finished talking, the lights came back on. "What was that?" McKay asked, rolling his eyes. "I swear, the power flicks on and off in this place like those tacky blinking lights people put on their Christmas trees. If I didn't know better, I'd swear someone was forgetting to pay the light bill around here. Okay, Major, let's get this show on the road. What did you want to show us."

"That was it, Rodney," Sheppard said calmly. "The lights." Rodney looked amazed.

"That...that was you? Do it again."

"Okay...I'll even add in the hall lights." The lights in the lab and the hall outside went dark for several seconds before suddenly coming back on.

A look of understanding crossed Elizabeth's face. "It was you. I've been dealing with complaints of power flickering on and off in various parts of the city since about lunchtime. It was you, wasn't it?"

Sheppard just grinned like a kid. "I...sort of figured it out by accident. I was wishing the lights in my quarters would go out...and they did. So then I tried it in the hall. And then...I guess I kind of wandered around trying to see how well I could control it. I can do a room or several rooms or whole sector. However much or little I want. I guess I got a little carried away. Sorry!"

Weir closed her eyes and shook her head, her arms crossed against her chest. "John...I swear...sometimes I think you have the mind of a child."

McKay snorted. "Where have you been the last few months? Are you just now figuring this out?"

"Hey...let's not blow this out of proportion. No one was hurt or anything. I was just...conducting a little experiment."

Elizabeth sighed. "You can't just go around turning the lights off on people."

"I know...it won't happen again. I was just...excited. Elizabeth...I'm changing...I can feel myself changing. I'm going to be able to help us...to help Atlantis ...so much more when I've completed the training."

Elizabeth shook her head. "I still don't know about that John. And you should probably check in with Carson. We don't know if these...changes...have done anything to you or not."

"I'm tired of checking with Beckett every time I need to blink. This is **supposed** to happen. It's the natural progression of things. There's nothing wrong with me." He got up and paced back and forth a couple of times before turning to them, a strained smile on his face. "I can't do this right now. We'll have to talk about this later." He turned and exited the room, leaving McKay and Weir standing in stunned silence.

Without even thinking about where he was going, Sheppard headed for the southwest pier. He didn't realize it, but as he left the populated part of the city, he continued to pick up speed until he was running. He ran until he reached the balcony...his balcony. When he finally stopped, his lungs burned as he gulped in air. Sweat ran down the sides of his face and his limbs trembled with exhaustion. He could tell the lack of exercise the last few months had rendered him very much out of shape. But it felt so good to be really tired. It felt good to breathe hard and hear his heart thumping rapidly in his chest. He had missed it. He closed his eyes and sucked in the cool ocean air. They didn't understand. None of them did...and he didn't know how to explain it. Heck...he didn't really understand what was happening to him either, so how could he explain it to someone else. He had to make them accept the fact that he had to do this and that he would be better for it. He sat down and leaned his face against the slats of the railing, resting until his heart rate and breathing had slowed. He'd probably be in trouble if Beckett ever found out, but he had needed the run, both physically and mentally. He felt more clear-headed than he had in a while.

When he finally headed back, he knew he'd be walking and not running. His left leg was weak and shaky, his limp more pronounced than it had been since before he was released from the infirmary. And yet he walked all the way back. He was just stubborn enough not to take a transporter. He wasn't sure what he was trying to prove or who he was trying to prove it to. He really didn't know why he did it, but he was on the verge of regretting it as he rounded the last corner before reaching his quarters. He was practically dragging his left leg behind him.

He thought the door open when he was still several feet away and closed it behind him as he stumbled into his quarters. He barely made it to the bed in time to fall onto it. He lay there a moment, not sure he could move. He knew he needed a shower and change of clothes, but he was just too exhausted. He was in the process of trying to kick his shoes off without actually having to bend over when his radio activated and Beckett's voice came through.

"Major...this is Dr. Beckett. I need you to report to the infirmary. You missed your afternoon check."

Sheppard groaned loudly. Crap. He picked up his radio and tapped in. "Doc...I thought that was tomorrow."

"Major, I said every two days and I didn't see you yesterday. That means you come in today. I'll expect you in ten minutes."

Sheppard's mind was working overtime. If he went down there now, Beckett would lock him up and throw away the key. He was pretty sure he had been threatened with that very thing recently. He had to stall. "Doc...I just got back from my walk and I'm kind of tired. I just laid down, as a matter of fact. How about I see you in a couple of hours?"

"I have plans tonight, Major. I need you here right now. And no, you can't just wait til tomorrow. If you're not here in ten minutes, I'll come to you."

Sheppard sighed, knowing he was beat. "I'm on my way." He sat up and shoved his feet back in his shoes. Then he got up and began the long, limping trip to the infirmary.

By the time he reached the infirmary, Sheppard was holding onto the wall for support. He had barely taken two hobbling steps into the room when Beckett appeared by his side, supporting his as he guided him to a bed. Sheppard was panting heavily by the time he managed to get up on the bed. Beckett stood back a step and crossed his arms, his expression not very happy.

"Son, you weren't limpin' this bad when I released you. What have you done to yourself?"

"Nothing...I just ra...walked farther than I usually do and I ..."

"You ran? Are you daft? Do you listen to me when I talk to you? I specifically told you NOT to run. You want to tell me why you feel it necessary to ignore everythin' I tell you?"

"I wasn't ignoring you," Sheppard said quietly. "I didn't intend to run...it just...happened. Doc, you have to understand...I needed it so much. I actually felt alive again...I've been so...inactive and stagnant. I've done everything you've told me...up until the run. I guess I just..." Sheppard just shook his head and gave up trying to explain.

"Was it worth it?"

Sheppard looked back up at Beckett. "What?"

"I said, was it worth it?" Sheppard looked carefully at Beckett, but couldn't read his expression.

"Yes...it was worth it."

Beckett nodded. "All right. If it's that important to you, we'll sit down tomorrow and work out a schedule. You'll have to start slow, though. How long did you run today?"

Sheppard was almost too shocked to speak. "Uh..I...uh...about 30 minutes."

"Too long. We'll start you out at about 10 minutes and you can add from there. Come by tomorrow and we'll work it out. Major...I need you to work with me on this." He placed his hand firmly on Sheppard's shoulder. "Son...I know the last few months have been hard on you and I know you're tired of being fussed over...but you've got to let me do my job. I cannot help you if you don't work with me."

Sheppard just nodded, too tired to argue or complain. Beckett gently pushed him back until he was lying down. "Let me give you a quick check and then I want you to rest for a while before you try to get back to your quarters. I'll give you something mild for the pain so you can sleep tonight." Beckett picked up Sheppard's left hand and touched the bruise beginning to color the back of his hand. "What did you do here?"

Sheppard looked at his hand. "Teyla. I talked her into a session of stick fighting this morning."

Beckett made a clucking sound as he shook his head. "Any other bruises or pain?"

Sheppard sighed. "Shoulder." Beckett helped him sit up and pull his shirt part way off. He then poked and prodded the bruising until Sheppard pushed him away.

"It's just a bruise. I'll live."

Beckett grinned. "Okay, Major. You can put your shirt back on." Sheppard put his head and other arm back into his shirt and laid back down. Beckett stood there, still grinning at him. "Teyla does pretty good...for someone who hits like a girl."

Sheppard was flabbergasted. "She told you? She actually told you? I'm surrounded by tattletails."

"Aye. And you best be remembering that the next time you want to sneak somethin' by me."

A few minutes later, Beckett was getting ready to leave when Sheppard put his hand on the doctor's arm. "Doc...do you have a date tonight?"

"Oh...I don't know that I'd call it a date. Dr. Bedford and I are getting together for supper and maybe a walk along the water afterward."

Sheppard looked at him blankly. "Doc...we call that a date."

Beckett nervously ran his hand across his face. "Oh...well...then I guess you could say I have a...date."

Sheppard grinned. "Way to go, Doc. Don't let me keep you."

"All right then. I'll be right back." By the time he returned, Sheppard was dozing and barely stirred as he pulled his sleeve up and injected him with a mild painkiller. Groggy, he opened his eyes a slit. "Thanks, Doc."

"No problem, Major. Dr. Strauhan will be here in a few minutes. I'll instruct him that you are to rest at least an hour before you try to get back to your quarters. We don't want you fallin' on your face in the hallway."

"Kay. Knock her dead, Doc." Sheppard's eyelids slid shut again. Beckett grabbed a blanket and threw over the pilot, knowing full well he'd never make it back to his quarters that night.

"Sorry, Major," he whispered softly. "Looks like you'll be spending the night right here."

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 10

Sheppard opened his eyes to find himself looking at the ceiling of the infirmary. _How in the..._ He rubbed his eyes and looked around to confirm his first interpretation of his location. Sure enough, the sights and sounds of the early morning hours in the infirmary confirmed his analysis. He looked at his hands. No IV. That was good. He sat up and discovered he was lying fully dressed on a bed. No hospital gown or scrubs. Another good sign. He glanced down at the floor to find his shoes neatly sitting beside the base of the bed. He pulled the blanket back and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"So, sleeping beauty has awakened."

Sheppard looked up to find Nick Strauhan grinning at him. "Morning, Doc...hey...I seem to be a little fuzzy...Why am I here?"

Nick sat on the bed across from him and frowned slightly. "You don't remember?"

Sheppard scrubbed his face with his hand, trying to rid himself of the fog his mind seemed to be trapped in. "I think I remember coming in for a check and talking to Beckett...Did he have date?"

Nick smiled. "Yes, I believe he did. You were already asleep when I got here. Carson said you were to rest for an hour, but if you woke up after that, you could go back to your quarters."

Sheppard nodded as the conversation with Beckett began to slowly come back to him. Suddenly he looked up. "He sandbagged me, didn't he?"

"No...no, he didn't. He only gave you a mild painkiller. You were just so tired that it hit you kind of hard. Carson didn't purposely knock you out, but he had a good idea that's what the final outcome might be."

Sheppard sat silently for a minute. "Well...I guess that's okay. At least he didn't stick me in a gown or shove an IV in me."

Nick chuckled. "Don't think you weren't pretty close to that, though. He was a little annoyed with you."

It was Sheppard's turn to grin. "Isn't he always? I can go, right?"

"In a minute. I need to give you a quick check and Carson left some instructions. You are not to run or go on any long walks today. He wants you to rest today and then you can go back to your schedule tomorrow. He said if you still want to start running, come by later and check with him."

Nick slid off the bed and walked over to Sheppard. He then took the Major's pulse, blood pressure, and temperature, as well as checking his eyes with the dreaded penlight. He walked over to a shelf and returned a few seconds later with a small basket. "Need some blood, Major."

Sheppard sighed, obviously not happy with the impending needle prick. "You know, it's a wonder I have any left. What do you guys do with all that blood?"

"Dr. Beckett said he hasn't run your bloodwork in a while and with all that's going on, he thought it'd be a good idea." Sheppard watched as he tied the rubber tubing around his upper arm and then slid the needle onto a vein. He was thankful that Nick hit a vein the first time and didn't have to "search" for one. He was not a big fan of multiple needle sticks, either as an adult or as a child.

Nick finished up and bent Sheppard's arm around the cotton ball he had placed over the small hole. He handed the basket to Kelly, who had come to retrieve it and take it to the lab. Nick turned back to Sheppard, who was taking a finishing swipe at the needle mark in his arm. "How are you really holding up? This has been quite a wild ride for you.."

"I'm good." Nick didn't miss the fact that Sheppard didn't make eye contact.

"Major?"

Sheppard finally looked up at the doctor and Nick couldn't help but think there a look of sadness in his eyes. "I'm okay...I'm just frustrated. I know what I need to do and no one will let me. I can't make anyone understand how important this is. And..." He shook his head.

"What?" Sheppard just continued to stare at the floor. "Major...anything you tell me is in confidence if it needs to be."

"I don't know how to explain it. I'm starting to feel different...and we haven't even progressed very far. I guess...I guess I'm a little afraid...afraid of what I might become. I'm a little afraid of losing myself in all of this." He smiled as he looked up at Nick, but it was a smile devoid of humor. "Kind of silly, huh?"

"I don't think it's silly at all. If you go through with this, it probably will change you. But I suspect you will still be John Sheppard. And I suspect you'll still be giving Carson fits as you completely ignore all his instructions."

Sheppard snorted. "I don't **completely** ignore his instructions...just the ones I don't happen to agree with." Sheppard and Strauhan exchanged a smile. "So...am I good to go?"

"Yeah, you can go. Remember...get some rest." Sheppard gave him a mock salute as he limped out of the infirmary. Nick noted the limp was not nearly as pronounced as Carson had described it being the night before. He added the notation to Sheppard's chart. The twelve hours or so of sleep had apparently done Sheppard some good.

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Sheppard returned to his quarters, stripped, and took a quick shower. He tried to read a little of _War and Peace_, but ended up dozing off, in spite of the sleep he had gotten the night before. Soon, he found himself in the halls of Atlantis, but as it was 10,000 years ago. People nodded to him as he passed and he nodded back, sometimes speaking. He was surprised to find that he knew them. He entered living quarters to find a woman sitting on furniture that resembed a couch, holding a baby of about six months. She rose to meet him, her smile radiating the love that she felt.

"Marchaeus, you are home. Your son has missed you. I have missed you." He slid his arm around the woman's waist and kissed her, a deep sense of love for both the woman and the child radiating through him, almost taking his breath away. He pulled away from the woman and kissed the child on the forehead.

"And how is my little Raefkin? Have you been a good boy for your mother?" He took the child from his mother and took in her beauty, drinking her in with his eyes. "I think she's particularly beautiful today, don't you?"

"Oh, you! You always say the nicest things. You spoil me, Marchaeus. And I that's one reason why I love you so much." She walked over and leaned in close to him. He could fell her soft skin against his arm as he took in the scent of her hair. He could not imagine life without either of them and his love for them filled him completely.

"I love you, Illiana. You and Raefkin are my reason for living. Tell me that we will never be separated." His face was so close to hers that he could feel her breath touch his face and it sent shivers down his spine, the emotion so strong and encompassing.

"Major?" Sheppard sat up suddenly, jerking awake to the sound of the voice. Disoriented, he looked around to find himself in his own quarters, the woman and the baby gone. For a brief instant, a great emptiness filled him and he grieved their loss, not really sure of who he was or where he was. He felt his heart rate and breathing increase in response to the rising sense of panic that seemed to be engulfing him.

"Major, are you okay?" He looked around to see McKay standing beside his bed, his expression a mixture of concern and uncertainty.

"McKay...what are you doing here?" Sheppard wiped a trembling hand across his sweaty brow. McKay watched him carefully.

"You missed lunch. I brought us both a tray...thought I'd give you some company for lunch. Beckett said you were supposed to be resting."

Sheppard got shakily to his feet. "I was Rodney. I was." He pushed past McKay and into the bathroom. He lingered for several minutes after finishing his business, splashing water in his face. When he emerged, he thought McKay would be gone, but he wasn't. He was sitting at the small table, two trays of food before him. "You still here?"

"Yes, I'm still here. That must have been some dream you were having."

"You ever think about knocking?" asked Sheppard as he sat across from McKay and pulled one of the trays closer.

McKay rolled his eyes dramatically. "Hello! I knocked for ten minutes. Have you ever tried to knock on a door while holding two trays of food? Not an easy task, but I somehow managed...you're welcome, by the way. When you refused to answer, I got worried and it wasn't locked so I just opened it. Are you going to eat that fruit cup looking stuff?"

Sheppard sat staring at McKay with his fork in his hand, trying to keep up with the lightning speed of the one way conversation. He looked down at the dish McKay was asking about. "Uh, yeah...I was planning to."

McKay continued, unabashed. "Okay, anyway, I get in here and you're rolling around on the bed talking in Ancient. Who the heck is Illiana?" McKay looked up at Sheppard, noticing the man seemed suddenly pale. "Major? I'm calling Carson."

"No...I'm okay...it was just a really strange dream." Sheppard got up and paced around the small room, running a shaky hand through his hair. "That was just the most...real dream I've ever had. It was like I was actually there. I can still feel her and the baby...I can still smell them."

"Wait...what baby? Who are we talking about here?" McKay seemed intrigued now.

Sheppard sat back down at the table and faced McKay. "It's like I WAS this Ancient named Marchaeus...I walked down the halls of Atlantis and I knew the people I was seeing. I knew their names...their families...their jobs. Then I went to my quarters...or, rather Marchaeus's quarters...and there was his wife and son...Illiana and Raefkin. I touched them, I held them...and it was so real. I...or rather he...loved them so much it almost hurt. And danged if I can't still feel it. I have this...ache...to see them and hold them. It's like...they were my wife and child...and I've lost them." Sheppard stood up and began pacing again, the food on the table long forgotten. "I know this doesn't make any sense...but I can feel it."

McKay sat, deep in thought for a moment. "You know, this might have something to do with your connection to Atlantis. Maybe you're tapping into some kind of...I don't know...database or home video system or something...but you're tapping into it on a very personal level because of your genes and your connection to the city. Let me do some research and see what I can come up with. What was this guy's name?"

"Marchaeus. You really think you might find something? If you find something on this guy in Atlantis's database, then maybe that means I'm not losing my mind."

"Lets eat and then I'll go see what I can find."

Sheppard had resumed pacing nervously. "I'm not hungry right now."

"Major." Sheppard looked over to find a stern expression of warning on McKay's face. No words were necessary.

"Oh, all right." Sheppard sat down as McKay nodded in victory.

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Twenty-four hours later, Sheppard turned down a corridor about halfway between the inhabited part of the city and the balcony over the southwest pier. He had been on his way to the balcony, when he suddenly felt a strong impulse to turn down this particular hallway. He went through several corridors, both knowing where he was going and not knowing at the same time. He was inexplicably drawn to the door he had now reached. He stood in front of the door, staring at it, almost afraid to open it. In the back of his mind, he knew what he would find.

He opened the door and stepped into living quarters, the same living quarters he had seen in his dream. The furniture was still here, covered and dusty. He pulled the cover off the couch...the exact same couch that had been in his dream. He half expected Illiana to walk through the door. A wave of dizziness and grief suddenly assaulted him, knocking him to his knees. He leaned his head against the couch, bracing himself against the spinning room and the overwhelming sadness that threatened to engulf him. He began to flash back and forth between the past and the present. Illiana and Raefkin were there and then they weren't. He wasn't sure how long he remained there, but a voice calling on his radio brought him back to the present.

"Major Sheppard, please respond!" Elizabeth's voice was bordering on frantic.

"This is Sheppard." He hoped his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt.

"John...are you all right? Where are you?"

"I'm okay. Just out for a walk." He continued to sit in the floor, his eyes closed.

"Why didn't you answer your radio? Are you sure you're okay?"

"Sorry...I got separated from my radio for a minute. I'm okay. I'm about to head back."

There was a few moments of silence. "When you get back, you need to report to the infirmary. Dr. Beckett wants to see you."

"Elizabeth...this isn't necessary." Sheppard was tempted not to go back. He briefly wondered how long it would take them to find him.

"John, Carson has the results of your bloodwork. And besides...we've been trying to reach you for almost thirty minutes."

Thirty minutes. Sheppard was in shock. He'd been sitting there...what...in a stupor? In a trance? For thirty minutes. He slowly got to his feet, leaning heavily against the furniture for support. "Okay, Elizabeth...I'm on my way." He looked around the quarters, noting a door on the far side. He made his way to it, his vision still randomly switching between now and then. He entered the room, now seeing it as if it were 10,000 years ago. Something resembling a crib sat on the far side of the room. He could hear a baby stirring, fussing, moving around in the small bed. When he was standing beside the crib, he reached out to touch the baby's arm. The dark-haired child looked up at him and cooed, kicking his feet out and squirming. Sheppard/Marchaeus picked the baby up and held him close to his chest, softly nuzzling the child's face against his.

"Daddy loves you," he said softly.

"Major!" He was standing alone in the dusty, dark, abandoned nursery. a cover still thrown over the crib. His heart lurched at the feel of his empty arms. "Major, this is Dr. Beckett. How far away are you?"

Sheppard stood for a moment, too unsteady to answer. "Major Sheppard, if you don't answer, I'll be forced to send a medical team after you."

"I'm here, Doc. Give me about thirty minutes," Sheppard said tiredly. He had no idea what was going on, but it was wearing him out.

"All right, Major. But you'd better be here in thirty minutes."

Sheppard leaned against the crib. "Atlantis...what the heck is going on?" he asked softly.

Atlantis, suddenly there beside him, put her hand on top of his as he leaned heavily against the rail of the small bed. "Your heritage has found you."

Sheppard looked at her, confusion on his face and in his voice. "What does that mean? I'm tired, confused, and I have a wallbanger of a headache. I can't play the guessing game right now."

Atlantis smiled. "I'm surprised you have not guessed. Marchaeus is your ancestor. You are of his direct lineage...That is why the gene is strong in you. The city is showing you your history. Marchaeus left this as his gift to his children who would return to the city someday. You are that child."

Sheppard shook his head. "This...this is just strange. I've got to get back before Beckett comes after me." He turned and walked to the door of the quarters, briefly pausing to look back. Before he closed the door, he saw Illiana standing there, holding Raefkin and smiling at him.

He walked for almost ten minutes before it started again. Then the hallway began to flash between the present and the time of the Ancients. He was John and then he was Marchaeus. The switching back and forth was making him dizzy and his head felt as though it might explode at any minute.

"Major? Major, can you hear me?" He looked up at Teyla, feeling her hand on his shoulder. He looked around to find himself sitting in a hallway with his back to the wall.

"Teyla?" He rubbed his eyes with his hand, confusion beginning to give way to panic. How long had he been here?

"It's all right, Major. I have contacted Dr. Beckett and he is on his way with a medical team. Just remain still. I will stay with you."

"No...I don't need Beckett..." He began trying to get up. Then he found himself sitting across a table from an older man he knew to be his father. They were drinking something that resembed a strong, hot tea and the older man was speaking to him.

"Jaernae wants to offer you as a member of the council. Taeish thinks you are still too young. And you are young, Marchaeus...but you have gained much wisdom through your defense of Atlantis against the wraith. You have seen and been through much, my son. I believe you will be made a member of the council."

He could feel the uncertainty within him. "Father, are you sure I am worthy? Perhaps I am better at defending the city than I am at making high decisions. I am not sure I am ready."

The older man stood and walked over to him, placing a strong hand on his shoulder. "You are ready, my son. It is time you took your place at the council table with your father. You will still be able to attend to your military duties." He smiled knowingly. "I would not take flying away from you. You were most certainly born to it."

Sheppard opened his eyes and looked up into the face of Carson Beckett. But he didn't recognize Beckett and he wasn't sure where he was. He began fighting against the strange people holding him down on the table. He looked around frantically for any sign of Illiana or the baby. Not seeing them, he began begging the people to tell him where they were and if they were safe. But the people just looked at him like they couldn't understand him. They yelled out things in their own language that he didn't understand and that only served to panic him more, causing him to increase his struggling. Why wouldn't they let him go? What did they want?

When Beckett and the medical team had arrived at Teyla and Sheppard's location, the pilot had been unconscious. His vitals were stable, so they had loaded him on the gurney and taken him straight to the infirmary. Shortly after arriving, Sheppard had woken up and began fighting against them. Beckett didn't know if he was more disturbed by the fact that Sheppard didn't seem to know them or by the strange language he was speaking. He was about to have someone call McKay or Weir, when Rodney came rushing in.

"Rodney! Get over here and tell me what he's saying."

McKay looked more and more dismayed as he got closer to Sheppard, still fighting against the doctors and nurses trying to help him. He listened for a minute and then moved in beside Sheppard, jostling one of the nurses aside. He began to speak to Sheppard. After a few seconds, Sheppard stopped fighting and seemed to focus on what McKay was saying. They spoke back and forth a few times before he finally lay back and relaxed. The nurse was finally able to start an IV and Sheppard passed out a few seconds later.

Beckett was breathing heavily. "What was that? What was he saying?"

McKay looked shellshocked. "He thought he was Marchaeus. He was looking for his wife and child and...he had no idea who any of were. But then, as Marchaeus he wouldn't. How is this happening?"

"Rodney...who is Marchaeus? And why does Major Sheppard think he's this Marchaeus instead of himself? And what did you tell him to calm him down?"

McKay relayed what had happened the day before and what Sheppard had told him about Marchaeus. "I told him that Illiana and Raefkin were safe and worried about him. I said he was sick and you were just trying to help him."

"Aye, he's that. He's runnin' a fever. But it shouldn't be enough to cause all this."

McKay agreed. "No...there's more going on here than just a fever. I think Atlantis is in on this somehow. Is he going to be okay?"

Beckett looked down at Sheppard, pale and sweating from the fever. "I'll do my best, Rodney, but I have no idea what we're dealing with. And until I do, there's not much I can do outside of treatin' the symptoms."

Beckett sighed heavily as he tried to decide what course of treatment to pursue. He hated feeling helpless and John Sheppard had developed quite a skill at making him feel just that - totally helpless.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 11

For the next several hours, John Sheppard walked the halls of Atlantis as Marchaeus. He spent time with Illiana and Raefkin as a loving husband and father. He attended meetings with other military personnel and the council. He sat in the weapons chair, firing drones at wraith darts flying above the city. He helped his best friend celebrate the birth of his daughter. He flew puddle jumpers on expeditions and in fights against the wraith. He felt the same absolute sense of joy and freedom in Marchaeus that he always felt when he flew. He lived and learned about the life of Marchaeus.

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Elizabeth walked into the infirmary and immediately began looking around for Dr. Beckett. Although she didn't see the doctor, she did see Sheppard lying in one of the beds. Since that was who she was here to check on, she walked over to stand beside him. He stirred restlessly, mumbling in Ancient as he tossed. She noticed a basin of water with a cloth in it sitting on the bedside table. She squeezed the excess water from the cloth and wiped it across Sheppard's sweat-covered brow, feeling the heat radiate from his flushed face. He opened his eyes and looked at her, but they were glassy and unseeing.

"John? It's okay...you're going to be fine." She smoothed his hair back off his damp forehead. He brought his hand up and caressed the side of her face as he spoke to her in Ancient.

"Illiana...don't leave...I love you." He slid his hand around behind her head and brought her face down to his, rising up to meet her lips with his. She didn't know if it was the heat radiating from his fevered body or the passion with which he took her mouth in his, but she didn't ever remember being kissed like that in her life. When he finally released her and drifted back into sleep, she stumbled back a step, her legs suddenly feeling a lot like jello. She brought her hand up to her mouth and touched her lips, unsure of what to do or how to react. She had spoken to Rodney, so she knew without doubt that what had just occurred was between Marchaeus and Illiana, not John and Elizabeth...and yet she couldn't stop thinking about how it felt...about how he felt. She quickly turned and almost ran from the infirmary, suddenly not wanting to have to talk to Carson or anyone else.

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He went through the gate with a team to repair a shield the Ancients had placed on a planet to protect the villages there. His team was at the edge of the city protecting the scientists working on the shield when the wraith attacked. They fought hard and eventually got the shield up in time to protect the villages, but Marchaeus lost two men in the process. He had been the military leader of the expedition and, as such, accepted full responsibility for the loss of the men. Upon their return to the city, he visited the families to tell them of their loss. He sat with them and grieved with them, while telling them that their son, father, husband... had died so that hundreds of others could be safe from the wraith. He then made his way to his quarters and allowed Illiana to hold him while he cried. She kissed away the last of his tears as he took her in his arms, needing her close to wipe the horrors of the day from his mind. He lost himself in her touch as she comforted him in a way no one else could.

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Sheppard looked up at the ceiling of the infirmary. The room was dark and quiet, so he knew it was late. He lay for several minutes, adjusting to his surroundings, letting the wave of emotions he had been riding subside somewhat. He began to shift positions,rustling the covers and causing him to feel the familiar tug of the IV in his hand. He glanced over to see McKay sitting in the chair beside his bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes while balancing a laptop on his legs.

"Hey," said Sheppard softly.

"Are you...you?" asked McKay carefully.

"Yeah...I'm me...for a few minutes anyway. What time is it?"

McKay started to get up. "About 2:30. I'll go get Carson. He'll want to..."

"No...Don't go McKay. It's not finished yet, so I won't be here long. I think this is...intermission."

McKay relaxed back into the seat, not sure of how to react to the fact that Sheppard was going away again and knew it. "You're running a fever."

Sheppard nodded. "I know. It'll pass...just part of it. Tell everyone I'll be okay...I just have to do this."

McKay nodded back. "Hey, I found Marchaeus in the database. He lived here just before they abandoned the city and sank it. According to the records his wife was Illiana and he had a son named Raefkin...just like you said. He was one of the top military guys from what I can gather. His father was retired military and sat on the high council."

Sheppard smiled. "Sounds like someone's been doing his homework. Have you figured out his connection to me yet?"

"I'm guessing you're a decendant?"

"Yes, the good Dr. McKay wins again. According to Atlantis, I'm a direct descendant...although how direct it can be after 10.000 years is the question of the hour."

McKay grinned his famous 'I know something you don't' grin. "Well, I'd say pretty direct. I have a surprise." Sheppard's eyebrows shot up, just the reaction McKay had been hoping for. "I found a depository of images. Would you like to see a picture of Marchaeus and his family?"

Sheppard almost came off the bed. McKay hit a couple of buttons on the computer keyboard and then turned it so that Sheppard could see the screen. There was a photo of Illiana in a long dress, her long dark hair cascading over her shoulders as she held a baby with a tuft of dark hair. Beside her was a man in a military uniform, his hat in his hand, dark hair with a slight flip over the top of his forehead. Neither man missed the strong resemblence to Sheppard. The hair lay a little flatter, the jaw a little more square, but the bright, mischievous eyes and the slighly lopsided grin were there. If they had stood side by side, anyone would have assumed the two men were brothers. Sheppard couldn't stop staring at the picture, images of Illiana and the baby flashing through his mind. McKay finally turned the computer back around.

"Well, what do you think?"

Sheppard just leaned his head back into the pillow as the room began to spin. "Oh crap," me said softly as he closed his eyes and slipped back into darkness.

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And then he was Marchaeus again. He attended the meetings where it was decided that they could not win against the wraith. For every ship they destroyed, there seemed to be two more to take it's place. There were simply too many of them and they were getting stronger. The decision was made to abandon the city for a planet in a far away galaxy...one that hopefully the wraith would not be able to find. It broke his heart to think of leaving the city, but he knew there was no other way. It was their only hope of saving her for future generations.

He stood in the crowded gateroom with Illiana and Raefkin. The city was being evacuated in sectors and it was their sector that was to leave next. But he would not be leaving with his wife and child. He would stay behind as part of the small crew responsible for securing the city and sinking it. It was time to say goodbye and he was having a hard time doing it.

He kissed Raefkin on the top of the head. "You be good and take care of your mother. I will join you both shortly...as soon as we are sure the city will be safe." He turned to Illiana and wiped the tears from her face. "Do not cry...Cerante will watch over you until I am able to join you."

"Please Marchaeus...promise me that you will come. Promise me." She looked desperately into his eyes and he could feel her fear. He knew he shouldn't make promises he wasn't sure he could keep, but he needed her to go and be safe.

"I promise, Illiana. I will come back to you. I love you...always remember that." He put his arm around her waist and pulled her up to him, kissing her for perhaps the last time. "Now go and be safe." He walked with her to the edge of the gate and then watched as she and Raefkin went through the event horizon, unable to shake the feeling that that would be the last time he saw them.

Next Marchaeus was in a control room. He had what appeared to be headphones on. Slipping them off, he pushed some of the panels on the console and then sat there, lost in thought. He finally stood. "That is for my son...or my son's son...or for any of my descendants that shall return to Atlantis. This is how you will know me...and how you will know Atlantis. This is so that you may see her greatness and love her as I love her...and restore her once again."

Atlantis, in the familiar form of a woman, appeared beside Marchaeus. "When he comes, I will be sure that he sees this...and that he knows of you and your family. He will know of his proud heritage so that he can stand tall and do honor to your name."

Marchaeus smiled. "Thank you. You have served the city and it's people well. My family and many others are forever in your debt. I must put you to sleep now and we must go. The wraith are coming and we will not let them have you. But you will be awakened again one day."

Atlantis smiled and bowed her head. "Good will to you and your family, Marchaeus." Her form dissolved into nothing and Marchaeus pushed one final panel on the console, causing the lights to go dim.

"Goodbye, Atlantis," he whispered sadly as he left the room. He tapped into his radio. "Atlantis is shut down. I'm on my way to the gateroom."

"Marchaeus, we have problem. Before the city was sufficiently under water, two wraith beamed in. We will have to get rid of them before we can leave. One of them is in your sector."

"I'm on it," replied Marchaeus. He drew his weapon and peered around the corner. Seeing nothing, he began to inch forward. As he slid down the hall, he heard screams from the next corridor. Running to the source of the cries, he rounded the corner to see a wraith feeding on one of his men. From his vantage point, he couldn't tell how much damage the wraith had inflicted and he couldn't shoot it without shooting his man, so he tackled the two figures. As he recovered and scrambled to his feet, he glanced over at the soldier he had tried to save, only to find him already dead. The impact had knocked his gun out of his hand, so his next order of business was to retrieve his weapon. Just as he reached for it, the wraith hit him, sending him flying across the corridor and into the wall. He slid to the floor, the breath knocked out of him. He got to his feet and tried to make a run for the gun, but the wraith picked him up by the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall.

"I will feed on you and then I will hunt down the people of Atlantis so that we may feed on all of them." The wraith shoved him to the floor with one hand and then rammed the other one into Marchaeus's chest. Blinding pain. somehow both burning hot and freezing cold at the same time shot through him like lightning. He screamed with an agony that was much worse than anything he could have imagined. Every nerve in his body fired mercilessly in protest against the life that was being sucked out of him. Even through the pain, he knew he had to protect Illiana and Raefkin and his hand searched for a way to end the threat. Just before the last of his life force was taken, his hand closed around the gun of the fallen soldier he had tried to save and he emptied the weapon into the face of the wraith, His last thought was that Illiana and Raefkin would now be safe.

---------------------------------------------------

It was mid-morning and McKay was packing up his computer to head to the lab and work. He had just stood up and stretched when he noticed Sheppard seemed to be getting more restless. Movement coming up behind him caught his attention and he turned toward it, expecting it to be Beckett. Elizabeth, Ford, and Teyla walked up to stand beside him.

"How is he?" asked Elizabeth.

"I don't know...he's starting to get pretty restless. I was just thinking about getting Carson."

Sheppard suddenly let out a blood-curling scream and began gasping for air. He grabbed at his chest with one hand and gripped the bedrail with the other as he rose off the bed in an effort to get oxygen into his lungs. Beckett arrived with other medical personnel and surrounded Sheppard's bed. A nurse slapped an oxygen mask on Sheppard while Beckett went to work with the stethoscope. Sheppard began fighting them, pushing their hands away as he struggled. More people showed up to help hold him down so they could keep the oxygen mask held firm on his face and keep him from pulling his IV. After a few moments, Sheppard shook convulsively and arched his back up off the bed, moaning loudly. When he relaxed, limp against the bed, Beckett yelled, "Respiratory arrest...bag him."

The next thing the Major's team knew, a nurse had a mask with a balloon like apparatus on the side over Sheppard's face. The nurse was squeezing the bag, pushing air into Sheppard's lungs, just as they had done in the jumper when trying to revive him after the bug attack. McKay felt the icy cold grip of fear as he watched them work over the Major, trying to get him to breathe. What seemed like a long time later, Beckett straightened and seemed to relax some. "Okay...good breath sounds. Let's go ahead and put him on oxygen though." The nurse replaced the oxygen mask of a few minutes before and pulled the strap around Sheppard's head, securing it.

Sheppard's hand still gripped the hospital gown where he had grabbed at his chest. Beckett began to uncurl his fingers in an attempt to release his grip. As he moved Sheppard's hand, they all saw a spreading spot of blood on the gown.

"Carson...what is that?" asked Elizabeth.

"I don't know," he replied as he loosened the ties on the bloody gown and pulled it forward and off the Major's shoulders. Everyone there gasped in unison at the sight of what appeared to be a red wraith handprint almost burned into Sheppard's chest. In the middle was a small abrasion, slowly oozing blood. The room was completely silent as the medical personnel, as well as the members of Sheppard's team, tried in vain to figure out what had happened.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 12

As soon as the shock wore off, Beckett went to work cleaning and bandaging the wound on Sheppard's chest. A nurse then helped him get a clean gown on the Major. After checking Sheppard's vital signs one more time, as well as the oxygen mask and IV line, he turned to the nurse.

"Let's go ahead and get the heart monitor on him, just as a precaution. If he starts having problems with his heart rate, I want to know sooner rather than later."

The nurse nodded. "Yes, Doctor." She immediately left to follow his instructions. Beckett joined the team standing at the foot of Sheppard's bed.

"He's stable, for now."

McKay's face looked slightly panicked. "Carson...what was that? I've been with him since last night and there haven't been any wraith in here. That looked like a wraith handprint...and the blood...it looks like it fed. Oh God! Did one feed on him? Has he lost any of his life?"

"Calm down, Rodney. I think someone would have noticed a wraith in the infirmary. I don't know what happened, but I doubt he's lost any years off his life. The damage seems to be superficial. I think this is something else...Maybe he can tell us more when he wakes up."

Teyla looked worriedly from Sheppard to Beckett. "The Major will be all right though?"

Beckett sighed. "I wish I could just say yes, but the truth is...I don't know. He's stable...but that's all I can say for sure. I don't see anythin' that would keep him from recoverin', but with all I've seen since comin' to Atlantis, ...I hate to say anything for sure."

McKay frowned. "Carson, you're supposed to be a doctor. You're supposed to be able to tell us what's wrong with him and if he's going to be okay. Can't you make a guess - that's what being a witchdoctor is all about, isn't it? Making a guess and occasionally getting lucky."

"Rodney!" warned Elizabeth, her eyes beginning to flash anger. "You know Carson's doing everything he can."

Beckett was trying to tell himself that McKay was just acting out his concern for Sheppard, but he still found himself becoming agitated. "Rodney, exactly where on earth was I to get trainin' for somethin' like this? What medical school was going to prepare me for things like wraith attacks and stunners, machines that zap your mind back to that of a six-year old, giant bugs that suck the life out of you, or the problems that arise when you download information from an Ancient database directly into your brain? I'm sorry if you think the medical department is not wingin' it as well as the physics department, but we're doing the best we can...and I will continue to try my best to make Major Sheppard better. I'm sorry...but that's all I can do."

Teyla stepped into her customary role as peacemaker. "I am sure that Dr. McKay did not mean to sound unpleasant. I believe that he is just worried about the Major."

"We know you're doing everything you can for the Major," said Ford. "You've saved him plenty of times from other things. He'll be okay...he's the Major...he always bounces back."

McKay sighed loudly. "Carson...you know I didn't mean anything...just...help him."

"Aye...I will."

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Sheppard woke to the all too familiar sound of the heart monitor. He was pleased that his headache finally seemed to be gone, but dismayed to find he felt extremely tired and weak. He slowly managed to pull his eyes open and looked out at the blurry world. He lay still for a minute, blinking against the light. After a few seconds, the lights seemed to dim and he found it easier to keep his eyes open and focus on the infirmary around him. He was lying on his side, staring at the far wall. Upon taking inventory, he discovered that, besides the heart monitor and ever present IV, he was also hooked up to nasal cannula and a catheter. With all the wires and tubes, he was almost afraid to move, but he really wanted to roll over on his back. As he struggled against the weakness and lethargy and began to try to twist around, hands were suddenly there helping him adjust the covers and keep him from getting tangled in them. As he turned on his back, he saw Carson Beckett smiling above him.

"Let me help you with that, lad." When Sheppard was finally on his back, Beckett raised the head of the bed so that he was sitting. Sheppard pressed his hand to his chest, uneasy about the pain the movement had stirred up. Through the hospital gown he felt the bandage. He suddenly had a mental image of a wraith feeding on him and he remembered vividly the blinding pain that had accompanied it. With a sharp intake of breath, he tried to sit up, fear evident on his features. Beckett and Elizabeth, who had appeared on the other side of the bed, gently pushed him back against the thin mattress.

"It's all right, Major. You're safe." cooed Beckett, trying to ease Sheppard's anxiety.

"Wraith," he croaked, his voice so weak and unsteady that he wasn't sure they had heard.

"It wasn't real, son. Now lay back and relax." Beckett offered Sheppard a sip of water, which he gratefully accepted. After swallowing the water, he cleared his throat, hoping his next attempt at speaking was a little more successful.

"Glad to see you awake." Sheppard noticed McKay at the foot of the bed. He really must be out of it to miss the entrance of all these people.

"Thanks...how long have I been out?"

"They brought you in three days ago, John," answered Elizabeth. "The first 19 or 20 hours, you seemed to be dreaming about being Marchaeus. Then...you had some kind of episode."

Sheppard frowned as Beckett took over. "You went into respiratory arrest on us lad. It took a few minutes for us to get you breathing again. After that...well, you've been asleep for the past two days. How do you feel? Are you in any pain?"

"Mostly just tired...I feel drained...no pun intended. Chest hurts a little."

"Do you remember what happened?" asked Beckett as he checked lines and tubes to make sure they had not been moved out of place with Sheppard's change of position.

Sheppard closed his eyes a minute, obviously thinking. In a moment, he jerked slightly and clutched his chest with his hand. His heart rate began to increase on the beeping monitor. "Yeah...I remember...I remember all of it."

Beckett placed a hand on Sheppard's arm. "I need you to calm down, son. You're okay."

Sheppard nodded and seemed to be trying to gain control. In the wake of the calming fear, he felt an almost smothering sense of grief and sadness at the loss of Illiana and Raefkin. His mind was flooded with the realization that Marchaeus never saw his wife and son again...he wasn't there to watch his child grow up. Illiana and Raefkin had to survive in a new galaxy without him. The sense of lonliness and grief almost took his breath away.

"John? Are you okay? We can do this later if you like." He looked over at Elizabeth as he felt a single tear stream down one cheek. He quickly wiped it away.

"No...I'm okay. We can do this now. I'm too wired to go back to sleep." He took a deep breath and told them about living the life of Marchaeus. He told them about parts of his family life, as well as his military life. He left out the more personal moments with Illiana, but still managed to convey something of the man's love for his family. He told them about the evacuation of the city, about Marchaeus leaving a record for his descendants, and about his death at the hands of a wraith as they sank the city. It was several minutes before anyone spoke, everyone now aware that Sheppard had basically lived through being killed by a wraith.

Sheppard was suddenly aware of Elizabeth squeezing his arm. "John...we had no idea. No wonder your body went into shock." She looked over at Beckett. "Carson...that still doesn't explain the handprint on his chest."

"What handprint?" asked Sheppard, toying with the bandage through his hospital gown.

Beckett gently pulled his hand away from the wound. "Well, maybe it does. The reason I had called Major Sheppard here in the first place was to talk to him about his bloodwork. When all of this first started, there was a tiny amount of a strange protein in his blood. The bloodwork we ran after his encounter with the chair showed higher amounts of the protein. The blood Nick drew the other day showed an even greater increase. I was calling the Major in to tell him that I suspected his continuing interaction with the city had activated one or more of his Ancient genes so that it was causing his body to produce this protein. That's what DNA does after all, it controls protein production. The levels are even higher now. I suspect the more he interacts with the city, the more of this protein is produced and the more of the protein that is produced, the more he is able to interact with the city. His levels are pretty high right now."

McKay frowned. "That may explain how he was able to interact with the city in order to access Marchaeus's records, but how does that explain the handprint?"

"You are aware that if a person is convinced in his mind that he is sick, that he can actually develop physical symptoms and become sick. I think the fact that Major Sheppard was essentially living what happened to Marchaeus combined with his connection to the city has somehow resulted in the Major's injury."

"Oh, hogwash. That sounds like some of your voodoo magic, Carson. That's not possible." To say that McKay was skeptical of Beckett's explanation was an understatement.

Sheppard shifted uncomfortably under the blanket. "I don't know, McKay...It somehow makes sense. I mean...this wasn't just a dream. I was there. I could feel it, taste it, smell it. It was like I WAS Marchaeus and I was really there." Sheppard shuddered at the memory of dying under the hand of the wraith. "I...I felt myself die," he said quietly, closing his eyes and grimacing as he remembered the agony of having his life sucked away.

"Major?" asked Beckett, concerned about the increase in his patient's breathing and pulse.

"I'm good," whispered Sheppard, not sure if he was trying to convince Beckett or himself.

"I think the Major's had enough for right now. Let's let him get some rest."

"Wait a minute, Carson...You didn't ask him about the lights yet," whined McKay.

Sheppard furrowed his brow in confusion. "The lights?"

Beckett sighed. "The reason we came to check on you when we did is because all the lights on this side of the infirmary dimmed inexplicably. Rodney thought you did it because you woke up and they were too bright. And...you have been playing with the lights lately."

Sheppard thought a minute. "You know, I do remember thinking the lights were too bright when I first woke up...and then it seemed like they dimmed. Maybe I did do it. Sorry."

"No problem, Major. But I would appreciate it if you'd turn the ones over by the nurse's station back up. They're having a little trouble seeing over there."

"Sure thing, Doc." He thought about the lights and was rewarded with a "Thank you," coming from the direction of the nurse's desk. Sheppard smiled sheepishly. "Guess I'll have to pay more attention to what I'm thinking."

"Aye. Now get some rest, Major." He patted Sheppard on the shoulder and began ushering everyone else out. He returned a few moments later to see if Sheppard needed anything, but the Major was already asleep. He stood and watched the sleeping man for several mintues, satisfying himself that he was okay before he turned and left.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Sheppard next opened his eyes, he didn't feel nearly as drained as he had before. He was also pleased to note that the nasal cannula and heart monitor had been removed. Now he just had to work on getting rid of the IV and catheter. He lay for a moment, just staring at the ceiling, letting himself tune in to his surroundings. Someone was in the chair next to the bed. He let his head fall to the left to see Elizabeth sitting there watching him.

"Hey! I thought it looked like you were waking up."

"Hey, back." He was surprised at how rough his voice was and at how dry his throat seemed. "Water?"

Elizabeth poured a cup of water and brought the straw to his lips. He barely got a couple of sips when she removed it. "Not too much until Carson okays it," she explained. He wanted more, but not enough to expend energy arguing about it. The little he had received had helped.

"How long this time?"

"It's been two more days since we talked to you about what happened. You've been in and out...mostly out."

"Two days?" He was surpised it had been so long. That meant he had pretty much slept away the five days. Time was really starting to get away from him.

Elizabeth noticed how disturbed he seemed. "Carson says you needed the rest. You woke up for a few minutes a couple of times...do you remember?"

Sheppard shook his head. "The last thing I remember is telling you guys about me seeing Marchaeus's life and death...I don't remember anything after that."

"I'm sure it's okay...you were exhausted. How do you feel now?"

"Better, actually. I'm still a little tired, but nearly as much as before."

And she thought to herself that he did look better. His color was better and his expression not so pained. "John...can I ask you something? I was wondering if you could tell me more about...Illiana?" She was curious to know more about her after the way John had kissed her. But his expression suddenly darkened and his brow furrowed in distress.

"I...Elizabeth...I can't...not right now...Maybe later, but not...now." He turned away from her, making her sorry she had brought it up. She reached and and lay her hand on his.

"I'm sorry, John. I didn't mean to upset you...I was just curious. You...his death really hit you hard, didn't it?"

Sheppard gave her hand a squeeze and turned his face toward her. "Yeah...it's like..." He looked up at the ceiling with a far away gaze, as if trying to find the words. "It's like losing...a brother...and a friend...and a part of myself...all at once. I can't bear to think of him...never seeing Illiana and Raefkin again. Elizabeth..." He looked at her with such intense grief that she felt herself shiver from the sheer power of it. "...he loved her so much and I...I can feel it almost like it was me. It's having the thing you love and live for taken away from you..." He shook his head and leaned back into the pillow, staring up at the ceiling again.

She tightened her grip on his hand. "It's okay, John. You don't have to explain. I...I shouldn't have asked."

He turned to look at her, concern in his eyes. "Why did you ask? Did I...say something...or do something?"

She smiled and patted his arm. "No, nothing like that...just being...nosy."

He seemed to accept her answer and relax. "Elizabeth...you know by now that I have to continue the training. This is bigger than me...it's important to all of Atlantis. You have to let me finish."

She sat looking at the floor. "John..."

"If you tell me no, I'll find a way to do it anyway. I don't mean that to be disrespectful...I don't think I have much control over it at this point. I need Atlantis and Atlantis needs me. I **have** to continue." His expression was almost one of desperation.

"I know...I don't guess either of us has much of a choice. But this will be after Carson clears you and on my terms." She gripped his hand firmly and gave him her very best I-mean-it expression.

Sheppard nodded willingly. "That's fine. I can live with that...as long as I don't have to fight you about doing it."

"Fight about doin' what?" asked Beckett, walking up to the side of the bed opposite where Elizabeth sat.

"He wants to continue the training sessions when he's released."

Beckett frowned. "I don't think that's a good idea, Major. You've been through a lot lately and I'm not sure how much more your body can take. Frankly, I'm not sure how much more I can take."

Doc...I HAVE to do this. I can't explain it...but I know I have to do this."

"Carson, I was just telling him that if we allowed him to continue it would be after you had cleared him and under my conditions, one of which is that you are there with a full medical team."

Beckett continued to look unhappy. "Well...let's work on getting you on your feet before we go planning anythin' else. Elizabeth, I need to check his dressing if you would excuse us."

Elizabeth got up. "Of course. John, I'll check on you later." She patted his arm and smiled reassuringly as she left.

As Beckett untied Sheppard's gown and pulled it down off his shoulders, a nurse with a tray appeared at his side. John winced as they pulled the bandage off, taking a healthy amount of chest hair with it.

"Jeez, Doc. Could we not put anything back on? I'll be bare-chested before you guys are done with me." He noticed the nurse smile as she tried to maintain her professional demeanor.

Beckett looked pleased. "You're healing nicely, Major." The angry red handprint of several days ago had faded to a slightly reddened splotch surrounding the scabbed over, but healing abrasion. "I think we can dispense with the dressing."

"Thank you! Hey, what are the chances of getting rid of..." He paused as he glanced nervously at the nurse. "...all these tubes and things and taking a shower?"

Beckett considered the question for a moment before answering. "If you can stay awake for a while and manage to eat a little something, I'll consider unhooking everythin' and seeing if you can stay on your feet long enough for a shower. If you manage that, I'll even let you have some scrubs." Beckett couldn't help but smile at the look of elation on the Major's face. He turned to the nurse. "Why don't you see about getting Major Sheppard a bowl of soup?" She nodded and left them alone.

"We need to start you out slowly on the food. You haven't had anything to eat in several days."

Sheppard nodded, having been in this particular situation a few times before. "That's okay, Doc. I'm not real hungry anyway. A bowl of soup sounds pretty good."

"Good," Beckett said as he pulled the hospital gown back up on Sheppard's shoulders and tied it behind his neck. "And Major...you don't need to be shy in front of Marcy. She's a well-trained nurse and very professional. She's not going to giggle if you ask about removing the catheter in front of her. As a matter of fact...I think she's the one that put it in."

Sheppard blushed and closed his eyes. "Way too much information, Doc. Way too much information. Look...I know in the back of my mind that everyone in this infirmary has seen all of my outside parts and most of my inside parts. The trick is keeping that in the BACK of my mind. That means not thinking about it or talking about it. I like to delude myself into thinking my private parts are private whenever humanly possible."

Beckett grinned. "Duly noted, Major. I'll try to keep that in mind. And you keep what I said in mind when I send Marcy to remove the catheter in a bit...unless you'd rather be keepin' it."

"No...Like I said, I delude myself when possible...and I'm well aware that sometimes it's not possible."

Beckett smiled and patted his arm. "Aye...it's not so bad, lad. You'll feel better after you eat and get cleaned up."

Sheppard nodded as Beckett turned and walked across the infirmary. He would never cease to be amazed at how miliary men could go nose to nose with the likes of the wraith or the Genii, facing almost certain death without flinching, and yet almost faint in embarrassment at the thought of a nurse seeing them unclothed while tending to their medical needs. For a bunch of tough guys, they could sure be a bunch of wusses.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

I'm sorry for the delay in posting - a combination of lots of family, busy, and getting side-tracked. This chapter moves kind of slow. I'm filling in gaps and setting the stage for later events, so please be patient.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 13

"Rodney?" Rodney McKay turned around to see Sheppard standing in the doorway to his lab. McKay noticed a weariness to the pilot's face that spoke volumes about the toll the events of the past few weeks had taken on the man.

"Are you released or escaped?" asked McKay, wondering if he should call Beckett.

"I"m released...as of twenty minutes ago. I wondered...could I borrow you for a few minutes?" Sheppard asked hesitantly.

"Major, I'm actually working right now. Some of us have more to do than lie around the infirmary recuperating from our latest disaster, you know. Maybe later. Besides, I'm betting Carson told you to rest in your quarters, which you are most decidedly not doing." McKay tossed off the snide remarks in his usual fashion and Sheppard's expression remained neutral through it all.

"No problem, McKay. I'll take care of it by myself. Sorry to have bothered you." Sheppard's reply was delivered calmly, without any sign of anger or sarcasm, sending warning bells screaming in Rodney's head. He had no idea what Sheppard was about to do, but it was obvious that McKay needed to be there for him.

"Wait...I'm actually kind of ready for a break." McKay stood up and closed his laptop. "I'm in. What did you have in mind?"

Sheppard smiled and the relief on his face reassured McKay that he had made the right decision. "Something cool, McKay. Come on and I'll show you."

Twenty minutes later at the far end of Atlantis, Sheppard led the way down several flights of stairs with McKay struggling to keep up.

"You sure are moving...fast for...someone...who spends...half his...time...in the infirmary," McKay panted.

"We've really got to get you on some type of exercise program, McKay," responded Sheppard.

They reached the bottom of the steps and walked down the corridor. As they turned the corner, Sheppard stopped dead in his tracks, causing McKay to collide with his back.

"Hey!...Give a person some warning, Major. Maybe we should get you a set of brake lights." McKay stepped up to stand beside Sheppard, who was staring at a spot on the floor. "What are you..."

McKay caught Sheppard's arm as he started to sway and only then did he notice that all the color had drained from the Major's face.

"What's wrong? What do you..." And then it hit McKay like the proverbial ton of bricks. "This is where Marchaeus was killed, isn't it?"

Sheppard just nodded sadly. "I can still see..." Sheppard bit his lower lip, no longer able to find his voice. In his mind, he saw himself/Marchaeus having the life drained out of him by the wraith. His chest was beginning to tighten and the room was beginning to spin when McKay took him firmly by the arm and propelled him down the hall and around the next corner.

Sheppard leaned against the wall , breathing heavily. A shiver went through him as he tried to push the sights and sounds and the pain of death from his mind. "Thanks," he whispered softly.

McKay now understood why Sheppard had wanted him to come. He was facing his own death and he didn't want to face it alone. McKay was glad that he had pulled his head out of his rear long enough to realize that Sheppard had really needed him. It suddenly occurred to him that he couldn't remember the last time someone had needed him. Just him. Not his genius or his ability to fix things, but just him. Sheppard had needed a friend, not a scientist. He found this realization both exhilarating and frightening.

"McKay...you okay? You look almost as shaky as I feel."

McKay took a deep breath. "I'm okay. What about you? Should we keep going?"

Sheppard nodded, the color returning to his face. "Yeah, I'm okay now. Let's go. I've got something really cool to show you." He led the way down the hall. A few minutes later he stopped and looked at the wall in front of him.

"Why are we stopping? There's nothing..." McKay stopped mid-sentence as Sheppard waved his hand in front of the wall and a door slid open. "Wow...how did you...never mind." He followed Sheppard into a small room with what looked like large, old-time computers lining the walls.

Sheppard went immediately to a console that looked almost like a desk. He sat down in the chair in front of it and quietly stared at the structure, lost in thought.

"Do you know what to do?" asked McKay, mistaking his hesitation for uncertainty.

"I know what to do," he replied softly. He reached out and gently caressed the tiles on the console with his index finger. He almost seemed oblivious to the fact that McKay was there. "He was the last person to touch these. His last act before dying was to shut Atlantis down. He sat right here, McKay...right where I'm sitting."

McKay didn't know what to say. He just stood looking at Sheppard for several minutes. He finally reached out and touched Sheppard's arm. "You aren't Marchaeus. You're still alive...and you're living in the here and now. At some point...you're just going to have to let go."

Sheppard bowed his head and sighed deeply. "I know, McKay. I've watched a lot of friends and family die over the years and none of them hit me like this. This is stupid. I'm falling apart over the death of man I've never actually seen or talked to."

"No! It's not stupid. You have a tie to Marchaeus unlike anything any of us have ever seen. You lived part of his life through his eyes. You went through death with him. How much more of a tie to someone can there be? You may not have ever met the man, but you probably know him better than you know most of us. Heck, you may know him better than you know yourself. And because you have watched so many people die...maybe that makes this seem a lot worse. You know, like cumulative effects or something. Look, I just want you to remember that you are John Sheppard, not Marchaeus. What happened to him was...sad...but it's not what happened to you. You are still here and you still have a life and Atlantis still needs you...WE need you."

Sheppard sat staring at the console for a moment and then turned his face up to McKay. "So...are you studying under Heightmeyer or something? Sounds like you might be after her job?"

"Hey, a guy's got to have a second choice of professions in case the first one doesn't work out...although the thought of you people trying to make things run without my genius is frightening and pathetic at best."

Sheppard smiled. "Thanks. I seem to be saying that to you a lot lately."

"It's okay," grinned McKay. "I think I still owe you a few. Okay, now what's so cool about this place? I hope you didn't drag me all the way down here just to play closet psychiatrist."

Sheppard's expression brightened. He quickly touched several of the tiles in sequence and looked back up at McKay. "How would you like to meet Atlantis?" He touched one final tile and the panel lit up. Atlantis appeared beside them.

"Atlantis, meet Dr. Rodney McKay. Rodney, this is Atlantis." Sheppard would have given just about anything for a camera to prove that McKay was actually struck speechless.

Atlantis reached out and touched McKay on the arm. She frowned and cocked her head to one side. "You have Ancient in you...but it is different...and it is not as strong."

McKay pulled his arm away from her. "Yes...well...mine is different...It's something we call gene therapy. I wasn't born with the Ancient gene, so our doctor...added it to me," he attempted to explain.

"That is interesting. You must tell me more later." She turned to Sheppard, making McKay feel sort of like an inferior who had been dismissed. He was somewhat disturbed by the feeling, aware that he was usually the one dismissing people that he felt were inferior to his intellect.

"John...I'm glad to see that you are all right. I do not understand how this happened."

Sheppard looked confused. "But I saw in my ...dream or vision or whatever the heck that was, that Marchaeus left...his memories for me. I thought I was supposed to access it...that it was supposed to happen."

"It is true that Marchaeus left much of his life for you to see. I was surprised when you accessed it without coming to this room. You should have had to access it through this control console. Apparently your tie to Marchaeus allowed you to interact with the program without coming here. The link was further strengthened when you visited his quarters. What I really cannot explain is..."

"Atlantis, what is it?"

Atlantis took Sheppard's hands in her own. "You should not have seen any more of Marchaeus's life after he shut me down in this room. You should not have seen, much less experienced, his death. I cannot explain that."

Sheppard looked flustered. "Then how..." he said softly.

McKay looked at Atlantis. "Did you see Marchaeus die?"

Atlantis looked sad as she turned to McKay. "Yes...I saw him die...and I could do nothing."

"That's it. The Major has a very strong connection to you and to Marchaeus. I'm guessing you also had a very strong connection to Marchaeus. The tie didn't really end when he shut you down...at least not the connection between you. You recorded things that happened in his life through your connection to him. That connection didn't really end until he died."

Atlantis looked horrified. "That would mean...that I did that to you. I hurt you..."

"No...you didn't hurt me. I'm okay. And...it was something I needed to see. I needed to know the whole story."

Atlantis glanced over at McKay. "You are very wise for someone who is not...Ancient...by nature."

McKay just grinned smugly. "They don't call me the answer man for nothing!"

-----------------------------------------------------------

Sheppard and McKay entered Weir's office. Beckett had arrived just ahead of them.

"Is everythin' all right?" asked Beckett, ever worrying about his charges.

"We're good," replied Sheppard. "I have someone I want you to meet."

Beckett and Weir looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and turned back to Sheppard and McKay. "Okay," said Weir. "I'll bite. Who do you want us to meet?"

"Atlantis," said Sheppard.

Weir raised one eyebrow at them. "How is that possible? I thought you were the only one who could talk to Atlantis."

"I was. When I accessed Marchaeus's memories, it showed me how to...activate Atlantis so that she can appear and interact with pretty much anyone in the city. She'll be able to help us a lot more now. It also allows her to move around the city a lot more freely and opens up a lot of her functions."

Weir sighed loudly. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Sheppard looked crestfallen. "What do you mean is it a good idea? What are you implying? Atlantis is trying to help us revive the city. We need her."

"I'm just saying we don't know an awful lot about this whole situation and it sounds like you've just given her more control. I wish you had contacted me before doing this."

Everyone but Sheppard jumped when Atlantis suddenly appeared beside Sheppard. Her hand went immediately to his arm. "Do not be angry with her, John. She is just watching out for the members of the expedition. It is her job to be suspicious. Perhaps she is right. Perhaps you should have discussed this with her before reactivating me."

Sheppard was trying to breathe deeply and slowly and control the anger he felt brewing inside. "Actually, I think this means she doesn't trust me to make decisions."

"No. That is **no**t it. I do trust you. I just prefer to be cautious. I don't know Atlantis, so I don't know whether to trust her or not."

Sheppard sighed and then looked straight at Weir. "Elizabeth...do you trust me?"

She met his eye contact and held it. "I trust you, John."

"Then you trust Atlantis. I know you don't understand, Elizabeth, but we are linked. She is in me and I am in her. I would know if we couldn't trust her. She's here to help us. Show me that you trust me."

Elizabeth continued to look at Sheppard, her mind racing. She finally relaxed her tense shoulders and let out a deep breath. "I trust you, John. If you say we can trust Atlantis, then I trust her too."

The tension in Sheppard's face eased. "Thank you Elizabeth. You won't regret it. She can help us."

Elizabeth smiled at Atlantis. "I think maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Let's start over. My name is Elizabeth Weir and I'm very glad to meet you."

Atlantis smiled and bowed her head slightly towards Elizabeth. "I believe that we can help one another."

---------------------------------------------------------

It was several days later when Sheppard finally convinced Beckett and Weir to let him continue the training process. The next step was to carry out the simulations on one of the consoles in the training room. The only way Weir had allowed the activity was for McKay to check everything out first and for Beckett to be sitting in the room with a medical team. Sheppard whined that all the fuss was not necessary, but Weir and Beckett overrode him. He was not happy when Atlantis agreed with Beckett and Weir and made several obnoxious comments about having three mothers.

When everything was declared clear, Sheppard went to work on one of the consoles. McKay and Beckett watched in fascination for a while as he worked through several simulations, alternately bringing up screens, moving tiles around, exchanging crystals in a side panel, or punching buttons on a section that looked like a keyboard written in Ancient. Eventually, they got bored and embarked on a run of card games with a deck Beckett carried in his medical bag. McKay would periodically check various laptops he had set up around the room and then return to their game. Beckett was noticing that Sheppard had been at it for several hours and was about to suggest he take a break when the Major stretched and yawned. He started to get up from his position sitting in front of the console when Beckett appeared beside him and pushed him back into the chair.

"Are you finished, Major?"

"I'm done."

"How do you feel?" asked Beckett as he took his pulse.

"Good. A little stiff from sitting so long, but otherwise okay." Sheppard waited patiently while Beckett continued his check, taking his blood pressure and temperature and listening with his stethoscope.

Beckett crossed his arms and looked down at Sheppard. "Major...as near as I can tell, you're fine."

"I think that's what I said." Sheppard grinned at Beckett mischievously. "Hey, I feel pretty good. Maybe we could do a session in the chair this afternoon."

"No!" said Beckett and McKay in unison. They looked at each other briefly and then back to Sheppard.

"Okay...it was just a thought. When then?"

Beckett looked uncomfortable. He still didn't like the idea of Sheppard getting back in the chair. He was still remembering what had happened the last time. Sheppard sensed his unease.

"It's okay, Doc. We have the chair thing worked out. It won't be like last time."

"I'm not so sure, but, I guess if Elizabeth okays it, you can go day after tomorrow."

"Doc...what about tomorrow? I feel good."

"Major...I said the day after tomorrow...and not a minute sooner." He jumped as Atlantis appeared beside John and just a couple of feet away from him. "Bloody...do you have to be doin' that?"

Atlantis smiled at him. "I am sorry doctor. I did not mean to startle you." She touched his arm reassuringly as she spoke and smiled even more. "You have the...gene. You are strong in the gene...not as strong as John...but still strong."

Beckett looked embarrassed. "Well...yes I do have the gene. I'm not very good at activatin' things like the Major though. Sometimes...I'm a little dangerous."

"I could help you control your abilities more, if you like. You cannot be a key, as John is, but there are many things you would be capable of. We may speak of this later."

Beckett nodded. "Later would be good. I need to get the Major through these trainin' sessions in one piece first. Are you sure the chair will be safe for him this time?"

"I am sure." She said it with such confidence that Beckett found himself relaxing and worrying a lot less about the situation.

Atlantis turned to John. "You have done very well. I was not expecting you to finish the first set so quickly. You have assimilated the information rapidly. The training will not take you long."

"Good. I guess we go again day after tomorrow then." Sheppard looked over at McKay. "You hungry, McKay, cause I'm starving."

"Starving, naturally. Carson, want to join us in a trip to the mess hall?"

Carson considered the offer. "Well, I am a wee bit hungry myself. I guess I will join you lads for a bite."

Sheppard looked at Atlantis. "I know you don't eat, but you're welcome to join us."

"Thank you for the offer, but I believe I have other things to do," Atlantis replied. And then she was gone.

Sheppard, McKay, and Beckett left the training room and headed for the mess hall. Although none of them said anything, they were each relieved that the session had gone so well and that they were walking leisurely to the mess hall instead of rushing desperately for the infirmary.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 14

Sheppard stood leaning against the doorframe, watching what he could only describe as the glorified three-ring circus unfolding before him. The training room was in the midst of semi-organized chaos. McKay and Zelenka had a laptop and some other piece of equipment Sheppard could not identify hooked up to the training chair in the center of the room. They alternately ran back and forth between the two stations, examining the data on the screen and argued loudly with one another, complete with animated finger wagging. Beckett had arrived with two nurses and a gurney loaded down with enough equipment to open an intenstive care unit. They were wandering around the relatively small room, looking for a place to set up where they would be out of the general flow of things. Teyla and Ford were there to give moral support. Elizabeth and Kate had arrived to...well, he didn't really know why they were here. Morbid curiousity maybe. The room was now very crowded and everyone was beginning to get in each others way. Sheppard just stood and watched.

"You are not afraid?" asked Atlantis.

Sheppard continued to watch the escalating confusion in front of him. "Nah...I'm not worried. Should I be?"

"No. It is just that everyone else seems nervous. You seem...calm. Why do you not share in their anxiety?"

Sheppard smiled. "You said the chair was safe. I trust you."

Atlantis smiled and seemed to be very pleased with this. "I will not let you down. You will be safe this time. You may still experience some discomfort...headache and fatigue...but it will not harm you."

"Good enough for me. You'll be there somewhere...watching...won't you?" He averted his gaze for the first time and looked at the face of Atlantis. He didn't know why, but he needed to know that she would bethere.

"I will be with you." She squeezed his arm, her touch reassuring him.

Sheppard grinned. "What do say we get this party started?" Sheppard straightened and whistled loudly. The room fell silent as everyone stopped talking and turned to look at him. "Okay, first thing is this is too many people. Contrary to popular belief, this is not a spectator sport and as far as I know, no one's sold tickets, so some of you people are going to have to go. Ford, Teyla, Kate, and Elizabeth. I appreciate the show of support, but I can't concentrate with all this noise, so you four will have to go. You can wait in the hall or out on the balcony or in your quarters...I don't care...as long as it's not in this room. Beckett...there isn't room to set up the whole blasted infirmary in here. Get the gurney and all that stuff and your extra personnel out in the hall. You can stay if you must."

Beckett opened his mouth to reply, but Sheppard cut him off. He had taken control of this game and he had no plans of relinquishing it. "And no, you are not hooking me up to any monitors. I've already told you it could interfere with the chair. You can hook up all the monitors you want after we're done." Sheppard looked around the room at the open mouths and shocked faces. "Who does that leave...McKay...Zelenka...Beckett...Okay, I can live with that. Except...McKay, if you and Zelenka start going after each other, I swear I'll throw you both out." Sheppard stepped out of the doorway and several steps into the room so that people could get by him. "Okay...what are you waiting for...an engraved invitation? Out!"

Those who had been ordered to leave began slowly filing out of the room. Teyla and Ford both told the Major good luck and that they would be waiting down the hall. Elizabeth stood looking at him for several seconds before putting her hands on his arms.

"Be safe," she whispered softly.

He grinned his slightly lop-sided, cocky grin he usually gave in the midst of a good tease. "I will. Atlantis, Carson, and Rodney all have my back. What could go wrong?"

She groaned. "Well, I was feeling okay about this until you said that. What are you trying to do, jinx yourself?"

His smile became more serious, and yet it was still a smile. He looked so calm and sure that it helped steady her shaky nerves. "I'll be okay. I promise."

Elizabeth just nodded. "I'll hold you to that." She squeezed his arm one last time and then walked out the door.

Sheppard turned to find the room much calmer and much more quiet. Sheppard put his hands on his hips for a moment. "Much better. I can work with this." He looked over at McKay. "Are you guys ready?"

McKay looked at Zelenka, who nodded, and then turned back to Sheppard. "We're ready. Are you?" McKay looked a little worried.

"I am sooooo ready." He turned to Atlantis. "Where will you be?"

"I must go monitor the systems and ensure that they run properly. Remember. When you first activate the chair, tell it to recalibrate it's settings. I have already reset the chair to a setting more in line with your physiology, but that will give the chair the chance to make any last minute adjustments. When that is finished, then tell it to run the next training program."

"Got it."

Atlantis put one hand on his chest. "Be safe, John Sheppard. I will see you after the session." Atlantis disappeared.

Beckett shuddered. "Does that not bother anyone but me...the way the lass pops in and out like a bloody jack-in-the-box?"

Sheppard sat in the chair. "You worry too much, Doc." He leaned the chair back and it lit up immediately. Sheppard closed his eyes and thought. They watched as a yellow light scanned from one end of the chair to the other. A few seconds later, a blue light followed the same path. And then everything was still and quiet as Sheppard appeared to be sleeping to the three observers.

"And now comes the hard part," said McKay. "We wait."

For the next four hours, there was no movement from the Major except for the steady rise and fall of his chest, which Beckett felt compelled to check every few minutes. Beckett and McKay had begun to alternately pace and wring their hands in worry. The group that had been previously ejected from the room was also beginning to get jittery and had started taking turns poking their head in the door to check on things. Beckett had just started threatening to forcibly remove Sheppard from the chair when he turned in his pacing to find Atlantis suddenly standing in front of him. He jumped, visible startled by her unexpected appearance.

"Bloody heck...could you **please** stop doin' that?"

Atlantis smiled at him and McKay couldn't help but wonder if she wasn't doing it on purpose. Poor Beckett. Nothing like having the physical embodiment of an Ancient city playing pranks on you. Talk about a no win situation.

"You need not worry, Dr. Beckett. John is okay and he is finishing now. He will return to you in a moment. He...may not feel well for a while. Just let him rest and he will be fine. Tell John I will talk to him later."

The chair deactivated and returned to a sitting position. Sheppard's eyes opened, but he looked slightly disoriented. Beckett grabbed his bag and pulled a chair up beside Sheppard. McKay stood on the other side of the Major, watching in concern.

Beckett touched Sheppard on the arm. A couple of seconds later, Sheppard turned to look at him. "Major...can you hear me?"

"Yeah...I hear you."

"Do you know where you are and what just happened?"

Sheppard rubbed his forehead and then his eyes. "Yeah...training room...just finished a session. Man...that was...amazing." He looked back up at Beckett and smiled, beginning to look and sound more lucid with each passing minute. "It's okay, Doc. I don't think I'm going to stroke out this time."

All three men seemed relieved. Beckett began taking Sheppard's pulse. "Let me just check you out before we try to move, Major. I'm glad things went better this time."

Zelenka sighed with relief. "I will let others know Major is okay." He turned and hurried out the door.

Elizabeth returned a few minutes later and joined the two men beside the chair. She was just in time to see Carson shine the pen light in Sheppard's eye and hear him groan as he slapped at the physician's hand. "Yow! Get that thing out of my face."

Beckett grabbed Sheppard's hand and pushed it down to his lap. "Major, if I have to put you in restraints to do this I will. Now keep your hands out of the bloody way."

"So, Carson, how is he?" asked Elizabeth.

Beckett finished looking at Sheppard. "Temperature, blood pressure, and pulse are all a little high, but not enough to be problematic. Pupils are slightly dilated and respond a bit sluggishly. How do you feel, Major?"

Sheppard leaned his head back against the chair back. "Really tired...heck of headache brewing...which the bright light did not help, incidently."

"Aye...that's pretty much what Atlantis said you'd be feelin'."

Sheppard looked around. "Where is she?"

Beckett and McKay looked around the room. "She was here a minute ago," said McKay. "I think she said she'd look in on you later."

Sheppard rubbed the back of his neck and moved his shoulders around against the stiffness. "Look guys, I'm really drained. I think I'll go lie down a while if you don't mind."

Sheppard stood up and staggered a step, unsure if his legs were going to hold up his weight. Beckett and McKay each grabbed an arm, steadying him. After a few seconds, he got his balance and the room stopped swimming.

"I'm good, guys. Thanks."

Beckett did not let go of his arm. "I'm afraid you'll be spending the rest of the day with me, Major."

Sheppard frowned. "Why? I'm fine...just a little tired. I can rest in my quarters."

"No, Major. You'll rest in the infirmary. We still do not really know what that chair does to you or what after effects you might experience. I'm a little concerned about your pupils being so sluggish. I intend to monitor you for several hours to make sure you are okay." Beckett smiled. "And besides, Major...I seem to recall you telling everyone in this room that I could hook up all the monitors I wanted after the training session."

Sheppard grimaced. That was definitely a case of the mouth getting ahead of the brain. "Okay, Doc. You win. But...I'm not wearing a gown...I get scrubs. And no IV."

Beckett nodded. "Okay, lad. It sounds like a deal. And if you're good, I might just give you somethin' for that headache."

Although Sheppard pulled away from Beckett and McKay and insisted on walking unaided, the two men walked beside him all the way to the infirmary in case he needed assistance at any point.

Once they reached the infirmary, Sheppard's day began to go downhill. He headache had stepped up to about an 8 on the Richter scale and the walk had pretty much taken him from tired to exhausted. All he wanted to do was curl up in a bed and go to sleep. He just had to stay awake long enough to change into scrubs. As Beckett led him to a bed, he noticed a hospital gown lying on top. He stopped in his tracks, pulling back on Carson where the doctor had taken him by the arm.

"Doc...we said scrubs, right?"

Beckett stood and looked at him sheepishly. "I need to make a compromise. The scrub top makes it really hard for my staff to work with the monitors. What if you wear a hospital gown and scrub bottoms?"

Sheppard stood looking at the bed. He really hated those gowns...but if he had scrub pants on at least he wouldn't feel so...naked. He was just too tired to fight it. "Okay...please tell me we're still on the no IV plan."

Beckett brightened. "No IV, Major. Thank you. You have no idea how much easier that makes it for us." He handed Sheppard a pair of scrub pants. "Don't put the gown on yet, lad. Let me know when you're ready and we'll hook up the monitors and then slide the gown over you."

Sheppard nodded tiredly as Beckett closed the curtain. When he had removed his clothes and put the scrub pants on, he opened the curtain and sat on the bed. Beckett and a couple of nurses got him settled in bed and then proceeded to hook him up to just about every conceivable monitor. Sheppard was pretty sure he'd regained consciousness from life threatening injuries with less monitors attached than this. By the time they helped him into the gown, he was hurting pretty badly and ready to scream at anyone and everyone.

"Are we done yet?" Sheppard snapped.

"Yes, Major. We're done. Look, we're just trying to make sure you're okay." Beckett explained. He looked down at Sheppard, eyes closed and lines of pain etched in his face. "Headache pretty bad?"

Sheppard just groaned. He lay there trying to slow his breathing so that maybe his heart wouldn't beat quite so forcibly in his throbbing head. A few seconds later he felt a slight pinch in his arm and he knew Beckett had returned to watch out for him. He forced his eyes open, the light sending stabbing pains through his temples. Beckett was smiling down at him.

"That should help, Major."

"Thanks," he whispered softly, not really sure if he actually spoke the word or just thought it. He closed his eyes as he felt the pain start to slowly slide away and he let himself slide away with it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carson and Nick stood beside the infirmary bed, looking down at Sheppard's sleeping form. The soft hum and beep of the monitors was the only sound in the semi-dark room.

"Carson," said Nick. "His vitals are all good and we've checked the monitor readings at least three times. He's fine. He's just sleeping."

Carson ran a hand through his hair. "Aye, I know you're probably right. But he hasn't moved a muscle since this afternoon. I knew he was tired, but I wasn't expectin' him to be out near this long. He should have turned over or come to or somethin' by now."

"Didn't you give him pain medication for his headache?"

"Aye."

"Okay, Carson. Pain medication plus physical exhaustion. He's sleeping. Which is what you need to do. Now go! Kelly and I can look after him."

Carson crossed his arms. "I know you're right, but after last time...I guess I was just expectin' a worse case scenario. This went so smoothly. I keep waitin' for the other shoe to drop."

Nick patted Carson on the back. "You worry too much."

Carson laughed. "That's exactly what the Major said."

"Dr. Strauhan is correct, Dr. Beckett. John is just sleeping." Beckett jumped at the sound of the voice. He looked over to find Atlantis standing at the foot of Sheppard's bed, watching the sleeping form intently.

"Lass...one of these days...You're sure he's just sleeping?"

Atlantis walked over to stand beside Beckett. "I am sure." She cocked her head to one side as she studied the doctor's features. "You are still worried about him."

Beckett nodded his head. "Aye. He's already been through so much. I don't want him to suffer because I missed somethin'."

Atlantis took his hands in hers. "I will show you so that you may rest." She took his hands and moved them over Sheppard's chest so that they hovered an inch or so above the Major. She closed her eyes and in a few minutes, a soft glow surrounded their hands and extended down to Sheppard's chest below. After a few seconds, the glow faded and Beckett pulled his hands back. He rubbed them together vigorously as he looked at a smiling Atlantis. "You see now that he is well."

Beckett nodded. Atlantis patted him on the arm. "Thank you for caring so for John. I see that he is in good hands."

Beckett looked down at his hands and then back up, but Atlantis was gone.

"Carson...what just happened?" asked Nick nervously.

"She...just showed me that the Major is okay...he really is just sleeping. I don't know exactly how I know...but I know. That was...bloody amazing."

Nick took a deep breath and scratched his head. "Somehow, I never feel like I know what's going on around here. I still think I need to get out more during the day. Well...now that you know Sheppard is just asleep, I trust I can get rid of you for a few hours to get some sleep of your own."

Beckett nodded. "Aye...I'll leave now. Just keep monitorin' him and let me know of any problems."

"We will. Carson...you know I'll keep a close eye on him."

Beckett smiled. "I know. And thank you. I'll see you in the mornin'." Beckett left the infirmary, confident that Sheppard would be there safe and sound in the morning when he returned.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

I am VERY, VERY sorry about the enormous delay. RL has been busy lately, but I should be more prompt this week. Maybe I can even get finished soon.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 15

Beckett paused at the door to the infirmary. Taking a deep breath, he stepped in and looked over to Sheppard's bed, half expecting a crisis of some kind. He relaxed when he saw Sheppard sitting up in bed eating breakfast and talking to someone. As he moved closer, he noticed Nick was sitting in the chair next to Sheppard's bed, drinking a cup of coffee.

"Hey, doc," said Sheppard between bites. "Dr. Strauhan was just telling me about you and Atlantis talking last night. She's pretty cool, huh."

"Aye, Major. She's pretty special. How are you feelin' this mornin'? I see you've shed all your monitors."

"I feel pretty good, actually. We had an emergency electrode-removing session this morning because I couldn't figure out how to drag all those machines to the bathroom." Sheppard grinned mischievously.

Nick nodded. "Emergency session is right. He was yanking those things off like nobody's business. You've never heard so much yelping in all your life. I think the Major found out that chest hair isn't always a good thing."

Sheppard stopped chewing and looked at Nick in disbelief. "And you think I just found that out this morning? Where have you been the last few months?"

Beckett grinned and turned to Nick. "Everythin' went okay, then?"

Nick nodded again,. "Everything's fine. I checked the Major out while we waited on his breakfast. Pulse, blood pressure, and temperature are all fine. Pupil size and reaction to to light is normal. All the monitors showed no problems. I put the print-outs on your desk. And...drum roll please...Major Sheppard is on his second tray."

Beckett looked suprised. "Did you say he working on his second tray of food?"

Nick pointed to an empty tray on the table beside the bed. "That wasn't my breakfast, Carson. He finished it off and was still hungry, so I sent out for a second."

Beckett looked pleased. "Well done, Doctor. How did you manage that?"

"Look, guys," said Sheppard. "It's really not that amazing. It's been twenty-four hours since the last time I ate anything. I think being starved is a natural response to a total lack of food. By the way, when do I get out of here?"

"Well, Major, since you are doing so well, I'd say after breakfast. Finish your meal and let me have one last look and then I'll dismiss you."

"Now we're talking," said Sheppard.

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Sheppard strolled into Weir's office to find her talking to McKay. He sat down in the chair beside the door and propped his feet up on the corner of her desk. The movement caught their attention and they turned to face him.

"So, did you get released or did you escape?" she asked.

Sheppard immediately shot a look at McKay, who innocently shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. He then looked back at her in feigned exasperation. "Why does everyone always ask that?"

Weir smiled. "I think we all know the answer to that one. So which is it...or should I call Carson and ask him?"

Sheppard smiled smugly. "I don't care who you call because I was released from the infirmary almost an hour ago."

Weir reached over and smacked the side of his feet, sparking him to get them off her desk and place them back on the floor. "Well, good for you. Rodney and I were just discussing..." They were interrupted by the gate alarm announcing an incoming wormhole. All three walked out to the gate control room.

"It's Sgt. Stackhouse's IDC," said one of the techs at the control console.

"Lower the shield," said Elizabeth. They all stood watching the gate as the shield was lowered. Almost the instant the shield was gone, the gate shut down. She turned back to the tech. "What just happened?"

The tech was frantically working at the controls, trying to figure out what was going on. "I don't know. The gate controls are off line and I can't get them back on. Nothing on the control panel is responding."

McKay stepped up and tried for a minute, but nothing happened. He was urging the tech to get out of the way and preparing to sit down, when Sheppard walked up to the console.

"Let me try, McKay."

McKay laughed. "Major, be serious. How would you..." He stopped and looked back at Sheppard. "Oh...yeah...I forgot. Okay." McKay stepped back hesitantly and let Sheppard in front of the console.

Sheppard touched a couple of buttons and then reached behind the console and pressed something. He then kneeled in front of the equipment and slid his hand over the front panel. A door slid open revealing a small chamber,. He pulled out a small, vertical tray with different colors of flat, hexagon-shaped crystals. Studying them, he removed a blue one with a blackened edge. He stood and looked around the room. Seeing what he wanted, he walked over to a console in the back corner and waved his hand over it, causing the lights to go out. He then pulled out a similar tray with crystals and removed a blue one just like the one from the other tray. He took it over to the first tray at the gate controls and replaced the blackened one with this one. He slid the tray back in to it's compartment, closed the door, and reached behind the console. He then pressed a couple of buttons and the console lit back up.

"Okay, now try it." He stepped back out of the way so the tech could get back in. He worked a couple of minutes and then announced the gate was back on line.

"You better contact Sgt. Stackhouse and tell them to try again." Elizabeth looked up to see Sheppard at another console. He worked a second to bring up a map on the screen and pointed to a location.

"Here's the store room for the crystals. You should be able to find a replacement for the one I lifted from that back console. It should have several replacement crystals for all the ones used in the control room."

Elizabeth nodded. "I guess I don't have to ask you how you knew what to do."

"See...I told you the training would be useful to running Atlantis."

"Great! What does that make me...obsolete? I've been replaced by a smart aleck flyboy. Who'd have thought?" moaned McKay.

Sheppard grinned and slapped McKay on the back. "Cheer up. I haven't replaced you. It's just that sometimes, now I can help. Don't worry - there's plenty of stuff around here that needs the McKay touch."

McKay nodded. "That's true...I guess there will always be some things that actually require a genius to make work...at least successfully."

Elizabeth leaned back so McKay couldn't see her and mouthed, "Nice save," to Sheppard, who gave her a thumbs up.

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The next day, Sheppard went through another round of simulations in the training room. It was somewhat less dramatic this time, with only McKay and Beckett attending. The training session went much as the one before had, with Sheppard checking out okay afterward. They began to run a regular schedule with training activites every other day. Sheppard would sit in the chair, followed by simulations, followed by the chair again. They found that the simulations did little more than make him a little stiff and tired. The chair sessions were a little more intensive, leaving him exhausted and with a serious headache. Beckett usually insisted he stay in the infirmary after a chair session, but agreed to suspend the monitoring equipment. Sheppard figured out on the third round to dress in sweats and a t-shirt and he didn't have to change into scrubs. Beckett just lead him to the infirmary, tucked him into bed, and gave him something for his headache. Since he usually slept through til the next morning, he decided he could live with that arrangement. After the fourth chair session, Sheppard made a discovery he just had to share. The minute Beckett released him the following morning, he made a beeline for McKay's lab.

"Hey, McKay," said Sheppard, walking into the lab. "Drop what you are doing and grab your laptop. I've got something really cool to show you."

McKay turned to face the Major, who was grinning like a kid at a party. McKay crinkled his brow. "How cool?"

"As in Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday, all rolled up in one."

McKay looked back at the work he was doing and then back at Sheppard. Sensing his hesitation, Sheppard upped the stakes.

"Of course, if you're too busy I could go ask Dr. Zelenka...or maybe Dr. Kavanagh... if they wanted in on this."

That had the desired effect. "Not on your life, Major. I'm coming with you." McKay grabbed his laptop and followed Sheppard out into the hall. "This better be something good," he muttered under his breath.

A few minutes later, they exited a transporter. McKay was getting excited as they began walking down the corridor. "So, how far away is this amazing thing? You do realize we are walking toward a part of the city that is not only unexplored, but also has no power, right?"

"I do realize that, McKay, and I don't know exactly how long it will take to get there. I've never actually been there."

McKay stopped. "Wait, wait, wait. You've never been there? How do you know there's anything there? Do you even know where you are going? Major, I'm a busy man. I don't have time to go wandering around the city while you try to figure out...are you listening to me?" He hurried to catch up with Sheppard, who hadn't even slowed down during McKay's tirade.

McKay's chatter eventually drifted off as he had to breathe harder and harder in his attempt to keep up with Sheppard. He was just about to stage a mutiny when the Major finally stopped and waited on him to catch up. He gulped air in for a couple of minutes while Sheppard watched him patiently. When his breathing had leveled out, Sheppard grinned. "So McKay...are you ready for your suprise?"

McKay rolled his eyes. "You realize that whatever you have hidden behind door number one is never going to live up to all this hipe? You have to learn to downplay a little, Major."

"Oh really?" asked Sheppard, looking very skeptical. "We'll see."

"How are you going to open the door...no power to this section, remember?"

Sheppard just looked smug. "I have my ways." He pressed his hand against the door panel and closed his eyes. McKay was about to ask what he thought he was doing when the door slid open.

"How...how did you do that with no power?"

"I just borrowed a little from another part of the city...temporarily."

McKay just stood with his mouth open. "But you can't do that. How did you relay it? That doesn't make any sense...it shouldn't work. I still don't...Oh my god!" McKay had looked past Sheppard to see another chair, similar to the weapons chair and the one in Antarctica sitting in the middle of the room.

McKay rushed forward and ran his hand along the edge with a gentle touch of respect. "How did you know?"

Sheppard leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. "Last training session. I knew immediately that you'd love it."

"Do you know what it does?" asked McKay, almost reverantly.

"You name it. McKay...this is the central control chair for the city. We are dead in the center of Atlantis. This chair can be used to set the others, and just about anything else you want."

"The others? There are more?"

"There are three more that we haven't found yet. They, like the weapons chair, control limited functions. This is central command, so to speak. The problem of course is..."

"...no power," cut in McKay. "We have GOT to find a ZPM. I'd just about kill to be able to at least check this thing out for a few mintutes and see what it can do."

"Well, McKay...you know how I said this was Christmas and birthday all wrapped up into one? I think I can help you out with that."

You could almost see the light click on in McKay's head. "You mean like the door...borrow a little power from somewhere else?"

"Yep! At least, I think I can. It will only be enough for you to check it out with your computer and see what it does. I can't divert enough power to actually run the chair. And I can't do it for too long. But I should be able to give you an hour or so to play with it."

McKay rubbed his hands together. "What are we waiting for? Let's get started."

Sheppard walked across the room and sat down in the chair. "Wait!" called McKay. Sheppard looked up at him.

"What? Problem already?"

McKay looked at Sheppard and frowned. "Are you sure this is okay? It's not going to hurt you or anything? You just got out of the infirmary a little while ago and I DON'T want Carson on my case about sticking you back in."

"I'll be fine as long as we don't do it too long. Just watch the time and stop me in an hour."

McKay nodded. "Okay, I can do that. Give me a minute to get connected." Five minutes later, McKay told Sheppard he was ready. Sheppard closed his eyes and concentrated for a minute before the chair finally leaned back and lit up. McKay immediately began to type away on the computer.

----------------------------------

McKay was studying one of the readings when he heard Sheppard's voice, barely loud enough to get his attention. "MmmKay...gotta ...stop."

McKay quickly saved everything just before the chair powered down and returned to the upright position. He talked excitedly as he disconnected and packed up his computer. "Oh, Major. This is incredible. Talk about a good Christmas present. You just gave me a lifetime supply. Don't worry about getting me anything for the next 20 years...of course, we don't exchange presents anyway...but ...well, okay, let's just say I owe you one. How would that be?" He stood up and looked down at Sheppard, sitting in the chair with his eyes closed.

"Major? Are you okay?" McKay began to get a jittery feeling in his stomach. He looked at his watch. He'd been on the computer for over two hours. Oh crap, he'd done it again. Why did people continue to think he could work and watch the clock at the same time? He knelt down beside the chair and placed a hand on Sheppard's arm. He was relieved to see the man open his eyes.

"Hey...Kay...ready ...t' go?"

Sheppard's words were slightly slurred and his eyes looked somewhat unfocused. "Major...I'm sorry...I lost track of time and stayed too long. Maybe I should call Carson."

"No...no firmary...wanna go to...quarters. Help me, Kay."

Atlantis appeard beside them as McKay wrestled with what he should do. She actually looked angry, an emotion that suprised McKay.

"John...what are you doing? Power diversion should be done in emergencies only. It pulls too much out of you. Even the ancient ones didn't do it for this long unless it was really needed. You can hurt yourself."

John looked up at her, his speech beginning to clear somewhat. "I'm good...juss givin' M'Kay here a peek. Juss tired. Need to sleep. Sorry...didn't know."

Atlantis's expression softened some. "Of course...the trainers usually gave those warnings and you don't really have a trainer. I should have told you. I am sorry, John."

"Ssso kay. I'm good."

McKay looked from Sheppard to Atlantis. "Is he okay or do I need to call Carson?"

"I am not sure. I do not believe he has done any damage. He is correct in that he needs sleep. The effort may make him ill for a while, but he should recover. It is your decision."

McKay knew how much Sheppard hated the infirmary. "What do you think, Major? Can you make it back to your quarters?"

"Sure thing...if you'll help me." Sheppard knew he couldn't walk that far by himself. He wasn't completely sure he could make it to the door.

"Okay,...Atlantis, can you..." McKay looked around, but Atlantis was gone. "That's right," he sighed. "Leave me to carry him back by myself. Okay, let's get you up."

McKay grabbed Sheppard by the left arm and hoisted him up to his feet. He draped Sheppard's arm around his neck and slid his arm around Sheppard's waist. He felt the Major's legs trying to give way as they walked, but by the time they reached the door, Sheppard had begun to support some of his weight. McKay picked up his laptop from the table he had placed it on earlier and they staggered out the door and down the hall. McKay eyed the transporter right next to the chair room. "Man, oh man, for some power right now."

Once they made it to a working transporter, McKay figured the hard part was over. All he had to do now was get Sheppard to his quarters and into bed without Beckett seeing them. When the transporter doors opened, they lurched out into the hallway. Sheppard was tiring and beginning to lean more heavily against McKay, causing McKay to stagger erratically.

"Major... a little help here. Could you stop weaving so much?"

"Dizzy," Sheppard mumbled. Sheppard's headache had grown to monumental proportions since they left the chair room and the constant jerking motions had cranked up the dizziness as well. The headache and the dizziness were combining to wake up nausea, who seemed to be rushing to join the party. Sheppard clamped his hand over his mouth in an attempt to help him gain control.

The motion attracted McKay's attention and he glanced over at Sheppard, noticing the Major seemed to be getting a little green. "Oh no...not on your life. I'll help you to your quarters but you better not barf on me. We're almost there...just keep that hand clamped down hard."

They staggered past a pair of marines who looked oddly at the weaving duo. McKay tried to nod and look normal, the effect somewhat nullified by Sheppard's heavy leaning and queasy expression. "Oh great," muttered McKay. "We probably look like a couple of drunks."

As soon as Sheppard's door opened, McKay propelled him through the room at break-neck speed, praying that neither of them tripped over anything. Sheppard had just reached ground zero when he lost the battle to hold down breakfast. He heaved until nothing more would come up and his throat was raw. He sat trembling with exhaustion for a few moments before he began round two. By the time he stopped, he was pretty sure he was dying.

His vision was getting hazy, but he made out a cup of water being handed to him, which he gratefully took and rinsed out his mouth. As he handed the cup back, he received a damp cloth in it's place. He wiped his face and the cool dampness felt good against his hot skin. He was pretty sure he had spiked a fever now to add to the headache and exhaustion. Beckett would kill him if he ever got wind of this. If McKay would run interference for him the rest of the day, he could sleep it off and no one would be the wiser.

He wasn't sure he could stand, but he didn't want to pass out on the bathroom floor and he felt that was coming up hard and fast. "McKay...help me up."

"Bloody heck, Major. What have you done to yourself now?"

Sheppard lay his head on his forearm, which was draped across the edge of the toilet. "McKay...please tell me you suddenly developed a Scottish accent," he whispered.

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 16

"No, Major. I'm afraid I'm not Rodney with a new accent."

Sheppard lifted his head and slowly turned and looked up. Beckett was looking down at him with a combination of concern and annoyance. "Hey, Doc," he said weakly. "Would you believe it was something I ate?"

"Not bloody likely." Beckett turned to McKay. Concern was about to trump annoyance. "Help me get him off the cold floor and over to the bed." They each took an arm and lifted Sheppard to his feet. Supporting most of his weight, they guided him to the bed. As soon as he sat down, Sheppard leaned back into the pillows and Beckett picked up his feet and moved them over onto the bed. Beckett then proceeded to check the Major's vital signs. Sheppard just lay there with his eyes closed, letting Beckett do his work.

"All right, Major. Do you care to tell me what you've been up to or should I ask Rodney?" Concern having been put to rest for the time being, annoyance was making a return appearance.

"He drug me down there against my will. It's his fault. Besides, I think I'm needed in the lab," whined McKay as he headed for the door.

"Rodney...you aren't goin' anywhere. Sit down and stay put until I get some straight answers."

McKay moved his mouth a few times, but nothing came out. For all his blustering, he knew Beckett had control of the sharp, pointy needles and he was only willing to rebel so far. He sat down in a chair and waited to see if Sheppard was going to be the one to spill the beans or if he would.

"Okay, Doc...you win," Sheppard said tiredly. "I took Rodney to the chair room..."

"Chair room? You mean the weapons chair?"

"No...there's a central chair that can control most of Atlantis. There's no power in that section of the city, so I diverted just enough power to the chair so that Rodney could hook up his computer to take some readings. I didn't think it would be a big deal."

Beckett looked amazed. "What do you mean you diverted power?"

Sheppard rubbed his forehead. The headache had evolved into a roaring in his ears and he was having trouble concentrating. "I just...you know...I focused on moving some of the power from the active part of the city into the chair. I redirected it."

Beckett shook his head. "Son, are you saying the power moved through you into the chair?"

"Maybe...sort of...not really...I don't know."

"My gosh, lad, do you never stop to think how dangerous these things are that you do? What possessed you to think that sounded safe?"

Sheppard's eyes were squinted against the pain and his face covered in a sheen of sweat. "Seemed...okay..." He gave a small, pained laugh. "I still think we'd have been okay...if McKay ...could tell time." He moaned as he rolled over on his side and pressed his folded arms against the sides of his head. "Ohhhhh, shoot."

Beckett leaned over Sheppard and patted his shoulder reassuringly. "Hang on a few minutes, Major and I'll get you some relief." He tapped his radio and called the infirmary for a gurney. "Major...looks like you're back in the infirmary with me."

As they waited on the gurney, McKay looked over at Beckett. "He's going to be okay, right?"

Beckett nodded. "Aye, I think he'll be fine. He may just have a rough day or two between now and then."

McKay frowned at the doctor. "How did you know?"

Beckett smiled. "Two marines saw you in the hall and thought the Major was drunk. They called Elizabeth to report it. She knew Major Sheppard couldn't be drunk and that something must be wrong, so she called me."

McKay snapped his fingers. "I knew they thought we were drunk. I never thought they'd squeal though. I guess you can't trust anyone these days."

Beckett looked down at Sheppard, curled up against the pain. "I guess it's a good thing."

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When they finally got Sheppard to the infirmary and transferred to a bed, he was just grateful to have the motion stop. The movement of the gurney down the hall had caused the dizziness and nausea to return. Just lying still in bed seemed to help both tremendously. Now he could concentrate on dealing with the pain in his head. Every head movement, no matter how slight, seemed to send off an explosion of lights and pain echoing through his skull. Unfortunately, nurses kept jostling him as they got him settled and took his vital signs. He felt the familiar prick in the back of his hand as a nurse started an IV. Somehow, he wasn't suprised.

He heard familiar voices and managed to crack his eyes open enough to see Beckett and McKay in front of him. He was just in time to see Beckett coming at him with the dreaded pen light. He immediately put his free arm over his face.

"No...Doc...if you don't want a repeat of earlier...you better get that away from me."

Beckett took Sheppard's arm and pulled it back down to his side. "Okay, Major...no light. How's the headache?"

Sheppard squinted at him, almost unable to open his eyes against the light of the room. "Headache's doing great...I'm not doing so hot."

"Nice Major," said McKay. "He's barely conscious and yet he's still making wisecracks."

"Doc," Sheppard held up the hand with the IV. "Is this necessary or punishment?"

Beckett smiled. "A little of both, Major." He reached over and injected something into the IV port. "I think that will help with your headache. Try to get some rest."

Sheppard would have nodded if he hadn't been afraid his head would fall off. Instead, he closed his eyes and pushed himself back into the pillow and waited for the pain medication to kick in enough that he could go to sleep. As the pain began to ease and he began to relax, he heard Beckett going after McKay and was glad he was headed towards unconsciousness.

"I swear, the messes you two get yourselves into. You're both bloody daft."

"Hey, I'm not the one flat on my back. I'm fine. Besides, I'm telling you, it was his idea."

"If he suggested the two of you go out and play in traffic, would you do it? You have a brain of yer own, Rodney, use it."

"Don't be ridiculous, Carson. There's no traffic in Atlantis."

"Ahhhh! You're missing the point, as usual! Kids! You're just like a couple of bloody juveniles!"

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Something was bumping his cheek. He slapped at it. He wanted to sink back into the blackness, not surface to the pain just barely held at bay at the edge of consciousness. He had started to slowly slide back when the voices added themselves to the distraction keeping him from blissful sleep.

"Major, time to wake up. lad. You need to open your eyes for me."

"Mmmmmmmmm," Sheppard groaned. He pushed himself down deeper into the bed, trying to ignore the disturbance.

"Oh, come on Major. How long are you going to sleep? Wake up already!" McKay's voice was a little more insistant...a little more whiney...a little more annoying. Just enough to get him to open his eyes.

"What?" he said irritably. He blinked heavily and tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. "What?" he repeated.

Beckett had latched onto his wrist and was taking his pulse. When finished, he made a note on Sheppard's chart. "You need to wake up for a little while, Major. You've been sleeping for almost twenty-four hours."

McKay nodded in agreement. "Well, except for that brief shuffle to the facilities in the middle of the night."

Sheppard just looked at him dumbfounded. "Twenty-four hours?" He lay his head back against the pillow. He knew he had been tired, but he had had no idea he was that tired. Sheppard suddenly sat up. "Doc?" His head still throbbed, but not nearly as bad as the day before.

Beckett looked like the light had suddenly been turned on. 'Oh...yes, right." He helped Sheppard out of bed and supported him until he got his legs working. He then helped the Major steer the IV pole to the bathroom and waited outside to guide the man back to bed. Sheppard's legs were so weak and wobbly that he immediately dismissed any thoughts of trying to leave the infirmary that day. He was actually glad to climb into bed and lay back against the pillows. Beckett shifted the bed into a sitting position for him.

"Major, how do you feel?" asked Beckett.

"Tired...still...little bit of a headache, but it's better than yesterday."

Beckett nodded. "Atlantis said this was pretty much what to expect. You should make a full recovery in a day or two. You still have a bit of a fever, but not as high as it was."

"You...you've been talking to Atlantis?"

"Aye, very beautiful and helpful lass. She wanted to check on you. We stood and talked by your bed for a while last night. I'm suprised you didn't wake."

Sheppard stifled a yawn. In spite of how much he'd already slept, he found his eyelids getting that heavy, weighed down feeling. He was trying to listen to McKay tell Beckett what he'd found out about the chair, but he finally succumbed and slipped back into the blanket of sleep.

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The next time Sheppard woke, the infirmary was dark and quiet and he was alone. He lay there for several minutes, just looking at the ceiling and thinking about the city. He could feel it running...If he listened he could almost hear commands being made. He could feel power needs shifting...He could feel that part of the city was shut down, sleeping. He had never been aware of the workings of Atlantis like this. He wasn't sure if he was just now tuning in to that part of the city or if he just hadn't been still enough and quiet enough to notice it. It was exhilarating and just a little scary.

"Can I join you?" He looked over to see Nick Strauhan standing beside his bed with a cup of coffee.

"Sure, Doc. Grab a chair. I'm not going anywhere."

Nick pulled a chair up to Sheppard's bedside. He watched the Major stare at the ceiling a moment before he spoke. "Penny for your thoughts."

Sheppard seemed distracted and didn't respond at first. Then, as if becoming aware that the doctor had spoken, he turned his head and looked at Nick. "What?"

Nick grinned and sipped his coffee. "I said, penny for your thoughts. You looked deep in thought for a minute."

Sheppard smiled. "Not really deep in thought, Just listening to Atlantis. She's...a wonderful city...at least she will be again one day." His expression sobered. "How much trouble am I in with Beckett?"

"You've missed the worst of it. He's calmed down considerably now. He was pretty unhappy with you. He's been very concerned with the amount of frequent flyer miles you've been racking up lately."

"I know. I don't intend to end up in here...it just seems to happen."

"He knows that. I think he just wishes you'd be more careful and think things through before you do them."

Sheppard sighed. "Yeah...I think I vaguely remember hearing something about being a reckless fool." Nick couldn't help but notice the hurt look that crossed the Major's face.

"He was just worried. I doubt he meant it."

"I don't know...maybe he's right. I'm not very patient. I have a hard time just...waiting. That gets people killed sometimes." Nick watched Sheppard's expression darken.

"I take it there's a story behind that statement."

Sheppard turned his head again to look at Nick. "Flexing your psychology muscles, Doc? Better watch it. I think McKay may also be in the running for Heightmeyer's job." He turned back to watching his ceiling tile.

"No...just thought you might want to talk. Sometimes it's easier with someone a little closer to where you've been. I'm an Air Force doctor, Major. I've seen a lot and heard a lot. I served a year in Afghanistan myself. Granted, it was in the capacity of a doctor, not a soldier or a pilot, but when I say I've been there, I have." He looked down at his hands. "I've had a little blood on my hands as well," he said softly. He looked up to find Sheppard watching him intently. "Anything you say to me stays here, Major."

Sheppard seemed to consider this as he returned his gaze to the ceiling. Nick was thinking about excusing himself, when Sheppard started talking. "It was my first tour of active duty. Boy...was I green. Took me quite a while to have half a clue what I was doing. I ended up there with this guy from basic, Andy, and we kind of became good friends. We were kind of in the same boat...watched each other's back. He took a patrol for me one day." He paused to laugh, but it was a sad laugh that stabbed at Nick's heart. It let him know the end to this story wasn't going to be happily ever after. "We tried some native foods the day before and I spent the night hugging the toilet. Andy hauled me over to the med tent and dropped me off and told me he was taking my patrol. I was too sick to argue. I just told him I'd take his next one."

Sheppard paused a few moments and seemed to be collecting his thoughts. Nick could tell his mind was far, far away from Atlantis. "They went down near a village and took refuge there. By the time I got out of the med tent, I heard they were radioing for help. Problem was, our CO was a little green too. He was afraid to send a rescue party until he had checked everything out twice and thought about it a while. By the time we got there, the patrol and everyone in the village was dead. His careful, planning, hesitant attitude cost almost sixty lives."

Sheppard cleared his throat, trying to rid his voice of the developing hitch. "I'm not saying I wasn't impatient to begin with, because I was. But I made up my mind then and there, if it was ever my choice, I wouldn't get people killed because I was sitting on my hands doing nothing. Maybe I tend to jump headlong into things without thinking them through, but I don't ever want to have the inaction my CO did that day."

They sat in silence for a few moments, Sheppard still watching the ceiling, Nick watching his dwindling cup of coffee. "Are you angry at your CO for his hesitation...or at yourself for not being on that patrol?"

Sheppard closed his eyes. "Both. It's hard not to think about the fact that, by all rights, you should be dead. It's even harder to think about the fact that Andy should be alive. It's not the only time my actions have traded my life for someone else's. That makes for the more disturbing nightmares." He swallowed hard and opened his eyes, looking over at Nick. "So, Dr. Strauhan...what's your story. Turn about's fair play."

Nick sat watching his cup for a minute. "We were evacuating the medical camp...enemy soldiers headed our way. I was one of the last doctors out. We held a couple of critical patients til the last minute hoping they wouldn't have to be moved. We weren't sure they would survive it. It came down to me and two nurses and a couple of soldiers. We...waited too long and they overran the camp. We just...stood in the medical tent...firing at anything that came through the door. One of the nurses was killed and one of the soldiers was seriously wounded before a group came back for us. I killed a lot of men that day. You have to understand that I am a physician first and foremost and that went against everything I thought I stood for. I wasn't helping people that day...I was killing them."

"What about your patients?"

Nick snorted. "See...now there's the real kicker. They both died. We went through all that for nothing."

"No! You were trying to save your people. That's for something very important. And you didn't leave them behind. They may not have lived...but they didn't die abandoned in the hands of the enemy. That's important, Doc. Don't you ever let anyone tell you differently. I've been abandoned behind enemy lines before...it's not a good feeling. Trust me...that's not how you want to die."

They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes...each thinking about what the other had said and realizing that they had learned a lot about one another. Finally, Nick broke the silence. "You know...I've never told anyone about that before."

Sheppard smiled. "Neither have I." He turned and looked at Nick. "Think you might be interested in going out in the field with us sometime?"

Nick nodded slowly. "I think I might like that...as long as Carson can spare me."

"I get the impression Dr. Beckett doesn't care for gate travel very much. Maybe you could go with us when we need to take a doctor along."

"I'd be happy to go. To say Carson doesn't like gate travel is an understatement."

Sheppard grinned. "Good. Sounds like you're already weapons trained, so that's a plus. Hopefully we won't need them, but as you've seen, expect the unexpected. Especially in this galaxy. And Doc...thanks."

Nick nodded. "You too. Are you hungry?"

"I'm starved, but it's the middle of the night."

Nick grinned. "That's okay...I have a secret weapon and her name is Kelly. She can find us something, I guarantee it. I'll be right back." Nick got up and headed for the nurse's desk. Sheppard lay back and watched his ceiling tile, listening to Atlantis. He got the feeling he wasn't the only one in Atlantis with a few nightmares lurking around his sleep.

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

I'm sorry I didn't get to update yesterday. I got home late and then got distracted because Epiphany was waiting on me. Sorry, but I ditched you guys to watch it and drool.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 17

"Hey Elizabeth!" Elizabeth Weir looked up to see Rodney McKay entering her office. "Have you seen Sheppard?"

She frowned. "No...he's still in the infirmary, isn't he?"

McKay looked exasperated. "No, I already checked there. Carson released him hours ago. I've checked his quarters, the mess hall, the labs, the jumper bay...just about everywhere. No one's seen him since he got released."

"I'm guessing you've tried his radio."

"No point. It's sitting on his desk in his quarters."

"And you know this how?" Elizabeth asked, raising her eyebrows at him.

McKay didn't even notice the warning glance. "When he wouldn't open his door, I forced it open. You know how he acts like he's not there sometimes and I really needed to talk to him about the stuff I got off the chair the other day. I wonder where he could be."

Concern began to creep into Elizabeth's voice and features. "You don't think something's happened to him do you?"

"How do I know? It's Sheppard. Anything is possible with him."

"Hmmm. Maybe I should send out a search party...I suppose he could have tried to walk too far and gotten tired..."

"...or touched some Ancient do dad that zapped him," finished McKay.

Elizabeth was really starting to get concerned by now. "How long has he been missing?"

"About...three hours. You could get Ford to get together some men to search for him."

"Search for who?" came a voice behind them. McKay and Weir turned to see Sheppard leaned against the door frame. "Who's missing?"

"You...you are.." sputtered McKay.

"I'm not missing. I'm right here. Why do you think I'm missing?"

"Well," began Weir. "Rodney said you'd been released from the infirmary several hours ago and no one had seen you since and he was unable to find you. He...we were just worried something might have happened to you."

Sheppard rolled his eyes and moved into the room, sitting down in the nearest chair. "I went out to the southwest pier. I...I needed some alone time."

McKay sighed heavily. "You can do that in your quarters, Major. Then it doesn't scare the rest of us half to death."

Sheppard crossed his arms. "Alone in my quarters, huh? Where was the first place you looked for me?"

"Well,...your quarters. But I needed you. What do you need alone time for anyway?"

Sheppard rubbed his eyes. "McKay...I've been on public display for days in the infirmary. Beckett had someone watching my every move - eating, sleeping, reading, talking to visitors. I haven't had one moment alone. I just needed some time to think and sort through things without someone breathing down my neck."

"Oh," said McKay thoughtfully. "I guess I can understand that. I just wanted to talk to you about the stuff I got from the chair the other day."

Sheppard looked up at them and grinned. "Yeah? I have something to tell you too. I think I know where we can get a ZPM."

It was as if he had just dropped a bomb in the room. Two sets of mouths dropped open in disbelief. "A...a...a...a..." McKay stuttered.

"ZPM...that's right. I was on the balcony just kind of letting my mind wander and I started thinking about the stuff that went through the chair when you were checking it out with your computer, and I thought I saw something about a ZPM. I went and checked it out on the Ancient database before I came here. If it hasn't been moved, I know where we can find one."

"This is great!" said Elizabeth.

"Wait," said McKay. "Are you saying you had access to the information I was pulling off the chair with my computer."

"Yeah...sort of like it was running through my head. You know, kind of like a computer screen or a TV or something."

"That's amazing," said McKay.

"Anyway, I want to take my team to the planet and see if the ZPM is still there. We could go tomorrow."

Weir shook her head. "Wait a minute. Carson hasn't cleared you for duty yet. We can send another team."

Sheppard's face clouded. "No, we can talk to Beckett and get him to clear me for duty and I will go and take my team. I found it Elizabeth and I'm going. Do you know how long it's been since I've been off world? Months. I'm going stir crazy. I'm fine. There's no reason not to let me go."

"I understand, John. And I know you are frustrated. But you aren't going unless Carson clears you to go. That's final."

Sheppard sighed loudly to signify his annoyance. He had to convince Beckett to clear him because he was going after this ZPM, no matter what.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The temple ruins appear to be about a mile from the gate. The MALP shows the planet to be habitable, much like a tropical forest on earth. That presents a problem in finding a place to land a jumper, so the team will have to go on foot." Elizabeth looked around the conference table at the people assembled for the meeting. Sheppard was here with his team, Teyla, Ford, and McKay. Carson was also here, since Sheppard was still insisting that he be allowed to go on the mission.

"Do we know there's a charged ZPM at the temple?" asked Ford.

"There was a ZPM there at one time," answered Sheppard. "There's no way to know if it's still there or if it's charged without going and checking it out. But...it's our best chance in a long time."

"When do we leave?" asked Teyla.

"Tomorrow at noon," said Sheppard. "The planet is on a little different time zone than Atlantis. We think noon is probably early morning there, so we can get started before it gets too hot."

Beckett decided it was time to interrupt. "Major Sheppard, I still do not like the idea of you going off world yet. You've only been out of the infirmary two days."

Sheppard sighed quietly, trying to remain calm. "Doc...I appreciate the fact that you worry about me, but I'm fine. I feel good, no headache, been eating well,...I'm ready to go. Check me out again if that will make you feel better."

"Aye...I will. But I'm not just concerned about your condition now. I'm concerned about what you'll encounter out there. Major...your body has been through a lot the last few weeks and I'm not sure how much more punishment it can take."

"Doc...we're going to temple ruins to check for a ZPM. How dangerous can it be...never mind. Forget I said that. I guess we do have a bad history with these simple nothing-can-go-wrong missions." Sheppard suddenly brightened. "I have an idea. What if Dr. Strauhan goes with us? He and I were talking the other night about him maybe going off world with us some time. This is the perfect opportunity. Should be a quick, easy in and out. If it turns out not to be so easy, then we have a doctor with us. And he's weapons trained, so we don't have to worry about that aspect. What do you say, Doc?"

Beckett seemed to consider it. "You say he was willing to go off world with you?"

"Yep! Turns out he was in Afghanistan for a year, so he's used to fieldwork. We get him field experienced on off world missions and that means you don't have to go through the stargate as often. What do you say?" Sheppard played the gate travel card carefully, hoping Beckett would take it.

Beckett had to admit, he liked the idea of having someone else who could assume gate travel duties on missions that required medical personnel. "All right, Major. You can go. But I want a last minute check in the morning before you embark and Nick goes with you."

Sheppard grinned from ear to ear. Off world at last. "Great! Everything will be fine, Doc. You'll see."

Beckett shook his head. "I'll believe that when I see it, Major. And you better bring my doctor back in one piece."

"That's a promise!" replied Sheppard.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Nick Strauhan stepped through the gate, the hot, humid air hit him like walking into a sauna. Five steps from the gate, he was wiping sweat from his face. He tried to shift the heavy pack on his back to a more comfortable position, but the vest pockets kept hanging up and pulling it to an unbalanced position. After struggling with it for a minute, the pack suddenly was lifted and shifted into the proper position.

"Let me help you with that, Doc. I know it's awkward at first, but you'll get used to it."

Nick turned to see Sheppard finishing the adjustment. "Thanks, Major."

"No problem, Doc. Glad to have you on board." Sheppard grinned at him, obviously elated at being on a mission instead of sitting around Atlantis. He was practically bouncing as he checked with members of his team to be sure that everyone was ready to move out.

"Okay, I'll take point and Ford, you take our six. Doc, you stay in the middle with McKay and Teyla. We've got a mile to go and there's some pretty dense vegetation ahead, so stay close together. Move out." Sheppard began leading the way, his P90 ready. The first few minutes they walked with relative ease as the trees were scattered and the area fairly open. It quickly closed in, however, to become densely overgrown forest, with tall trees and a thick understory.

Nick was glad they hadn't made him carry a P90. Sheppard had decided the handgun strapped to his thigh was enough, since he had a medical bag to carry along with the supplies in his backpack. The gun on his hip felt strange, it's weight unfamiliar to him. It wasn't long before he was panting and sweating profusely. He was alarmed to discover how out of shape he was. He had given up regular exercise since coming to Atlantis, his excuse being his odd schedule. If he was going to go on missions with the team, however, he would have to remedy that situation.

"Let's pick up the pace, ladies. I just got out of the infirmary and I can walk faster than this," Sheppard goaded from ahead. Nick was amazed to discover that the man was not winded in the least. He was sweating as much as any of them, but did not seem tired at all. Nick watched him for a minute, noticing how alert he was. He seemed to be watching the path ahead, the trees to their side, and the people behind him all at the same time. Suddenly he stopped and held up his hand in a motion Nick recognized as a halt signal. They stood quietly for a second, Sheppard creeping quietly forward toward some bushes, his P90 pointed straight ahead. An animal, similar to a cross between a large rat and a cat, dashed out of the bushes and ran down the path ahead. Everyone relaxed. Nick had neither seen nor heard the animal before its quick escape.

"Okay, we're good. Ratzilla made afast getaway," quipped Sheppard as he started forward again.

"Ratzilla?" asked McKay. "And you won't let Ford and me name things?"

"Hey, at least I can tell time - you know, like when an hour is up."

McKay grunted. "I can tell time...I was just preoccupied. Besides, if you were so concerned about the time, you could have set your watch alarm." McKay smiled smugly as Sheppard looked at his watch.

"Humph! Wish you'd thought of that last week."

"Look, Major. I know I'm the resident genius here, but even I can't think of everything. You're going to have to pitch in and use your brain occasionally."

"We're here," Sheppard announced as they stepped out of the forest and into a small clearing. The temple looked like something out of the movie "Congo". It was made of large stones covered with thick vines clinging to the surface and draped across the entryway. "Doc, you stay put while we clear the area."

Nick watched as Sheppard, Teyla, and Ford spread out, quickly surveying the area directly around the ruins. McKay began to pile his equipment up by the entrance to the temple. After several minutes, McKay wiped the sweat off his neck and looked around for Sheppard. "Major...could we do this today please. No one's been here in years and I'm bordering on heatstroke."

"Fine, McKay, quit your whining," Sheppard said as he approached the entrance. Nick noted that his P90 never wavered, always alert and pointed ahead. Sheppard carefully poked his head in the temple with McKay hot on his heels.

Nick, anxious to see his first set of temple ruins, found himself crowding along behind them. They stepped into a large interior chamber. He couldn't help but notice the place light up as Sheppard moved inside.

"Ohhh, definitely Ancient," muttered McKay. The three stepped in farther and began to move around the room.

"You know, McKay, the point of me going in first is to check for danger before you come in. If you're only one step behind me, that doesn't give me much time to clear the place," Sheppard lamented.

"Oh, don't get your panties in a wad, Major. This place hasn't seen live people in years. We're perfectly safe here," replied McKay.

"Oh please don't make statements like that." Sheppard frowned at McKay. Ford and Teyla stepped into the temple.

"Major, where would you like us?" asked Ford.

"Why don't you two keep watch outside. Hopefully this won't take long." As they left, Sheppard turned to McKay. "Are you reading anything?"

McKay was looking at a device in his hand. "Oh, yes. Power readings are low, but that could be because it's not running anything but the lights." McKay walked over to a stone pedestal about four feet tall in the center of the room. The top was rectangular, two feet by three feet. On one side was a half dome protruding from the rock facing. McKay touched it, but nothing happened. "Major, could you step over here?"

Sheppard walked over to the pedestal, his P90 finally at rest. "What?" He groaned when he realized what McKay wanted. "Let me guess. You want me to touch it."

"If it's not too much trouble." McKay rolled his eyes at Sheppard's hesitation. Nick had joined them and the three of them stood around the pedestal.

Sheppard rubbed his hands together. "Well, here goes." He reached out and placed his hand on the dome. Immediately, a holographic figure of a woman appeared next to the dome.

"Welcome. This is the temple of Duri." The figure of the elegantly dressed woman began to speak about the settling of the planet and the building of the temple.

"That's Margarissai," commented Sheppard matter of factly. "She went out in the third evacuation set with section four." He looked around to discover the others staring at him in shock. "What? This stuff just kind of pops in my head." He looked back at the hologram, not so much to listen as to try to ignore the way the others were looking at him. Suddenly he felt very weird and odd and wished he'd kept his mouth shut.

The hologram ended with the revelation that the Ancients had left a shield to protect the current inhabitants of the planet. As it turned off, Sheppard turned to McKay. "I thought the life signs detector showed no people."

"It did...or rather didn't...or...no people, Major. And you've probably noticed that there was no shield."

Sheppard looked disappointed. "So does that mean the shield failed or the power source failed or what?"

McKay shrugged his shoulders. "Only one way to find out. Let me work on the text on the pedestal and maybe that will shed some light on where the ZPM is."

Sheppard watched a minute as McKay worked on the text. He leaned forward and dusted off what looked like a small depression in the edge of the pedestal top. "What about this?" He pushed the depression as he asked. A panel lifted out of the rock and automatically slid to the side, revealing a metal door underneath. "Cool," commented Sheppard.

Nick watched all of this in fascination, feeling more and more like he had stepped into a movie. He was beginning to understand why Sheppard had been so anxious to get out of the infirmary and back to duty. McKay and Sheppard looked at one another. There was a red crystal embedded on one side of the metal door. Sheppard reached out and touched it with palm of his hand. Blue light shot out of the crystal and up the Major's arm, propelling him forcefully backward several feet. They heard a distinct grunt as his back slammed into the temple floor.

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 18

"Major!" shouted McKay as Sheppard was hurled backwards across the room. By the time Sheppard hit the floor, Nick and Rodney were already moving in his direction. They kneeled down on either side of the Major, tension evident on their faces.

"Major Sheppard? Can you hear me?" Nick asked. Sheppard's eyes were open, but he looked disoriented.

Sheppard moaned and blinked several times, as if trying to focus on his surroundings. "Gee...that was fun...What'd ya call that ride?"

Nick glanced at McKay for direction, not sure if Sheppard was really confused or just joking around. He quickly got his answer.

"Why don't we let you name that one since you were the first customer," replied McKay. "I know it can't beat the ferris wheel, but that's all we have at the moment."

Sheppard seemed to have brought the world into focus and turned to McKay. "You don't mind if skip the next ride, do you? That whole body slam thing at the end kind of knocked me for a loop."

McKay smiled, at least partially in relief. "Oh, and here I thought you were a man of adventure."

"I don't know **anyone** that adventurous," said Sheppard tiredly. "Help me sit up."

"Not just yet," said Nick, his hand on Sheppard's chest. "I need to check you out before we go to moving you around. Stay put while I get my bag." He stood and moved to retrieve the medical bag at the edge of the room.

Sheppard sighed and looked up at McKay. "You think he brought that stupid penlight?"

McKay laughed. "Oh, I'd bet on it, Major. It'll be just like having Carson along. Just remember, this was **your** idea."

"Great. Thanks for reminding me."

Teyla stepped in the doorway of the temple. "Are you all right in here? We thought we heard someone yell?" Just then she saw Sheppard lying on the floor. "Major, are you all right?"

Nick was near the door, picking up his medical bag. "Major Sheppard's okay, I think. Some kind of a beam shot out of the pedestal and stunned him a bit. I'm about to check him out, but I don't think he's seriously injured."

"I'm fine, Teyla. Go back to your patrol and we should be finished in a few minutes," Sheppard called across the room.

Nick watched Teyla's face as she looked toward Sheppard. He could see the pull of emotions, part of her wanting to go in and check on his condition herself and part of her wanting to obey his orders. She finally tore her gaze away from Sheppard and looked at Nick. "I will trust you to care for him."

Nick nodded, realizing how important that trust was and that it was not easily given. "I'll make sure he's okay."

She nodded, took one last glance at the Major, and turned and left.

Nick arrived with the medical bag and sat down beside Sheppard. "Okay, Major, let's see what we've got." He picked up Sheppard's right wrist and began taking his pulse.

"Uh, Doc...crap!" The slight panic in his voice was hard to miss. Nick and Rodney both looked expectantly at Sheppard.

"What is it, Major?" asked Nick.

"Doc...I can't feel my right arm."

Nick carefully placed Sheppard's arm on the ground. "Can you move your fingers?"

"No I can't move my fingers! How can I move my fingers if I can't feel my arm?"

"Okay...calm down, Major. We'll figure this out." He reached out and grasped Sheppard by the elbow. "Can you feel that?"

"No."

Nick moved up Sheppard's arm an inch at a time, asking Sheppard each time if he could feel anything. Sheppard was becoming more worried with each question. McKay didn't say anything, but it was obvious from his expression that he was becoming increasingly worried as well. Nick had finally worked his way up to Sheppard's shoulder before he got a positive response.

"Okay, I can feel that. It feels kind of...tingly...pins and needles...like when you wake up from a wraith stunner."

Nick thought about that for a minute. "Okay, let me try something." He touched Sheppard's upper arm, just below where Sheppard said he could feel Nick's touch. "Can you feel that?"

"No."

He began massaging the area around Sheppard's shoulder and upper arm. He worked the area for several minutes. leaving both men to wonder what he was doing. He finally stopped. "Just wait a minute." After a minute, he looked down at Sheppard. "Close your eyes, Major." Sheppard closed his eyes. Nick touched Sheppard's upper arm where he had before. "Can you feel that?"

"Yeah...kind of tingly, like my shoulder was a minute ago." Sheppard opened his eyes. "What's going on, Doc?"

Nick smiled. "Well, the good news is that I think you'll be fine in a few minutes. I believe the beam was similar to a wraith stunner, but with a more localized effect. I was massaging the area to increase blood circulation and speed up the recovery process, if indeed that was what was happening."

Sheppard sighed in relief. "Wow. Thanks Doc. I was starting to think of all the things I wouldn't be able to do without my right arm, and the list was frightening."

"You should regain the feeling in your arm in just a little while. How are you otherwise?"

"Fine, just a little bruised. Help me sit up."

"In a minute, Major. What's your rush?"

"I just feel...nervous. Lying on the ground is a very vulnerable position. At least if I'm sitting up, I can be a little better prepared if something happens."

"Are you always on alert?"

"24/7," said McKay. "The man never relaxes, not even when he sleeps...the little bit of time he does sleep. It can be very annoying." McKay paused as he and Sheppard looked at one another. "Of course...it's saved our lives a few times, too."

Sheppard began struggling to sit up. "Okay, guys, I can't lie here another minute. The floor is hard and this is making me a nervous wreck."

Nick finally gave in as he and Rodney helped Sheppard into a sitting position. "Okay, Major, you're sitting up. Now you **will** be still and let me check you out. I promised Carson I would bring you back in one piece and I do not intend to incur the wrath of the Scot."

Sheppard looked at Nick in amazement. "He made me promise to bring **you** back in one piece. Which is why I need to be on alert. I don't want to face that man's wrath either. I've been there a couple of times and I usually end up looking like a pincushion."

"Well, as much as I'd like to stay for the medical exam and report, I need to check on our ZPM," said McKay, standing and stretching his legs out.

"Go Rodney," said Sheppard. "Just be careful what you touch."

"Oh, I will," said McKay as he approached the pedestal. "Hey...your shocking experience was not in vain, Major. That door opened and I can see the ZPM." McKay stood looking down at the pedestal. The metal door beside the crystal that had zapped Sheppard was open and the top of a ZPM was visible inside the cavity.

"Can you get it out?" asked Sheppard. Nick was having a hard time trying to check Sheppard's vital signs with the pilot twisting around trying to see the pedestal and calling across the room to McKay. He was beginning to understand why Carson hated having Sheppard as a patient. It was like wrestling a crocodile in order to give it an exam.

"Major...could you possible sit still a minute?"

Sheppard looked apologetic. "Oh...sorry, Doc." He looked back toward McKay and the pedestal. "Are you listening to me, McKay? Can you get it out?"

"Patience, Major. I'm trying to figure that out without getting myself knocked across the room. Unlike you, I like to look before I leap."

"Ex---cuse me? I believe YOU were the one who told me to touch the crystal. How is it my fault that you didn't know what you were talking about?"

"Oh, I beg to differ, Major. The crystal DID open the door to the ZPM. It's probably something about YOU that made you get zapped...yet again, I might add. Have you noticed a trend of late? You and Ancient technology have a tenuous relationship at best. You never know if it's going to show you neat things or zap you into the mind of a six-year old."

The banter continued as McKay struggled to get the ZPM out of the slot and Nick tried to give Sheppard a thorough exam. He had heard Carson talk about the unusual friendship that had developed between Sheppard and McKay, but he had not had a chance to really see it in action until now. He had seen them watching over each other in the infirmary, worry etched in their face as they held silent vigil, but this was his first real chance to see them outside of that environment. Part of him wanted to laugh at the sometimes playful, sometimes caustic, but always insulting remarks that flew back and forth. And then again, part of him wanted to smack them both firmly in the back of the head. He quickly decided this would get old if you had to listen to it all day every day. Suddenly he had a newfound respect for Ford and Teyla.

Nick didn't realize he had tuned them out until the sudden silence caught his attention. "Hey, Doc," said Sheppard. "I'm getting the feeling back in my hand."

Nick looked down to see Sheppard rubbing his hand and beginning to move his fingers in and out of a fist. "Good. Just keep rubbing and massaging like your doing. Should be okay in no time. Everything else checks out okay. You've got a bit of a bump on the back of your head from the fall, but you didn't lose consciousness, so you should be okay."

"Thanks, Doc. Help me up so I can check on McKay." Nick got up and grabbed Sheppard's arm, helping to pull him to his feet. Sheppard immediately walked over to the pedestal as Nick began packing his gear back in the medical bag.

"How's it going, McKay? Need help?" Just as he reached the pedestal, The ZPM came loose. McKay lurched backwards as the tension he had been pulling against was suddenly released. He crashed into Sheppard and the two men struggled to remain on their feet. After a few seconds of flailing arms and scrambling footwork, they finally regained their balance.

"Geez, McKay. Knock me down again."

"Well, if you had some meat on you, maybe you wouldn't be so easy to knock down. Besides, I didn't actually knock you down. You're still on your feet. By the way...nice catch. Thanks."

"Any time, McKay. Good job on getting the ZPM out. Can you tell if it's charged?"

Nick shook his head at how easily they moved between sarcastic insults, gratitude, and compliments. Strange friendship indeed.

"I need to get it back to the lab. Then I'll know more. But...the energy readings look positive. We may have us a ZPM."

"Why is it a different color than the other one?" asked Sheppard.

McKay looked at the ZPM in confusion. "What do you mean? It's the same color as the other one."

Sheppard shook his head. "No it's not. It's similar...but it's not the same...shade. It definitely looks different."

McKay looked dismayed. "Look, Major...I don't know what you are talking about. I'll just have to show you when we get back to Atlantis. And I'll be sure to add color blindness to your list of deficiencies."

Sheppard remained expressionless. "Whatever. But I'm telling you...that ZPM is different. Pack it up and let's move out."

They gathered their gear and left the temple, picking up Ford and Teyla outside. They took up the same positions for the return to the gate as when they had been heading for the temple, with Sheppard in the front and Ford in the rear. They reached the somewhat clear area around the gate without incident, walking in a somewhat tired silence. Sheppard suddenly stopped and looked up.

"Oh, crap!" he said as the gate activated and two wraith darts flew through. "Wraith! Run for cover and keep out of the path of those beams." Sheppard turned and grabbed Nick by the arm, propelling them both toward the cover of some trees. As a culling beam passed near them, he pushed Nick to the ground to one side and landed on top of him. The beam passed inches from their side.

"You okay, Doc?" he asked.

Nick tried to catch his breath, certain that his stomach was somewhere in his throat. He could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest and it wasn't just from running. He felt wired, distinctly aware of the adrenaline pumping through his veins. "I'm okay, Major. Thanks."

"It's my turn to live up to my promise. We **will **be getting you home in one piece."

Nick had no idea why, but he believed the man. And he felt better for it. Sheppard jumped to his feet and pulled Nick to his feet right behind him. They could hear the whine of the darts overhead as he pushed Nick up to a tree. "Hug that tree, Doc. You are now part of the trunk. And try not to breathe." Sheppard scanned the area, making sure the team was safe. "Stay put unless you have to avoid a beam. I'll be back in a minute."

Sheppard ran to Ford's position with Teyla, a few trees from where he and Nick had been. Nick saw Sheppard take a pack from Ford and pull out what looked like a larger, heavier weapon than the P90. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but he got the idea that Ford didn't want Sheppard to do whatever he had planned. Sheppard talked to Ford for a second, and motioned toward Nick and over toward McKay. Ford didn't look happy, but nodded in agreement. As the Major moved away from them, he saw Teyla put a reassuring hand on Ford's arm and they exchanged a worried look. Nick was beginning to understand the deep level of care and respect each member of this team had for the others, as well as the confidence and loyalty they placed in their commanding officer.

Sheppard ran toward the clearing, the whine of the darts coming closer. As one of them made a run toward Sheppard, the culling bean running along the ground, Sheppard stood firing the weapon at the dart, firm determination on his face. The beam was only a few feet from Sheppard when the beam broke off and the dart began smoking and losing altitude. They watched as it dipped below the treeline and a plume of smoke and fire shot up in the air. They could still hear the other dart in the distance, but it wasn't close enough to see.

"Get to the gate!" yelled Sheppard, motioning the team forward. Ford appeared beside Nick, urging him forward and toward the gate. Sheppard stood his ground, watching the sky until the rest of the team had passed him. McKay dialed the gate as Sheppard backed toward them, gun still trained to the sky. "Hurry! Incoming!" he yelled as the dart appeared just above the treeline, making a beeline for the group.

As the wormhole opened, the group headed for the gate. "Ford, get them out of here!" shouted Sheppard as he stood firm and watched the approaching dart.

Ford pushed Nick ahead of him. "Get through the gate, Doc!" Nick hesitated, taking a last look at his charge as Ford pushed him through the event horizon. Sheppard had started firing at the dart. Teyla pulled McKay through the gate next, followed by Ford. Sheppard continued to fire at the dart until he was sure everyone was through. He then turned and dove through the event horizon just seconds ahead of the dart.

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 19

Elizabeth Weir walked out of her office and into the gateroom. The tech at the console looked up at her. "We're receiving Dr. McKay's IDC."

"Lower the shield."

"We're also receiving a transmission. I'll put it through."

McKay's frantic voice came over the radio. "We're coming in hot, Elizabeth. Be ready to shut it down right behind us!"

"Understood, Rodney," she responded and nodded toward the tech to be sure he was ready.

She made her way to the balcony and leaned nervously against the railing. A second later, Dr. Strauhan stumbled through the gate, almost as though he had been pushed. He quickly moved out of the way as Teyla and McKay ran through the gate. A few seconds later, Ford came through and then they all turned and watched for the last team member. Elizabeth was not even aware of how tightly she was gripping the rail, her knuckles turning white with the tension. Peter Grodin knew. He watched her grip the railing every time this particular team returned from a mission. He also knew the grip wouldn't relax until the last remaining team member made it through the gate. And so she watched and waited.

Nick found himself holding his breath along with the rest of the team, waiting for Sheppard to make it through. Suddenly Sheppard flew through the gate, landing on his side and yelling "Raise the shield!" as he slid across the gateroom floor. Nick watched him twist over onto his back as he slid so that when he stopped moving he was facing the gate, gun trained on the event horizon. The shield went up about the time he stopped moving and they heard a very loud and distinct thud as something hit the shield.

"What was that?" called Elizabeth as she made her way down the stairs.

"A wraith dart," replied McKay, panting heavily.

As Sheppard started to get to his feet, Nick extended a hand. Sheppard smiled and accepted the hand, using its leverage to help him get to his feet. "Thanks, Doc. Guess we both kept our promise. Carson might even let you come out to play again sometime...if you still want to."

Nick nodded. "I guess we did at that. That was definitely different than your standard day in the infirmary. I think I'm beginning to get an idea of why you were so anxious to get back out there. Oh...and...thank you, Major."

"Right back at you," said Sheppard. They made their way over to where the rest of the team stood with Dr. Weir.

Elizabeth nodded at Sheppard as he joined them. "Glad you made it back in one piece, Major. Where did the wraith come from? How did they know you were there?"

"They appeared just as we were returning to the gate. I do not know how they knew of our presence on the planet," said Teyla.

Elizabeth looked at McKay and Sheppard. "Either of you got any ideas?"

"No clue," said McKay. "Maybe they had something set up in the temple to warn them of an Ancient presence and Sheppard activated it. He certainly activated the rest of the place."

"Random chance?" offered Ford. "Maybe they just picked that moment to check the planet out."

"It's certainly possible," said Weir. "Major, did you notice anything unusual?"

"You mean like when I activated Teyla's necklace? No...no random jewelry on the floor. I just noticed the light and the stuff on the pedestal we activated to get the ZPM." Sheppard shot McKay a warning glance about saying more.

Elizabeth nodded. "So...I'm almost afraid to ask...did you get a..."

McKay grinned from ear to ear as he pulled the ZPM out of his backpack. "Ta-Da! One ZPM!"

Elizabeth's eyes lit up. "You actually got one? We've been so close so many times...I was almost afraid to hope...you actually found one. Is it charged?"

"I don't know yet. I'll have to test it but...the energy readings look pretty good. I need to get this to the lab."

"No, first you all see Carson. Peter can have the ZPM delivered to your lab."

McKay started to protest, but Weir held up her hand. "No, Rodney, you know the drill. You get cleared by Carson first and then you can test the ZPM. We've waited this long, we can wait a few more minutes."

"Just be sure you figure out why that thing is a different color, cause that's really bothering me," said Sheppard.

Elizabeth looked from Sheppard to McKay. "What's he talking about?"

McKay rolled his eyes. "He thinks this ZPM is a different color than the other one."

Elizabeth scrutinized the ZPM in McKay's hand. "It looks the same to me."

Sheppard gasped. "You've got to be kidding me. It is obviously a different color...why can't any of you see that? What's wrong with everyone?"

McKay stared at him. "Major...perhaps you've noticed that you are the only one who thinks this thing is the wrong color. That probably means there is something wrong with you and not with everyone else. Maybe that thing messed up your color vision when it zapped you."

Elizabeth looked up. "You got zapped?"

Sheppard opened his mouth to reassure her, but McKay wasn't finished. "You know, you slammed into the ground pretty hard, too, and I heard the Doc say you had a knot on your head. Maybe you have a concussion or something."

"You hit your head? John, maybe you should get to the infirmary," Elizabeth said, worry in her voice.

Sheppard was really getting aggravated now. "I'm fine Elizabeth!" He turned to McKay. "I do NOT have a concussion and even if I did, it wouldn't make me see strange colors. I'm telling you there is something weird about that ZPM! We are not putting that in Atlantis until it is thoroughly tested in every way possible."

"John, I want you to calm down and get to the infirmary right now. The ZPM will be thoroughly tested before we do anything with it, I assure you." Elizabeth put her hand on his arm and looked up into his eyes. "John...go see Carson."

Sheppard took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm going." Nick came up behind him and put a hand on Sheppard's shoulder.

"Come on, Major. Let's go show Carson we both kept our promise." Sheppard's expression relaxed a little and he joined Nick as they walked down the hall toward the infirmary.

Elizabeth looked at McKay, worry in her face. "He seems pretty upset. Is it possible there is something wrong with the ZPM?"

McKay shrugged. "Of course it's possible. I just don't happen to think he's right. But don't worry, Elizabeth. I'll run every test we have before we do anything with it."

Elizabeth nodded. "Okay. You better get to the infirmary before Carson sends out a search party."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Nick watched as everyone received their post mission check, including him for the first time. Beckett saved Sheppard for last since Nick had filled him in on the events of the trip, leading him to believe the Major would take the longest. Sheppard sat silently on the exam bed, waiting his turn. Most of the time he seemed lost in his own thoughts, but Nick noticed he would tune in and listen intently each time Beckett gave his patient their final verdict. Sheppard was quietly watching over his flock from the sidelines.

Nick also noticed the return favor. By now, Teyla and Ford had heard from Rodney the events that had transpired in the temple. Even after everyone was cleared, no one left the infirmary. They were obviously lurking around waiting to make sure Sheppard was really okay. They stood at the edge of the room talking quietly, stealing looks as Beckett examined Sheppard. They watched as Beckett checked the bump on Sheppard's head and made him remove his shirt so he could check his back and ribs. They watched as he had the Major move his right arm, hand, and fingers so he could check the range of motion in the previously paralyzed limb. He noticed that somewhere along the way, McKay had begun to edge closer to the bed and was listening intently.

"...fingers are still a little tingly, but nothing else." Sheppard watched his hand as he wiggled his fingers.

"Okay," said Beckett. "I'll give you some Tylenol for the bruises and the headache. Let me know if you experience any dizziness or nausea or if you have any additional numbness in your arm."

McKay stepped up closer. "So...he doesn't have a concussion?"

"No, just a little bump. He's fine."

"See McKay. I'm fine. I told you I didn't have a concussion. And there's nothing wrong with my vision."

Beckett looked confused. "Why did you think there was something wrong with his vision?"

"Because he keeps insisting that the ZPM we found is a different color than the other one, but it looks the same to everyone else," explained McKay.

"I keep insisting because it IS a different color." Sheppard pushed off the table. "Can I go Doc? I think my headache is getting worse."

Beckett turned around and picked up a small bottle of Tylenol, handing it to Sheppard. "Okay, Major. You're free to go."

Sheppard and McKay walked out the door together, still arguing, but the anger from before now dissipated. Ford and Teyla looked at one another and shrugged their shoulders before following the pair out the door. Nick walked over and stood by Beckett as they listened to the receding voices.

"What makes you think you are qualified to determine anything about the value or quality of a ZPM anyway? What is the title in front of my name? That's DR. McKay. And you are...MAJOR Sheppard. And the title Major means you know sooooo much about ZPMs."

"I don't have to have a doctorate to know my colors, McKay. I think I picked that one up in kindergarten."

"I'm just saying..."

Nick looked over at Carson. "I have to admit... This has been an interesting day."

Carson smiled. "Oh, I'll just bet."

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"Well?" asked Sheppard.

McKay watched the computer screen for a few more seconds before turning to Sheppard. He had been testing the ZPM for three days. "That was the last test and it still comes back as being okay. It's almost seventy percent charged, Major. Do you know the implications of that? We can run the central control chair with it. We'll have access to all kinds of things we couldn't use before, including the shield."

Sheppard nodded, but he still looked uncertain. "That's great, McKay."

"You don't sound very happy. Look...I know you think the color is off. I've looked at it in every possible light and I just don't see it. I've held it up to the one we have and had other people look at it. No one sees a color difference but you...I'm sorry...but you're wrong on this one."

Sheppard rubbed the side of his face. "I don't know...maybe I'm just tired...maybe I'm paranoid...maybe I did hit my head too hard. You win McKay. Let's tell Elizabeth."

"No...we all win, Major."

Sheppard nodded. "Yeah...we all win." As they headed for Elizabeth's office to share the good news, Sheppard found it hard to ignore the tightening in his gut. McKay said the ZPM tested out okay, but ever increasing tension in his body was telling him otherwise. The ZPM could make their lives a lot easier and probably would be their salvation in case of a wraith attack. He couldn't stop the installation on his gut feeling that something was very wrong - especially when that feeling was based on a color difference that only he could see. Hopefully he was just being paranoid. If everything actually turned out to be okay, he just might grace Heightmeyer with a visit. No one should be this paranoid, not even him.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Sheppard paced nervously back and forth, occasionally stopping to look at the control chair. They were preparing to install the ZPM and part of him was terrified. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with the ZPM, no matter how much Rodney tried to convince him otherwise. Ford and Teyla were standing in the corner watching him. He knew they were wondering about his sanity about now. He was starting to question it himself. But he'd agreed to go through with the installation and he would honor his word.

They had discovered that the power source for the chair installed in the room next door, so McKay and Zelenka were in there preparing. Sheppard was to be in the chair room with Ford. Teyla would move to the power room when they were ready to go, so that Ford and Teyla could relay messages back and forth between the two rooms. Elizabeth had insisted on medical support in case it was needed, so both Nick and Carson, along with two nurses were in the corridor with gurneys and medical supplies. Apparently Sheppard's unease had her spooked enough to prepare for a worse case scenario.

Sheppard walked over and stood by the chair. He knew it was almost time. Suddenly Atlantis was at his side.

"Where have you been? I've been sending you messages...or thoughts...or whatever for three days. I needed to talk to you." Sheppard wasn't sure whether to be relieved she was finally here or to be angry that it took her so long to come.

"I am sorry, John. One of your scientists crashed part of my systems accidently...a Dr. Kavanagh...and Dr. Zelenka was helping me do repairs. I was deep in the system to do repairs and I had to disconnect some of my sensors. I was unaware of your calls until just a short time ago."

"Oh...well...that's okay. I just really needed to see you. We found a ZPM."

Atlantis looked at him quizzically. "What is a...ZPM?"

"Oh...sorry...it's what we call the power source for the chair. We found one and we're getting ready to install it."

Atlantis's face brightened. "That is wonderful. You will be able to awaken much of the city and you will have the means to protect it. But...I sense you are troubled. Is this what you needed to see me about?"

"Yes...I think there is a problem with the ZPM. Rodney has tested it every way we know how though, and he hasn't been able to find anything wrong with it. I guess I just wanted to talk to you about it. But...it's too late now. Rodney's getting ready to install it in the next few minutes."

"John, if you think there is something wrong, you should stop it."

Sheppard took a long, deep breath. "No. McKay's right. The only thing left to do is hook it up and see if it works. He's run every test possible. It doesn't make sense to refuse to use it just because I think the color looks off. I just hope he's right and I've gotten a little too paranoid."

"As you wish. I am here to serve you and the people of Atlantis. Do you know how to initialize the chair functions once the power source has been installed?"

"Yeah, I know what to do. Where will you be?"

"It is good that I arrived before you began installation. I must take care of some things internally to help reactivate the chair functions. I will be able to assist you from there. We should be able to communicate freely during the process so that I may assist you and offer guidance if needed."

"Okay. I have to admit, I feel better now. I was a little worried about doing this by myself, especially with my doubts about the ZPM."

"I will be with you, John. If you have questions, you need only think about them and I will be there. I will talk to you later to report the status of the chair and what functions are on line."

"Thanks. I'll see you later." Atlantis disappeared.

"Major Sheppard?" Sheppard looked over at Teyla, who was beginning to move toward the door. "They are ready. Dr. McKay said you should get in the chair now. I am on my way to the power room." Sheppard nodded at her as she left the room.

"You ready for this, sir?" asked Ford.

"Ready as I'll ever be, Lt. Just keep me informed on what's going on." Sheppard sat in the chair and waited.

Teyla walked into the power room, where McKay and Zelenka waited with the ZPM. "I will tell them," she said into her radio. She looked over to the two scientists. "Lt. Ford said that Major Sheppard is in the chair and ready to begin."

"Fine," said McKay. "Okay...let's do this." He picked up the ZPM and held it over the empty compartment where the old ZPM had been removed. Zelenka kept an eye on the information on the screen of the connected laptop. McKay carefully lined up the ZPM and clicked the power source into place, causing it to immediately light up. "Yes!" he said and grinned excitedly at Zelenka.

In the other room, the chair Sheppard was sitting in lit up and leaned back, indicating it had been activated. Sheppard closed his eyes and began concentrating on the first steps of initiating the chair. Nick and Carson stood in the doorway watching. Several seconds later, Sheppard's body tensed up and his eyes flashed open. "Ford!" he yelled. "Tell them to pull the ZPM. Something's wrong...McKay...pull it, McKay...for God's sake pull the ZPM!"

"Teyla!" Ford shouted into his radio. "Tell them to pull the ZPM. Something's happening to Major Sheppard. Get the ZPM out." Ford watched as Sheppard's face contorted in pain and his back arched up off the back of the chair.

"Atlantis!" Sheppard yelled, hearing her screams in his head as he lost consciousness. Beckett and Strauhan had moved into the room by now and were approaching Sheppard when his eyes rolled back in his head and his body began convulsing.

"He's having a seizure. Help me hold him!" yelled Beckett. All three men held Sheppard as his body convulsed violently for several minutes. When he suddenly went limp, Beckett quickly put his fingers to Sheppard's throat and leaned down toward his chest. He straightened quickly. "He's in respiratory and cardiac arrest. Help me get him on the floor."

They quickly moved Sheppard's limp form to the floor. The nurses were there with the medical equipment. Working like a well-oiled machine, Beckett began chest compressions while one of the nurse placed a mask over Sheppard's face and began squeezing the attached bag, pushing air into his lungs. Strauhan grabbed the defibrillator and began charging it. Now that the medical staff had taken over, Ford called Teyla on the radio and reported what had happened.

In the power room, Zelenka and McKay were having their own problems. They had immediately begun trying to remove the ZPM as soon as Teyla relayed the message that Sheppard was in trouble. Problem was, that the thing wouldn't budge. It seemed to be stuck. Eventually, both Zelenka and McKay were pulling frantically on the power source, trying to force it loose. A little while after Teyla reported that Sheppard was in cardiac arrest, the ZPM began to make a low humming noise. McKay was desperate to get next door and see about the Major, but he couldn't leave the ZPM because it sounded like it was overloading.

"Zelenka...you and Teyla get out of here! I've got it!" McKay shouted.

"No, you don't Rodney. I"m not going anywhere." The two men continued to struggle as the humming gave way to a much higher pitched whining.

"Teyla...get out of here. There's nothing you can do and this thing is liable to blow any minute. Go check on the Major for me."

"Are you certain that I may not assist you?"

"You can assist me by getting out of here so I can stop worrying about you and concentrate on getting this thing out of here." Teyla paused a few seconds and then turned and left.

When she entered the chair room, she walked over to stand by Ford, her eyes drawn to the drama on the floor. Sheppard lay on the floor, his shirt cut open and heart monitor leads attached to his chest. A nurse was pumping air into his lungs. She paused and leaned back away from Sheppard when Nick called, "It's charged." Beckett leaned forward and placed the paddles against Sheppard's chest. They watched Sheppard arch up off the floor as Beckett discharged the paddles. All eyes went to the monitor, which did not show any change from the relatively flat line and the high pitched whine.

Teyla was unaware of what she was doing as she leaned in close to Ford, seeking comfort from the fight being waged before them. Ford put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her in close, also seeking comfort from the fear beginning to clutch his gut. They watched for several more minutes as the doctors alternately shocked Sheppard, did chest compressions, and injected things either into the IV port or directly into his chest. Nothing seemed to have any effect.

In the power room, the whine from the ZPM had become loud and annoying. McKay elbowed Zelenka away from the power source. "Radek...get out of here. That's an order."

"We are not military. You cannot order me out," said Zelenka stubbornly.

"I am the head of the science department though, so I **can** order you out. OUT Radek...I'm not kidding. I'm right behind you." Just then, the ZPM came loose. The two men looked at each other in panic as they realized the ZPM was still whining. "Run, Radek!" yelled McKay. Zelenka ran for the door as McKay threw the ZPM to the far corner of the room and also ran. Zelenka was in the doorway with McKay about halfway there when the explosion shook that whole section of Atlantis.

As the area shook, pieces of ceiling began coming down on the medical staff still working to save Sheppard. Beckett and Strauhan both instinctively leaned over Sheppard to protect him from falling debris, while Ford tried to cover Teyla. When the shower of structural materials was over, they straightened up.

"What in the bloody heck was that?" asked Beckett, the frustration of the losing battle showing in his face. Ford and Teyla realized there had been an explosion and instantly knew where it had to have come from. They were moving toward the door when Zelenka, covered in dust, blood, and bits of debris staggered in from the hall.

"Explosion...Rodney...trapped." Ford and Teyla each took one of Zelenka's arms and helped him sit down against the wall.

"We'll find Dr. McKay," said Teyla. She and Ford ran out the door and down the hall.

"Go Carson!" said Nick. "I'll keep working here." They looked at one another for a second, their eyes carrying on a whole conversation. They both knew Sheppard had been down too long and there was very little hope of bringing him back. McKay's condition was unknown. He might still stand a chance of being saved. Beckett finally nodded. "Take care of him, Nick."

Nick nodded sadly, knowing there wasn't much else he could do. Beckett looked down at Sheppard. "I'm sorry, lad," he whispered. He got up and headed out the door as Nick resumed chest compressions and the nurse charged the defibrillator.

Beckett joined Ford and Teyla digging through the rubble in the power room. They dug for several minutes before they had any success. "I found him!" yelled Ford. Beckett and Teyla made their way to where Ford was. Beckett could see a hand amidst the rubble. They dug frantically, throwing pieces of wall and ceiling and who knows what else aside as they unearthed McKay. When the upper part of his body was uncovered, Beckett leaned over him for a minute while Teyla and Ford stood nervously waiting.

"He's got a pulse. It's weak, but he's got one. Get the gurney in here while I check for broken bones." The relief in Beckett's voice translated into regular breathing for Ford and Teyla. They quickly made their way to the hall and grabbed one of the gurneys, wheeling it into the room as far as the rubble would allow. They then went about trying to move McKay without injuring him further.

Nick turned to the nurse recharging the defibrillator and reached for the paddles. "Okay, let's try again."

The nurse hesitated. "Doctor...it's been over thirty minutes...there hasn't been any response...maybe we should let him go."

Nick let his arms fall to his sides. He looked at the nurse that had been squeezing air into Sheppard's lungs all this time. She looked down at the mask on Sheppard's face, still pushing the air, refusing to meet his gaze. He looked at Sheppard's still form and thought of the man pushing him out of the way of the wraith beam and saving his life just a few days before. He'd known for several minutes it was hopeless, but he just couldn't bring himself to stop trying. He couldn't face telling his team that he hadn't been able to save their CO...and their friend.

"Stop." He watched the nurse slowly remove the mask from the Major's face. "I'm sorry, Major. Guess I wasn't able to keep my promise after all."

TBC

Two words of advice: don't panic.


	20. Chapter 20

Many, many thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I have no idea how this got so long. I just keep thinking of new things and sticking them in. Hope I haven't worn you out. I probably shouldn't have warned you not to panic, but I didn't want to get murdered in my sleep before I had a chance to finish this (okay, so I'm a coward).

Once again, thank you to rogue1503 for her loan of Dr. Nick Strauhan. I've taken a few liberties with him over the last few chapters, but she said she didn't mind. I also need to thank her for posting the last two chapters for me. My computer will not let me post stories right now and I can't figure out why. So Kathy - BIG, BIG THANK YOU!

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 20

Elizabeth had wanted to be kept in the loop surrounding events of the ZPM installation, so she was monitoring the communication relays between the power room and the chair room from the control room. They heard when Teyla reported that Sheppard was in the chair and ready. They heard Ford's frantic calls for McKay to remove the ZPM. A few minutes later, everyone in the control room heard Ford tell Teyla that Sheppard was in cardiac and respiratory arrest. As Elizabeth made her way to a console to lean against, her legs suddenly beginning to shake, they lost all power. Lights went out and consoles went dark.

"What's going on?" she yelled.

"We don't know...everything just went dark," responded one of the techs. She could hear him frantically working on the console in the dark, trying to get it to come on again. Flashlights suddenly began to come on. Stationing them around the room at various sites had been one of their better ideas.

"What about the gate?" A moment of silence punctuated the answer she already knew was coming.

"We have no gate control. We can't dial out and we don't have shield functions right now either."

"Can anyone dial in?" she asked fearfully.

"I'm not sure ma'am."

Just then, there was a low rumble and the floor trembled, almost like it would in a violent thunderstorm. Elizabeth looked around cautiously. "What was that?" No one answered. A few minutes later, she got her answer.

"Dr. Weir?" Ford's voice, excited and out of breath, filled the radio. "Dr. McKay and Dr. Zelenka were removing the ZPM and it exploded. Dr. Zelenka has some minor injuries, but Dr. McKay is trapped in the rubble. We need back up support and more medical personnel, on the double. We're on our way to try and dig him out right now."

"Understood, Lt., help is on the way. What about Major Sheppard?"

A few awkward moments of silence followed. "Dr. Strauhan's still trying, ma'am." The sadness in his voice spoke volumes to her about how the efforts were going. She felt her heart make a leap to her throat. No. She had to keep her mind focused. She immediately called for reinforcements from the military and medical personnel to help with the rescue efforts. She spent the next twenty minutes or so pacing around the control room, directing questions to the techs about what was happening.

"We need Dr. McKay...or maybe Dr. Zelenka to have any prayer of figuring this out," said one of the techs to her, deciding it was time to be honest about the situation.

"Well, ...they are currently unavailable...just do what you can."

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Once they had McKay safely on the gurney, they moved him out in the hall where the falling dust and bits of ceiling wasn't quite so thick. They were startled at the contrast between the bright red blood oozing from a gash on his head and the paleness of his face, which was covered in a thin layer of white dust from the debris. It made him look like a bleeding ghost and gave them all a bit of a shock. It hadn't been so noticeable in the darkened room. But the hall, with several windows down the side, was quite a bit brighter. Beckett looked back into the room and then down the hall.

"The lights are out," he said as he moved in beside McKay and began tending his head wound.

Ford looked around. "He's right. I barely noticed before...guess we were...preoccupied."

Within a few minutes, Beckett had McKay stable enough to move. They had just started moving down the corridor, when more medical personnel met them. Beckett handed over the gurney and instructed them to get McKay up to the infirmary immediately. "I'll be along in a minute. I've got to check on Major Sheppard first." As McKay was wheeled away, they saw two people helping Zelenka down the corridor as well. The three of them entered the chair room just in time to hear Nick tell the nurse with the ambu bag to stop and then apologize to Sheppard. Ford and Teyla felt like someone had just sucker punched them, the joy of finding McKay alive now muted with the death of their CO.

As Ford's radio came to life, he stepped back into the hall, the sudden noise seeming somehow irreverent in the otherwise silent room. "Lt. Ford, what's going on?" asked Elizabeth

"We have successfully extracted Dr. McKay from the rubble. He's stable and on the way to the infirmary."

"That's good news," replied Elizabeth, the relief evident in her voice. "How's Major Sheppard?"

The brief pause was almost painful. "No...no ma'am...I'm sorry." Elizabeth could hear the raw grief in his voice and she wasn't sure she would be able to respond. She closed her eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Understood. Thank you Lt." She stood lost and swaying for a moment before she felt a strong arm around her shoulder and a hand on her arm. She opened her eyes to Peter.

"Dr. Weir...why don't you take a moment in your office. We can handle things out here." She nodded, grateful for his silent support as he walked her to her office. She leaned against the door frame.

"Thank you," she said simply. She closed the door and sat in the nearest chair. She was too numb to cry, her emotions caught up in a black hole that was sucking her dry, leaving an empty void in their place.

----------------------------------------------------

Beckett started to step forward, his eyes on Sheppard's limp, lifeless form when a blinding pain flashed through his head, right behind his eyes.

"_Dr. Beckett...you must not let him die." _The voice in his head was so soft and weak he could barely hear it.

_"It's too late...he's already gone."_

_"No...I can lead him back...but you...must help him return...It's not too late."_

_"Atlantis?"_ The voice was gone and the pain faded back. It was still there, but not so sharp.

"Carson! Carson, can you hear me? Say something." Beckett opened his eyes. He was on his knees bent over with his head in his hands, leaning against the floor. He sat up, feeling hands support his shoulders and back. Nick was on one side of him, with Teyla and Ford on the other. He realized what had happened and began trying to stand.

"We have to hurry. I don't think we have much time. How long has he been without oxygen? Get that mask back on and start bagging him. Charge the paddles and get that monitor back on. And let go of me, Nick."

Nick was pulling at Beckett's arm as he tried to move toward Sheppard. Beckett couldn't miss the dispair and pain in the man's eyes and face. "Carson, he's gone. Don't do this."

"No...Atlantis...she can still lead him back, she said. There's a chance we can still get him back. Just help me and if it doesn't work, you can lock me up in a padded room later. Do you really want to stand there if there's a chance we can save him?"

Nick let go and began moving toward Sheppard. "What do you want me to do?"

Beckett began chest compressions. "Charge the defibrillator and turn the monitor back on. How long was he without oxygen?"

Nick looked at his watch. "Not long, we had just quit when you came in... two...maybe three minutes."

Teyla and Ford watched as Beckett continued chest compressions until the defibrillator was charged. Beckett then discharged the paddles. The monitor showed a brief handful of blips before returning to a basically flat line. A few seconds later, Beckett tried again and this time was rewarded with a heartbeat. Although all of them had hoped to some degree that Sheppard's heart would start, no one had really believed it would...except, perhaps, for Beckett. Everyone was stunned when the monitor alarm silenced to be replaced by the semi-regular beeping of a beating heart.

Beckett and Strauhan launched into getting Sheppard ready to transport. Beckett decided to intubate Sheppard before the move, since he still wasn't breathing on his own. After inserting the endotrachial tube, they connected the ambu bag directly to the tube. Beckett wanted to be sure he was getting plenty of oxygen, still worried about possible brain damage from the length of time it took them to start his heart. Once he felt sure they had done everything they could, they loaded him on the gurney and headed for the infirmary, the nurse still sqeezing the bag and pushing air into Sheppard's lungs.

Teyla looked up at Ford, the fear and shock that she felt mirrored in his face. "We should contact Dr. Weir. She will want to know about Major Sheppard."

Ford nodded, still looking somewhat confused. "Oh...yeah.." He tapped his radio button. "Dr. Weir, this is Lt. Ford. There's been a ...development."

Her voice came through in a moment, somewhat hollow and vacant. "What kind of development?"

"Ma'am...I'm not sure how...but Dr. Beckett and Dr. Strauhan managed to...get Major Sheppard back. He's on his way to the infirmary."

The silence that followed began to make Ford think she hadn't heard him. He was about to call back and ask her just that when she finally responded. "Say again?" He could hear the hope mixed with apprehension in her voice and he understood it completely.

"The Major's alive, Dr. Weir. He's on his way to the infirmary."

Elizabeth was positive if the radio had not been attached to her head, she would have dropped it. In the middle of trying to figure out how she and Atlantis would survive without Sheppard, he was alive again. She was almost afraid to believe what she was hearing.

"Thank you, Lt." she managed to get out. She took a deep breath and regained control. "Do we know what caused the explosion yet?"

"No ma'am. I'm sure we'll need to dig through the rubble for a while to try and figure that one out. Dr. McKay was still unconscious when they took him up. He might know what happened. We haven't really had time to talk to Dr. Zelenka yet. I can head up there now and see what I can find out."

"Okay. I'm heading for the infirmary myself. I meet you there in a few minutes." Elizabeth leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. Before she could walk to the infirmary, she had to get her legs working again.

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It was actually over an hour before Elizabeth made her way to the infirmary. Between questions from the control room techs, the scientists who had come to help, and various personnel radioing in, she simply could not go more than two steps without being stopped. She finally made her way close enough to the edge of the room that she could dart out between inquiries. She moved as fast as she dared down the darkened hallways until she finally reached the infirmary. Once she reached the door, she stopped. She found she was afraid to go in. She stood there several minutes, working up her nerve and finally stepped across the threshold.

The infirmary had emergency power in operation, so the room had lights, albeit dim lights. She immediately spotted Carson standing at the foot of a bed, making notes on a chart. She knew it was Sheppard's bed. It was surrounded by machines. She slowly made her way over to stand beside the doctor.

"Carson...how is he?"

Beckett stopped writing and looked up at Sheppard a moment before answering. Elizabeth found herself looking the Major over as well, trying to determine just how bad it really was. Heart monitor sporting what seemed to be an irregular pattern, ventilator, IV, and other assorted tubes and wires snaking in and out from under the covers pretty much told the story. The clencher, however, was his face. Elizabeth had seen Sheppard looking like this before, usually with telltale scrapes, bruises, and cuts on just about every exposed skin surface. There were no injuries or marks this time. Just the deathly pallor and the stillness of his form. She couldn't help but think if the machines weren't telling her otherwise, she would think he was dead.

"Lass...I don't know what to tell you. We're managing to keep him alive...and that's about all."

"What happened down there?"

"I'm not sure. Apparently there was something wrong with the ZPM. When Rodney hooked it up, it went through Atlantis's systems and then through the chair to Sheppard. I'm not sure how, but it's as if it just shut all his systems down...almost like it's shut Atlantis's systems down. It's probably going to take Rodney and Zelenka working together to figure out exactly what happened."

"I should have listened to him. He tried to tell us there was something wrong, but we were so excited with the prosepect of a charged ZPM..."

"Now, Elizabeth. It's not like you didn't take all precautions. Rodney ran every test he could think of on the thing. Which leads me to believe this was not an accident. It's beginning to look like it was booby-trapped. You could not have anticipated that...none of us could."

"Is he going to be all right?" She held her breath, almost afraid to hear the answer. The long sigh Carson let out did nothing to make her feel better.

"I don't know. We'll do all that we can, but...we can't..." Beckett turned to face her and put his hands on her shoulders. "I'm going to be honest with you because I think you deserve that much. It doesn't look good and I don't think you should get your hopes up too much. His systems are barely functioning and there's a possibility of brain damage. I'll do an EEG later to give me a better idea. I just don't want you to expect too much."

"Why is he alive, Carson? Ford called me and told me he was...dead. Then, a few minutes later, he's alive again. What happened?"

"We tried to bring him back for quite a while. He was dead. Nick had just pronounced him and...Atlantis. I could hear her in my head...kind of like what the Major was experiencing there for a while. She told me she could lead him back and for us to keep trying...so we did."

"Have you heard from her since that?"

"No...and believe me, I've tried. I wanted to ask her if there was anything else I could do for him, but nothing. When she spoke...she was weak, almost as if she was injured. I'm afraid whatever that ZPM did to the systems is affecting her as well. Elizabeth...we may lose both of them."

Elizabeth felt the knot tighten in her stomach. This was quickly shaping up to be the worst day in her life. "What about Rodney? How is he?"

The tension in Beckett's face eased a bit. "Rodney's going to be fine. He's broken his arm..."

"Stop that! Will you let me go? Don't you understand, I've got to get out of here, unless you want to live like this? Of course, maybe you like that whole, darkness of a cave ambiance thing you guys have going here." Beckett and Weir made their way over to the bed where all the noise was coming from. They were greeted by the sight of Rodney and a nurse struggling, just moments away from one of them throwing blows. Elizabeth's money was on the nurse.

"Rodney," Beckett intercepted. "What do you bloody well think you're doin'? Lay back down, man. You have a concussion."

Fighting both Carson and the nurse apparently took too much energy, because after a moment,Rodney lay back against the pillows. Elizabeth noted his left arm in a cast and the heavy bandaging around his head. He looked pale and small scratches and scrapes were sprinkled across his face, neck, and arms. He closed his eyes a moment, obviously fighting pain, exhaustion, or both.

"That's better," said Carson, checking the IV line to make sure it was still okay after the scuffle. "Rodney, you have a pretty bad concussion, a broken arm, several cracked ribs, and lots of stitches. You're not moving from this spot. Now just settle down."

"But Carson, I have to help Atlantis. That ZPM did something. I'm not sure if it was a virus or what...but it uploaded something into Atlantis's systems. The whole thing was a trick...it had to be. If that actually been a charged ZPM that overloaded, we'd all be dead. Half of Atlantis would be gone. I need to find what's left and get it to the lab. I need to get into Atlantis's systems and see what's happened. How many systems are down, Elizabeth?"

Elizabeth looked to Beckett to see if she should tell McKay what was going on. Beckett put his hand on McKay's arm. "Rodney, you've received some pretty serious injuries. You need to rest. It'll all still be there tomorrow."

McKay looked at Beckett in disbelief. "And you actually think I can just lay back and rest not knowing what's going on with Atlantis? You don't know me very well, do you Carson."

Carson rubbed his eyes, his headache beginning to flare. "You might as well fill him in or he's going to drive us all to an early grave."

"Well, in a nutshell, we've lost all of Atlantis's systems. We have some backup emergency power to the infirmary because we set it up to run outside of the normal systems as a precaution against just this sort of thing. When I left the control room, they were about to set up some emergency lighting in there. That's all we have."

McKay looked thoughtful. "There's got to be something in Atlantis's running systems, because we should still be able to get power from the original ZPM and the Naqueda generators. I need to have a look at it."

"Tomorrow...maybe," said Beckett.

"No...I can't stay here and do nothing...look, I'll be careful and move slowly. Carson, I HAVE to go...I can't explain it but I feel this sense of urgency. I keep thinking I have to hurry or...or...I'm not sure what. I just feel like..." McKay suddenly looked up, fear on his face. "Sheppard...what happened to Sheppard?"

Beckett glanced at Elizabeth and then back at McKay. "Rodney...he's not good. We're just barely keeping him alive."

McKay swallowed hard. "Oh...Carson, I've got to get to work. What if I make sure I have someone with me all the time. If I pass out, they can call you. I HAVE to get to work."

"I can watch him, Dr. Beckett." They turned to see Dr. Zelenka walking up. Much like McKay, his face and hands were covered with small scratches and scrapes and his hair was frosted with white dust. "I would be happy to assist Dr. McKay in repairing Atlantis and also keep an eye on him for you."

Beckett looked unhappy and was beginning to feel ganged up on. Elizabeth didn't help much. "Carson...if you think he would be okay, we really could use him. The gate is down and we have two teams off world. The shield is inoperative and we don't know if the wraith or Genii could dial in right now. I really need his help."

Beckett sighed and stood thinking a minute. "This is against my better judgement and only under certain conditions. Rodney is not to be left alone for an instant. Let me know of severe headache or dizziness or nausea. When you finally decide to get some sleep, you return here so we can check you every two hours or so. And take it easy on those ribs. You're going to be sore for a while."

McKay breathed an audible sigh of relief. "Thank you Carson. This is important. I can't really explain why just yet. But we have to get Atlantis back on her feet as soon as possible." Beckett removed the IV and placed a bandaid on the puncture wound. He and the nurse helped McKay to his feet. He swayed for a minute and they continued to hold his arms, steadying him. After a minute, he gently shook them off. "Okay...I got it now." He very slowly shuffled forward.

"Let's get some clean clothes first, Radek. This dust is starting to itch."

"My thoughts exactly," the shorter scientist replied. They paused a minute at the foot of Sheppard's bed, watching the rise and fall of his chest. "Hang in there, Major. Guess your color vision wasn't so far off after all."

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The next two days, McKay and Zelenka worked on repairing Atlantis's systems. Beckett kept finding McKay and making him sit for a check-up periodically, much to McKay's annoyance. After the first day, Beckett had practically drug McKay back to the infirmary and made him get a few hours of sleep. After a few hours, McKay woke to find Beckett dozing in his office and snuck out of the infirmary and back to work. Beckett threatened to give him an enema if he didn't return to the infirmary, but McKay finally convinced him he would sleep a week once he got the city back up. Beckett finally just gave up and hoped McKay didn't work himself into a coma. One person in a coma at a time, please.

Beckett walked up to Sheppard's bed to find Nick standing there, looking at Sheppard's chart. It was early evening and it had been almost 56 hours since the explosion. "How's he doin'?"

Nick didn't say anything. He simply handed the chart to Beckett, who looked it over. Beckett sighed. "I'll call Elizabeth. She'll need to contact his team." He placed his hand on Nick's shoulder. Nick flinched.

"He saved my life, Carson. I know I'm supposed to be military, but I'm not...not really. Not like he is. He's...he's so amazing at what he does. I guess that's the first time I've ever been on a mission with anyone. I never really understood what was involved. The adrenaline rush was...I've never experienced anything like it. I just...feel like I got to see another side of him besides what we get in here. And I was impressed. He's a really good leader."

Carson smiled. "I know. It's different out there. I sometimes have to remind myself of what they are like out there to keep from smacking them when they are in here."

Nick grinned back at him...but it was a sad grin. "Yeah...two different worlds." He looked down sadly at Sheppard. "I don't think I can do this again."

"You have to...for them. It's our job."

Nick nodded. "Some days this job sucks."

"Aye...that it does, lad. I'll call Elizabeth."

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Elizabeth walked up to Sheppard's bed and stood beside Carson. "Please tell me you called me down here with good news," her voice pleaded.

Beckett took a deep breath. "I'm afraid not. Elizabeth...his systems are shutting down. There's very little brain activity. I...I don't think he'll make it through the night. You need to let his team know...in case they want to be with him."

Suddenly Elizabeth couldn't breathe and the room began to spin. Beckett put his arm around her and helped her to a chair. "Lean over and put your head down," he urged, gently pushing her head toward her lap. After a few minutes, she sat back up.

"I'm okay. I'm sorry, I just...I just...It's so unfair."

"Aye, I know. I'm sorry, Elizabeth. There just isn't anything more I can do for him. I guess I should have let him go the other day. It would have been easier than losing him twice."

"No, I don't believe that. You never quit as long as there is a chance. Never. You did the right thing. I'll call his team."

Elizabeth contacted Ford by radio. "Lt. Ford, this is Dr. Weir. Where are you?"

"Lt. Ford, Ma'am. I'm here with Teyla in the mess hall. Is something wrong?"

Elizabeth tried to find the words. "I'm here with Dr. Beckett in the infirmary and he thought I should contact you. He...he thought you two might want to sit with Major Sheppard. He may...Dr. Beckett thinks there's a chance he may not live through the night."

Ford closed his eyes and bit his lip a second. "We're on our way."

Next, Elizabeth contacted McKay. "Rodney, this is Elizabeth. Where are you?"

"I'm shopping at the mall, Elizabeth. What do you think? I'm in the control room trying to bring Atlantis back on line. You know, where I've been for the last two days. And yes, I'm fine. Radek and I are getting close if we could get people to leave us alone."

"Rodney...I need to talk to you. John's...Carson says that John's systems are failing and...he may not make it through the night. He thought his team might like to stay with him." There. She'd said it.

There was a brief pause, after which Rodney's very neutral and controlled voice answered. "I'll try to make it after while. I have to finish this first. Thanks for the update." And then the radio went dead.

Elizabeth looked up at Beckett. "I'm a little worried about Rodney. Maybe I should go talk to him."

Beckett shook his head. "Just give him some time, lass. He's havin' as hard a time as any of us dealin' with this."

Zelenka turned to McKay. "You should go, Rodney. I will continue working."

"No...we have to finish this and we have to finish it now. You can't do it alone." McKay kept working, his heart heavy in his chest. Part of him wanted to drop everything and rush to the infirmary. He loathed the thought of going there to find that Sheppard was already gone. But he couldn't stop working. He couldn't explain the drive within him to finish getting the city back on line, but somehow, a lot depended on him doing just that. And he felt like he was running out of time, even though no one had given him a time limit. He was barely keeping the panic at bay and he had no idea why. He knew they all thought he was in denial, that he couldn't deal with the fact that Sheppard was dying. Maybe he couldn't. He knew he couldn't let himself think about that now, because he had to fix the city.

"Keep working Radek. We have to get this done."

"Rodney...if Major Sheppard dies and you are not there...how will you feel?"

McKay paused and closed his eyes, the thought making him shudder. "Not good Radek. But I can't help him...and I can help Atlantis. I guess...I'd like to be able to tell him I fixed Atlantis before he...goes."

Zelenka reached over and patted McKay's shoulder. "Then we should get back to work."

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McKay rushed into the infirmary, suddenly terrified that he was too late. He quickly made his way to Sheppard's bed, surrounded by curtains to provide him and his team with some privacy. He was relieved to hear the familiar sounds of the monitor and the ventilator as he entered the area that was Sheppard's room. Ford and Teyla stood on the left side of the bed, Teyla gently rubbing her hand down Sheppard's arm. Elizabeth was on the other side of the bed, touching Sheppard's face with the back of her hand and talking softly to him.

"We're here John. You're not alone. We're all here for you and we're not going anywhere." She just kept talking to him, gently reminding him that he was not alone. He joined Beckett and Strauhan at the foot of the bed. His eyes were drawn to the monitor and realized the pattern was weak and irregular.

"I was getting worried, Rodny. I thought you weren't going to make it. I don't think it'll be long now," Beckett told him quietly. McKay nodded, not sure he could find his voice to say anything. He just stood watching for a few minutes, trying to let it sink in that he was here to watch his best friend die. He had let himself open up to this cocky, fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants pilot and actually let himself care about someone besides himself. And darn, if it didn't hurt. This was a lesson hard learned. And to top it all off, it was his fault. If only he'd taken Sheppard and his complaints about the ZPM seriously. He had just thought the man was being paranoid - kind of a military necessity. He made his way over to stand by Elizabeth and reached down to touch Sheppard's hand.

"Major...I think we have Atlantis ready to go back on line. Radek is putting the finishing touches on everything, but they should be giving it a try in just a few minutes. You might want to hang around and see the real power come on. Besides, you have a lot of I-told-you-so's to give me, don't you. Looks like you aren't color blind at all. Maybe just a little more perceptive than the rest of us. Anyway...it's been an honor to get to know you...You're pretty smart for a military goon."

Ford smiled at that. He leaned forward and placed his hand on Sheppard's leg. "We're here, sir. Just wanted you to know...we're with you all the way."

None of them missed the fact that the heartbeat on the monitor was becoming more and more irregular. Teyla grabbed onto Sheppard's hand and squeezed and Rodney, seeing her, did the same with the other hand. Elizabeth was running her hand across his forehead and smoothing his hair back. She leaned over and whispered in his ear. "We love you John...we'll miss you."

The heart monitor alarm sounded as the line went flat. Nick bowed his head as Beckett turned off the monitor, silencing the alarm. He heard Teyla began to cry and he thought he heard a choked sob from Elizabeth. And then the lights went off and they were all plunged into darkness.

TBC

Yeah, I know. It's a sickness. Just hang on.


	21. Chapter 21

Sorry to have left you hanging last chapter (okay, so I'm not really sorry - I did it on purpose). Yes, I know I'm sick and no, I don't want help for it. (evil laugh!) I promise to take it easy on you this chapter as a reward for hanging around so long, because you know that I really appreciate all of you. Also sorry for the delay. I meant to have it up last night but I got distracted by some RL events.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 21

"What's going on?" asked Elizabeth.

"It's okay," replied McKay, carefully moving to the edge of Sheppard's cubicle while trying not to knock anything over in the darkness. "They are about to power up Atlantis's main systems in 4...3...2...1..." The lights suddenly flickered and then came on strong. "There!" he said triumphantly. He then turned slowly back around and gazed sadly at Sheppard's still form. "I told you we almost had it back on line...if you just could have..." He turned and looked away, afraid he would lose it completely.

Nick suddenly took in a deep breath. "Carson," he said quietly. "Turn on the monitor." Beckett looked at him in confusion.

"What...why?"

"Just...turn it on." Beckett followed Nick's gaze to Sheppard's hand. Two fingers straightened slightly and then relaxed. Beckett felt his heart leap to his throat. He reached over and turned the heart monitor back on. The motion caught everyone's attention and they looked on in suspense.

"Beep...beep...beep..."

Neither doctor could believe their eyes. The rhythm was stronger and more regular than anything they had seen since moving Sheppard to the infirmary.

Teyla wiped the tears from her face, disbelief in her eyes. "I do not understand. How...how is this possible?"

McKay snapped his fingers, his expression indicating that the light bulb had just come on. "Why didn't I see it sooner? It was right in front of me. Although I must have subconsciously figured it out...that's why I was in such a hurry to get Atlantis fixed." McKay was grinning from ear to ear.

Everyone else was totally confused. "Rodney," said Carson. "What are you talkin' about?"

"It's the connection...don't you see? Sheppard is connected to Atlantis. When we attached the defective ZPM, he was physically connected to Atlantis. Whatever it was that downloaded into Atlantis also downloaded into the Major. His systems shut down just like the city's systems shut down. When we got Atlantis back on line, Sheppard...came back on line."

Carson rolled his eyes. "Rodney...he's not a bloody computer. What do you mean he downloaded the...whatever it was and he...came back on line."

"Well...I don't know exactly...but all of this is related to his connection to Atlantis. I need to get to the lab and see if I can figure this out." McKay started to head for the door, then stopped and turned back to Beckett. "He's...he's going to be okay now...right?"

Beckett just shrugged. "Rodney...this is all new to me. All I can tell you is that he's doin' better than he was before."

McKay nodded. "Well duh, Carson. Even I know alive is better than dead. I need to figure this out...it could help him get better. Call me if there's any change."

Beckett nodded. "Aye, I will. Go." McKay hurried out the door.

Teyla looked up at Ford and smiled. They moved back over to the bed and each placed a hand on Sheppard. "Welcome back, sir," said Ford.

Elizabeth pulled the chair up to the side of the bed and took Sheppard's hand. She interlaced her fingers with his, careful of the IV taped to the back of his hand. "I'm glad you decided to stick around. We're still here with you." She placed her other hand on his so that his hand was surrounded by both of hers and leaned her forehead against them, the tension of a few moments before being replaced with blessed relief. She felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks and was glad her face was hidden.

Beckett and Strauhan had been busy double checking the ventilator, IV, finger pulse oximeter, and heart monitor. When they were satisfied that everything was okay, they checked Sheppard's vital signs and recorded them on his chart. Both were pleased. Heartbeat was stronger and more regular and blood pressure was up slightly.

Nick smiled at Carson. "Sometimes I love this job." Beckett just nodded in agreement.

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"OW! What are you doing back there Carson, bleeding me with leeches or something?"

"If you'll be still, Rodney, it will not hurt so much. It should not hurt at all."

Elizabeth could hear the annoyance in Carson's voice as she entered the infirmary. She allowed herself a small smile at the banter taking place just ahead of her. It was much more reassuring than the somber silence of just two days before.

"What's going on?" she asked as she approached the exam table with Rodney McKay seated on it. He was wincing and ducking down as Carson tended to the wounds on his back.

"Oh, I'm just tryin' to check Rodney's stitches and change his dressin'and you'd think I was attemptin' major surgery without using anesthesia."

"I'm not too sure that's not what's going on back there," Rodney said, ducking away from Beckett again.

"Oh, for pity's sake, Rodney. Just sit still and we'll be done in a minute. Major Sheppard doesn't dance around this much even when he's **had** major surgery."

Elizabeth grinned at the arguing pair. "Speaking of Major Sheppard, how's he doing?"

"Better. His vital signs are gettin' stronger. I think I'll start weaning him off the ventilator tonight. I may have him off it tomorrow afternoon or evenin'. You know, I'm beginnin' to think Rodney has somethin' with this connection to Atlantis. We've been monitoring it and every time he brings more systems up, the Major's vitals improve. I think it's a bit much for coincidence."

"Has he regained consciousness yet?"

"No sign of that yet, lass, I think it'll be another day or two, even if he continues to improve. You have to remember...he died...twice. It's goin' to take him a while to recover from this one."

Elizabeth nodded. "I know. I'm going to take a look if that's okay."

Beckett nodded. "Go ahead. I'll be along in a minute..." He snuck a disgruntled look at McKay. "...or two."

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It was another two days before Sheppard regained consciousness. The ventilator had been replaced by nasal cannula. Beckett approached Sheppard in order to give him one last check before he left for the night. He found Nick Strauhan sitting in the chair beside Sheppard's bed.

"You're here a wee bit early."

Nick sighed. "Yeah...I know. I just wanted to sit with him for a minute before my shift started."

Carson pulled up a chair and sat down beside him. "This has hit you pretty hard, hasn't it?"

Nick sat silently for a few moments, collecting his thoughts. "I guess it has. And I'm not really sure why." He rubbed his face with his hand. "We talked one night when he was in here and...we shared some experiences. I guess we kind of connected. Then, when I went with his team on that mission...Carson...I can't explain it. I just... I really wanted to go on another one. I want to go with them. Even when we were being attacked by the wraith, I felt...safe. I know that sounds stupid and I know we really weren't safe...but I also knew that they knew what they were doing and they worked together like clockwork to get us all out alive and unharmed. It was the most amazing thing. I guess somewhere in there I developed a new respect for the Major."

"So you...actually like goin' on the missions?" Beckett raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Yes...I think I do." They looked toward the bed as they heard a rustling of the covers. Sheppard was stirring and moaning softly. They got up and moved to either side of the bed.

"Major?" Beckett laid a hand gently on Sheppard's shoulder. "Major, can you hear me?"

Sheppard seemed to struggle for several moments before getting his eyes to open to slits. "Mmmmmm" he groaned.

"That's it, Major. Try to open your eyes a little more so that I know you're awake."

Sheppard blinked a few times and got his lids open a little more. As he brought them into focus, he tried to say hi, but just succeeded in stirring up a coughing fit. By the time he was over it, he could barely breathe. His throat felt raw and sore and his chest hurt terribly. He felt like someone had kicked him repeatedly and every breath sent up new flares of pain. He couldn't figure out why he hurt so much. He understood the headache - he'd almost grown to expect it over the last few weeks, but not the chest pain.

"How about an ice chip, son?"

Sheppard nodded, the movement so slight as to be almost imperceptible. Beckett slipped an ice chip in his mouth and he savored it as it melted and slid down his throat. He had let his eyes droop closed and was alreaady beginning to drift off when Beckett tapped him on the shoulder. He was so tired. Bone tired. I-can't-move-a-muscle tired. He wasn't sure he ever remembered being this tired.

"Come on, Major. Open your eyes again and I'll give you another ice chip." New voice. He fluttered his eyelids, managing to hold them open again. Nick was there with the promised ice chip. After he had savored it, he managed to find his voice, although hoarse and low.

"What...happened?"

"What do you remember, lad?" asked Beckett, talking softly since he knew Sheppard probably had a headache.

Sheppard seemed to be thinking a minute. But he felt disjointed and hazy. He had a hard time concentrating and couldn't seem to think straight. "I don't know...eating in the mess hall maybe...not sure," he finally said.

Beckett gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "It's alright. Memory loss after a trauma is not unusual. You may remember later. How do you feel?"

"Headache...chest hurts...Feel sort of...hazy...like I'm not supposed to be here." Sheppard's eyes were starting to drift closed again. "Sooo...tired..." Sheppard drifted off to sleep and the doctors let him.

Beckett stood watching over Sheppard for several minutes. Nick finally asked him, "Are you okay, Carson?"

Beckett sighed and looked up at him. "Aye...I just never thought I'd talk to him again. It's...strange."

Nick nodded. "I know. If he's got nine lives, we know he's used at least two of them."

Beckett, remembering the time he revived Sheppard on the floor of the jumper after a giant bug had attached itself to the Major's neck, said, "Make that three."

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The next time Sheppard came to awareness, his could think more clearly. He lay quietly in the bed, taking in his surroundings and trying to remember why he was here. It must have been at least a little while since the last time he was awake because the nasal cannula were gone. He heard approaching footsteps and looked up to see Beckett, McKay, and Weir walking toward him. Elizabeth glanced up and saw that he was awake, her face breaking out into a smile. She said something to the others, causing them to stop talking and look his way.

"Major, good to see you're awake," said Carson brightly as they surrounded his bed. He immediately began checking his vital signs and double-checking the equipment surrounding the bed.

"You look pretty good for a dead man," said McKay.

Sheppard furrowed his brow in confusion. "Dead man?"

"Rodney...is that any way to greet the man?" complained Beckett. "Ignore him, Major. I'll explain in a bit. How do you feel?"

Sheppard shifted in the bed, trying to decide how he did feel. Beckett moved the head of the bed so that is sat up a bit. "Tired...kind of sore, especially my chest," he said, rubbing his chest absently. "I feel kind of...weird..."

"Weird?" asked Beckett.

"Yeah...I don't know exactly how to explain it. What happened...why is my chest so sore?"

"Don't you remember," asked McKay. "The ZPM was bad."

Sheppard looked at McKay, now noticing the healing scratches and bruises, the new scar on his forehead that stretched down the side of his face a bit, and the arm in the cast. "What happened to you and what ZP..." Realization hit his expression and he leaned back against the pillows. "The ZPM...there was something wrong with it. I just remember Atlantis screaming at me to get it out...and the pain..." He shut his eyes and shuddered, the memory now fresh and raw. His headached flared for a second.

"Major?" He opened his eyes to find Beckett hovering.

"I'm okay. Rodney...what happened?"

"The ZPM was booby-trapped, not charged. Very cleverly done, I might add. The energy signature was like that of a charged ZPM. It was rigged to deliver a program...sort of like a virus...into Atlantis's systems and shut them down. It was also rigged to overload and explode, taking out the power port. If the thing had actually exploded while inserted into the power port, it could have set off a chain reaction that would have destroyed Atlantis, especially if we had other charged ZPMs plugged into the other ports. If it didn't, the ...virus...or whatever it is...would take down the remaining systems. As it is, a lot of damage was done. But it could have been a lot worse if the program had completely downloaded or if the thing had been plugged in when it exploded. We got lucky."

"Are you okay?" asked Sheppard, scrutinizing McKay for other signs of injury.

"I'm all right now...well, of course my arm is broken and that is a constant source of pain and discomfort. Then there's the cuts on my back that Carson had to stitch up...and let me just say that it's a good thing he doesn't make his living as a seamstress because I really think my grandmother could have done better. As it is, I'll be scarred for life. And then..."

"Rodney!" Elizabeth cut him off with a stern look.

"Oh...yes...I'm all right."

"Is Atlantis completely back on line yet?" he asked McKay.

"Not yet...but we are close. I think we'll have everything back in the next two or three days. I'm just glad we got the major systems on line when we did. We almost lost you a second time."

Sheppard looked up at McKay sharply. "You what?"

McKay looked nervously at Beckett. "Oh...you haven't told him yet?"

"No Rodney, he hasn't been conscious long enough.. But thanks for the introduction...twice." Beckett turned back to Sheppard. "I was goin' to let you get a little stronger before I talked to you about this, but it seems Rodney has moved up the timetable a wee bit."

"It's okay, Doc. Just tell me. I've been dead before, remember? How much worse can it be?" When Beckett didn't say anything, Sheppard began to get nervous. And then he saw the haunted, sad look in Elizabeth's eyes and he was really afraid.

"After you told them to remove the ZPM, you had a seizure and then went into cardiac arrest. We worked on you for quite a while, but we just didn't get any response. I had to go help Rodney after he was trapped in the explosion, but Nick kept working on you for a while. He finally had to call it when he couldn't get you back."

Sheppard looked around nervously. "He called it? So...am I dead and I just don't know it yet or what?"

"Oh wait til you hear this next part. Straight out of the movie of the week," offered McKay.

Beckett gave McKay a warning glance. "You're not going to believe this...but Atlantis talked to me...in my head. She was very weak and I could barely hear her. She said for us to keep trying and she would lead you back...that we couldn't let you die. So we tried again...and we got you back."

Sheppard frowned, looking deep in thought. "I keep having this weird...it's not a memory...it's more like an impression...of being lost inside the city...and Atlantis coming to get me and leading me out. I don't know, I haven't been able to make sense of it yet. It could just be a dream."

Sheppard lay back against the pillow for a moment. "Did you guys...were you ever here...all at the same time?"

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. "Yes...how did you...were you aware we were here?'

"No...not really. I just suddenly had this impression that you had all been here together at one time. So you were?" Sheppard wondered at the sad expressions on their faces. "What?"

Elizabeth stepped forward and took his hand. She looked at his hand, though, and not at his face. He thought for a minute she might cry.

"What is it?" he asked softly.

"Major..." offered Beckett. "I called them all here to sit with you because...I was pretty sure you weren't going to make it through the night."

Elizabeth squeezed his hand. "We didn't want you to be alone, so we stayed with you. Rodney worked on fixing Atlantis until early in the morning. He joined us just before..." Her voice trailed off and she looked back down at her hands.

"...just before you died," said Rodney softly. He shifted his glance from the floor to Sheppard. "And then the city came back on line and you...came back too. Carson and I monitored it after that. Every time we brought a system back on line...you got better. You and Atlantis are connected in a way none of us understand."

Sheppard closed his eyes and leaned back into the pillow. He'd died twice and apparently Atlantis had brought him back both times. He' d died twice. How many times had he almost crossed that line? He thought about his team standing around waiting for him to die and it filled him with a sudden sense of sadness. HIs face felt flushed and hot and he wanted desperately to be alone. He opened his eyes and looked at Elizabeth. Now he understood the haunted look in her eyes. She had sat with him for hours only to watch him die...and now he was back. That had to be unnerving.

"I'm...kinda tired," he said softly. It wasn't a lie. He really was still very tired, but he also wanted to be alone to try to sort out the conflicting emotions now swirling through him.

Elizabeth made a quick swipe across her face with the back of her hand and he saw the tell tale remnant of tear tracks down her face. "Of course you are. We'll let you get some rest. We can talk later." She squeezed his hand one more time before letting go.

McKay nodded at him briefly, a small smile edging up the corners of his mouth. "I'm glad you're back, Major. It would be way too much trouble to break someone new in. I've invested far too much time in getting you trained." He turned and walked out behind Elizabeth.

Sheppard sat thoughtfully for a few seconds before he looked up crossly and said, "Trained? What do you mean trained? I'm not trained, McKay! ...McKay, get back in here!"

Beckett just grinned at the return to some semblance of normal. "Get some rest, Major."

TBC

Okay...was that better?


	22. Chapter 22

Love reading the reviews. Some of you guys really crack me up. Glad you enjoyed the break. Break's over.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 22

Sheppard stepped into the conference room and looked around. The only person there was Elizabeth Weir, seated in her usual position at the table. She leaned back in the chair and clasped her hands across her lap.

"You're early," she commented, noting that he was dressed in jeans and a Tshirt. "It's good to see you up and about. How are you feeling?"

"Good," he said honestly. "I really feel good. I just wish Beckett would believe me so I could get back to work."

Elizabeth smiled, expecting just such a comment from her second in command. "John, give yourself time. You've only been out of the infirmary for a couple of days. It's hard to believe you were on a respirator just a little over a week ago. You've made an amazing recovery."

Sheppard walked over to one of the chairs across from Elizabeth and sat down. "Yeah...that's what Beckett keeps saying. I'm just getting...restless. I feel like I should be doing something."

"Just be patient. It won't be long now and you'll be back on active duty. You don't want to overdo it and set yourself back."

Sheppard nodded. "Yeah...I know."

"John..." She waited until he looked up at her before she continued. "It's good to have you back." The look in her eyes made him shiver slightly. He couldn't get used to the way his team members looked at him now. He knew they were spooked and he couldn't blame them. He was spooked just hearing about it. He just didn't particulary like being the spook.

"Major! Nice of you to join us. I take it vacation time is over," quipped McKay as he sauntered into the room with his laptop in tow.

"Not exactly," said Sheppard, pointing to his attire. "Beckett won't let me on duty yet. But he said I could sit through the meeting, strenuous as it is."

McKay rolled his eyes. "I've already done the strenuous part. I've got a full report about everything that happened."

Sheppard looked a little concerned. "You have a **full** report on **everything** that happened? You know, suddenly I'm feeling kind of tired and weak. I think maybe I should go lay down." Sheppard rose to leave.

"Not on your life, Major. You are staying right here and listening with the rest of us," said Elizabeth sternly.

Sheppard sat back down, shrugging his shoulders. "It was worth a try. Where's Ford and Teyla?"

"Ford should be along in a minute, as well as Carson and Dr. Zelenka. Teyla went with Sgt. Stackhouse's team on a mission to barter for food. She has the most experience dealing with these types of negotiations and his team is still pretty green. I thought they could use her help."

Sheppard and McKay nodded in agreement. Several minutes later, everyone had arrived and the meeting began.

Elizabeth nodded at Dr. Beckett. "Carson, why don't you start us off. You had a couple of interesting things to report, I believe."

Beckett nodded. "Well, as you can all see, the Major is making an excellent recovery from the events of last week. I ran several tests before dischargin' him and made two interestin' discoveries. First, that strange protein that has been buildin' in his blood is now at an all time high. Second, the anomalies that were presenting themselves in his brain waves are even more pronounced now than ever before. And yet, neither seem to be having an adverse effect on the Major. This leads me to concur with the Major's earlier statement that they were a natural sign of his progressing connection to Atlantis."

"Do you have any idea what function of the two changes are or what they mean for the Major?"

"Not at this time." Beckett slid a slightly irritated look at Sheppard. "I have suggested some tests, but the Major isn't interested."

"No offense, Doc, but all of your tests involve wires and needles and things. We'll figure it out as we go. You already said it wasn't hurting me, so what does it matter?"

Elizabeth looked suprised. "Major...this is a scientific expedition. We're here to gather information. We don't have any idea of what the full ramifications will be of everything that has been happening to you. The more we understand it, the more we will be able to fully utilize the value of your experience, as well as possibly help you with any future problems that develop. This is the reason we are here. If you'll remember, this is the reason you are here."

Sheppard sat silently for a few minutes, wishing he had stayed in bed. "Kind of wish you'd mentioned the part about life-sucking bugs, gadgets that zap the crap out of you, and only being invited as a lab rat to torture a little earlier. Fine...whatever. Now's when you should remind me how he brought me back from the dead twice and I owe him a few tests, even if it means spending several more days in the infirmary hooked up to a bunch of machines while he injects me with dyes and things." Sheppard stood up and very slowly walked toward the door. "Now I really am tired. Stop by my quarters when you're done, Doc and let me know when you want me. I'm not on active duty, so it's not like I have anything to do anyway."

Elizabeth stood. "John...don't leave like this. I just wanted to point out..."

"It's okay, Elizabeth. I know what you were pointing out," said Sheppard calmly. "It's my fault. You're right of course. I momentarily forgot why you invited me along in the first place. Beckett can do whatever tests he wants." As he stepped across the threshold, the alarm sounded, indicating gate activation. He glanced back toward Elizabeth before moving out to the control room overlooking the gate. The others came up quickly behind him, with Elizabeth at his side.

"We'll finish this later," she whispered. As she turned to the tech at the gate control console, he turned toward her.

"We're receiving Sgt. Stackhouse's IDC."

Elizabeth frowned. "They're a little early. Maybe that's a good sign. Lower the shield."

They moved over to the railing, where they could see the gateroom below clearly. A few moments later, Stackhouse and another soldier walked through the gate. They continued moving until they were out of the way at the edge of the gateroom. A third soldier walked through, followed by a fourth. Stackhouse looked up toward Weir. "No one was there! We waited a while and then decided to come back."

Weir was about to call back down to him, when Teyla came through the gate. A man dressed in a different uniform than that of Atlantis was behind her, his arm around her neck and a gun pointed at her head. The members of the team that had come through the gate before her immediately turned and pointed their gun at the intruder. Sheppard reached down to his thigh to draw his gun before realizing that he didn't have it with him. The gate shut down.

"Who are you? What do you want?" asked Weir.

"Don't anyone move or she dies. I am Kenau of the Genii. I am opening the way for Commander Kolya to come. We will have Atlantis." Sheppard felt a tightening across his chest and gut at the sound of Kolya's name. He clenched his fists and felt the pressure rising within him. He could not let them in his city again. Never again.

"Throw down your guns or she dies."

Stackhouse replied. "If you kill her, we kill you. And there's no where for you to go. You **will** die."

The soldier smiled. "I am willing to make that sacrifice for my people. That is why I was chosen for this mission. Are you willing to sacrifice this one so easily?"

Stackhouse hesitated and then glanced up at Weir. She shook her head. Stackhouse turned his gun up. "Okay...just stay calm. We're putting our weapons down." He and the others very slowly placed their weapons on the floor.

"Now...get up there with the others." He motioned up the steps and the soldiers slowly complied.

"What next?" asked Weir.

The soldier very slowly began moving across the room. "Now I'm coming up there and dialing the Genii homeworld to let Commander Kolya know it's safe to come through. He is waiting with enough soldiers to take Atlantis. You will be sorry you every crossed the Genii." When he reached the console with the DHD, he indicated the tech was to move. He raised his hands and slowly backed away from the console. The soldier punched in the address and activated the gate. "Now, we are going back down the steps. I have a clear shot at her as well as this console. I will kill anyone who goes near the dialing device." He slowly backed down the stairs, never taking the gun from Teyla's head. Teyla's facial expression was neutral, but Weir thought she saw a hint of fear in the other woman's eyes. She nodded at her, a gesture meant to convey the message that they wouldn't do anything to risk her life.

As the soldier reached the floor and began to talk into his radio, the gate deactivated. He looked up frantically. "Who did that?" All eyes went to the console. No one was within 10 feet of the gate controls. The soldier was getting angrier by the minute and tightened his hold on Teyla. "I said who did that?"

"I did!" Elizabeth noticed Sheppard was now standing at the top of the steps, slowly starting to move down them She hadn't even seen him move over there, distracted by the soldier below. "I deactivated the gate. I can't let you bring Kolya here."

The soldier looked slightly unnerved. "Who...who are you?"

Sheppard continued to move slowly down the steps. "Major John Sheppard."

The man looked visibly shaken. "I've...I've heard of you. You killed many of our men."

Sheppard smiled. "Yes...yes I did. You want to join them?"

"How did you turn the gate off? I was watching...no one ever went near the controls."

Sheppard smiled even more. "Let's just say I've learned a few tricks since Kolya was here last. You're going to need to let her go now."

"No! You need to stop. If you come any closer I'll shoot!" Sheppard could see the man starting to sweat. He was working him into a corner. Sheppard went down two more steps. Without warning, the soldier fired at Sheppard and returned the gun to its position pointing toward Teyla. Sheppard didn't flinch, but everyone else did as the bullet impacted a console behind him, sending up sparks.

McKay leaned over to Weir and Beckett. "How did he miss him at that range?" They just shook their heads, unable to take their eyes from the scene unfolding below.

Sheppard reached the gateroom floor, never taking his eyes from the soldier. "Okay, I've been patient with you, but I'm tired of this game. You've invaded my city and threatened my friend. You **will** let her go right now."

The soldier laughed. "And I guess you're going to make me. You are not even armed."

Sheppard stood looking at the soldier, but otherwise unmoving. After a few seconds, the soldier stopped laughing and yelled, throwing his gun on the floor and extending his hand. He held his right hand out, obviously reddened and burned, and grasped his wrist with his left hand. A shocked gasp was heard from those watching from the balcony above. Teyla immediately pulled away from him and kicked the gun across the floor. She quickly moved to stand beside Sheppard.

"Teyla," he said, still not taking his eyes from the soldier. "Are you okay?"

Teyla rubbed her neck. "Yes, Major. I am unharmed. Thank you." She stammered the last part out, still uncertain if Sheppard was responsible for her release.

"Okay...now this is what we are going to do. It turns out that this is your lucky day. I'm going to let you go." Sheppard watched as the injured soldier in front of him desperately tried to figure out what had happened. Good. He had him rattled. "I'm not sending you to the Genii homeworld, however. I'm sending you to a planet of my choosing. It is up to you to get home from there. And when you see Kolya, give him a message for me. Tell him I said he better not ever try to set foot in my city again or I'm sending him home in a body bag. And you might want to point out that I've learned a few things since we last met. You need to move away from the gate."

"Wha...what?" the soldier stammered. He figured it out quickly, however, when the gate began to dial. He looked back up at the console, along with everyone else in the room. No one was at the controls.

"How is he doing that?" asked Elizabeth to no one in particular.

The event horizon swooshed out and then back. Sheppard nodded toward the gate. "Go!" he said forcefully. The soldier turned and ran through the gate. As soon as he was through, the gate deactivated.

Elizabeth, Carson, and Rodney began to move down the steps. Sheppard stood looking at the gate a few moments. He took a step forward and then went immediately to his knees. Teyla kneeled beside him to find the right side of his shirt soaked in blood. She gasped and pulled back as the others arrived.

Carson kneeled in front of Sheppard, still sitting on his knees. "Major...what happened...he missed you."

Sheppard smiled. "He didn't miss. I just couldn't let him see that. I couldn't let him see any sign of weakness."

Weir and McKay glanced at each other and then back to Sheppard. "John...are you saying you were able to make him...all of us...not see that you had been shot."

"For this to work...you all had to believe the same thing. He'd know if any of you realized he'd hit me." He chuckled softly. "You know McKay can't keep his mouth shut."

McKay looked like he might argue for a moment, then just closed his mouth and decided to keep quiet.

Beckett had been looking at Sheppard's shoulder. "Looks like the bullet went clean through, Major. I don't think anythin' is broken, but we'll need to X-ray you to be sure. You're very lucky, Major. A few inches over and we wouldn't be havin' this conversation. Can you walk or should I call you a ride?"

"I can walk. Just give me a hand up."

They worked together to get Sheppard to his feet. Someone had given Beckett a towel and he was trying to apply pressure to both wounds at the same time. "Come on Major, let's get you to the infirmary." Ford had Sheppard's good arm, helping support him as they walked and Sheppard gratefully accepted the help.

"Sir, maybe they should just assign you one of the infirmary beds to be yours permanently. We could put a few of your personal items around the bed and it'd be just like a second room."

"Everyone's a comedian," muttered Sheppard as they shuffled out of the gateroom. One of the techs was walking with Teyla just to be sure she got to the infirmary okay.

Weir and McKay purposely hung back. "What just happened?" asked Elizabeth.

"I have no idea," said McKay, still looking toward where the group had disappeared down the corridor. "But I think our little boy is growing up. I'm just not sure what he's growing up to be."

TBC

There. That wasn't so bad, now was it?


	23. Chapter 23

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 23

"Are you sure you're okay?" asked Ford, concern in his eyes.

"I am fine, Aiden. Dr. Beckett has examined me and released me. I am merely a bit sore," Teyla assured him, absently rubbing her throat. She picked up her vest and put it on without fastening the front. "Now, I would like to see the Major and tell him thank you."

Ford nodded. "Okay...I think Dr. Beckett's about done with him. I'll go with you."

Teyla looked up at him. "I am fine. I do not need a...babysitter," she said, remembering the earth expression she had heard the others use on numerous occasions.

Ford smiled. "Is that what you think I"m doing? Because I'm not. I'm just...hanging around because, you know...nothing better to do. Besides, I'd like to check on the Major too."

Teyla smiled at him. "Well, you are welcome to join me then. Shall we go?" She motioned forward. They made their way across the infirmary, finding Sheppard with ease. He was sitting on one of the beds, leaned back against some pillows. His eyes were closed and he seemed to be sleeping. He still had his jeans on and his legs were crossed as he stretched out across the bed. His shirt had been replaced by a loosely secured hospital gown. They could see the heavy bandaging on his right shoulder through the thin fabric and peeking out around the edges of the gown. His right arm lay firmly tucked across his lap and his left hand lay across his right forearm, securing the injured limb to his body.

Teyla watched him for a second before turning to leave, not wanting to wake him.

"Teyla?" She turned at the sound of his voice.

"I am sorry, Major. I did not mean to wake you."

"You didn't. Just closed my eyes for a minute. That stuff Beckett gave me knocked the pain back pretty good, but it's also making me kind of loopy. You okay?" he asked, studying her intently for signs of injury or pain.

Teyla smiled, finding it typical that Sheppard was the one all bandaged up and yet asking others if they were okay. "I am fine Major. Dr. Beckett has even released me. I wanted to stop by and tell you thank you for saving my life. I am not certain as to exactly what happened, but I am grateful for your intervention. Without it, I fear the Genii would have Atlantis at this moment."

Sheppard started to reply, but paused as McKay and Weir approached his bed. Weir nodded acknowledgement to Teyla. "How are you two doing?" she asked.

"I am fine," replied Teyla.

Elizabeth smiled and looked over to Sheppard. "How about you? You look a little better than the last time I saw you."

"I'm good," he replied easily.

"Elizabeth...what are you asking him for?" asked McKay. "The man could have his arm cut off and he'd tell you he was okay. If you really want to know how he is, ask Carson. Where is he, anyway? Shouldn't he be here tending to his patient?" McKay looked around for Beckett.

"He'll be back in a minute, Rodney. I'm trying to talk him into discharging me to my quarters, so he went to have a second look at my x-rays. And I AM fine...at least for the moment. Doc gave me some pretty good pain medication before he stitched me up. Just don't expect too much lucidity right now."

McKay snorted. "Don't worry, Major. I never expect too much in that department."

"Oh ha, ha, McKay," said Sheppard sarcastically.

"Boys," said Elizabeth, annoyance showing in her voice. Teyla smiled at Ford, who winked back at her.

Beckett joined them at that moment. "Major...looks like you've attracted a bit of a crowd since I left."

"Guess I have, Doc. So...what's the verdict?" Just then a nurse stepped around Beckett to lay an IV bag and tubing on the table beside Sheppard's bed.

"Thank you Marcy. Why don't you give us a few minutes please." The nurse smiled, nodded at Beckett, and left.

No one missed the crestfallen expression on Sheppard's face. "Doc..."

Beckett crossed his arms across his chest. "All right, Major, this is what I'm proposing. I need you to stick around for a few hours so I can be sure the bleedin' has stopped and you're not in too much pain. I'm also not happy with the amount of blood you lost. I want to set up an IV to get some fluids into your system while you are here. When the bag is empty, if everything else still looks okay, I'll release you to your quarters."

Sheppard sighed, obviously still not very happy. "Okay...I guess I can live with that."

"Someone will come check on you every few hours the first day or so until I'm confident you'll not start bleedin' again or fall out on us. I'll expect you to stay in your quarters and rest unless you are going to the mess hall."

Sheppard nodded. "Okay, Doc. I know the drill."

"Good. See that you actually follow it this time. Now, I need to check your dressing and make sure you haven't started bleedin' again." Beckett stepped over to Sheppard's right side and gently slid the gown off his shoulder. He poked and prodded and checked the bandages in the front. "Okay, that looks good. Now I need you to lean forward a wee bit for me so I can check the back. Go easy now and let me help."

Beckett stretched one arm across Sheppard's chest, while placing the other hand on his back just below the shoulder blade so he could help support the Major as he leaned forward. Ford immediately moved to Sheppard's left side and helped support him from there. Sheppard grimaced and grunted softly, the movement spiking the pain in his shoulder.

"Sorry, Major," said Beckett. "Hang on, son. This will just take a minute." Beckett did a quick check of the bandages on the back of Sheppard's shoulder. "Okay, this looks good. Let's lay you back." Beckett and Ford eased Sheppard gently back against the pillows. Beckett pulled the gown back up and over Sheppard's shoulder, gently tucking the edge around his neck.

"Okay, lad, You can rest now." Sheppard's face was strained with the pain caused by the movement. As he lay there a few minutes, his breathing eased and his expression began to relax as the pain fell back to a dull throb instead of the burning and stabbing pain of earlier.

"Major, are you sure you want to be released to your quarters? You might be better off staying here the night," said Beckett.

"No," Sheppard said quickly. "I'm okay. Just...caught me off guard. Gotta catch my breath."

Beckett eyed him critically and Sheppard thought for a minute that he was going to retract his offer to release Sheppard later in the day. "Well...lets get some fluids in you and see how it goes from there. I'll get the nurse to start the IV as soon as your visitors are gone." Beckett turned to the team. "Five minutes. If you're not gone by then, I'm throwing you out." And with that statement, he turned and left.

Elizabeth looked away from Beckett's path and back to Sheppard. "John...how did you do that...earlier, in the gateroom?"

Sheppard started to shrug his shoulders, groaning in pain as he was reminded why that wasn't a good idea at the moment. "Ohhh...that was smart. Quite honestly, Elizabeth...I have no idea. I just...did it."

"How long have you known you could do things like that?"

"How long has it been since it happened?" he said, answering her question with a question.

"Wait a minute," broke in McKay. "Are you saying you didn't know you could shut the stargate on and off at will until the moment you did it? Or ...do whatever it was that you did to that guy's hand...or play mind tricks on everyone in the room?"

Elizabeth moved over to Sheppard's left side and placed a hand on his good arm. "Just tell us what happened."

Sheppard sighed, not sure if **he** knew what happened, much less if he could explain it to everyone else. "I guess it started when that guy mentioned brining Kolya to Atlantis. I ...I just knew I couldn't let him in my city again...not after the last time. I knew I had to do something to stop him and I was thinking I really needed to get the gate shut down And then it did. I'm not sure what happened but...I knew it had been me. I knew I had shut the gate down and I just...somehow I knew I could do a lot more. I can't really explailn how or why I knew I could do those things...it's lilke it was suddenly just there in my head."

McKay looked thoughtful. "Do you think it has anything to do with your training?"

"I don't know. I wish I could talk to Atlantis...I think she could explain a lot."

Elizabeth looked at Sheppard in confusion. "You haven't talked to Atlantis?"

Sheppard looked somewhat sad. "Not since the chair...the last contact I had was her screaming to get the ZPM out. I'm afraid...I'm afraid she might have been damaged when Atlantis's systems went down."

"I'll see what I can find out," offered McKay. "We don't actually have everything fixed yet. I've got a couple of things I'm still working on...maybe that has something to do with it. I'll work on it."

"Thanks, Rodney," said Sheppard. "I...I kind of miss her and...I could really use her help right now."

"Why are you people still here?" asked Beckett as he walked up to join them. "Does no one here know the meaning of five minutes? Out with you...all of you. You can talk to the Major later." The nurse came up from behind Beckett and made her way to Sheppard's left side, preparing to start the IV.

"Doc...can't they stay," Sheppard pleaded.

Beckett shook his head. "You might as well let her start the IV Major. It's not going to go away. And you need to get some rest, which you won't do if you're talking to them. I want all of you out, NOW!"

Elizabeth raised her hands defensively as she backed up. "Okay, Carson. We're going...we're going."

They each said their good-byes to the Major and filed out of the infirmary. Sheppard felt the nurse prepping the back of his hand for the IV. "Just a little pinch, Major."

_Yeah, just a little pinch, _he thought. _That's what they said the previous huncred or so times someone came at him with a needle. Just one more little pinch. _He closed his eyes as the needle pierced the skin on the back of his hand.

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Nick walked beside Sheppard, keeping a careful eye on his patient as he shuffled slowly down the corridor. He now had on a button up shirt that he had insisted Ford bring him from his quarters. It had been obvious that getting any kind of a pullover shirt on was unthinkable. Sheppard had refused to wear the hospital gown long enough to walk to his room, even though he still had his jeans on. His right arm was secured in a sling and he was obviously walking in such a way as to not jostle his shoulder. He was still suprised that Carson had let Sheppard out of the infirmary so soon.

"You doing okay, Major?" Sheppard was beginning to look tired and he could see from his face that the movement had upped the pain level in his shoulder.

"Yeah...I'm good. We're almost there." A few seconds later a door several feet in front of them opened. "See, we're here. I made it."

"How did you open the door from that far back?" asked Nick in wonder.

"I dunno...just thought it open, I guess." Sheppard moved tiredly into the room and cautiously sat on the edge of the bed.

"Major?"

Sheppard looked up at him. "Yeah, doc?"

Nick shuffled his feet, not sure how to approach the subject. "I...I just wanted to tell you that if...if you need a medical person on any more of your missions...well, I'd be honored if you'd let me go with you again." He looked sheepishly at the Major, half expecting him to laugh at him. Sheppard just raised his eyebrows in suprise.

"Really? Our little encounter with the wraith didn't sour you on off world missions?"

"No...I mean I was scared all right, but...It was so exciting. The not knowing what was going to happen next and when you'd be needed...It was definitely different than a standard day in the infirmary. Don't get me wrong...I love what I do. But I think I'd also like to go out in the field occasionally. It was so...different."

Sheppard smiled to the extent it almost hid the underlying pain. "Oh I know what you mean, Doc. Believe me. I've been missing it all these weeks while I was cooped up here. I'd be happy to have you along. I'll keep an eye out for missions where you might be helpful and let you know. If you're going to go out regularly, I need to check your weapons training myself."

"No problem. Just let me know what you want me to do and when," Nick responded eagerly.

Sheppard nodded. "I will. Might be a few days, though." He nodded toward his shoulder.

"I know. That's okay. Speaking of which, let's get you settled."

Sheppard leaned over and began trying to untie his shoelaces. He was fuzzy from the drugs and trying to undo the knot one-handed, so it took what seemed like forever. Nick started to offer to help, but then thought better of it. Sheppard seemed to crave a little independence. He finally got the knots undone and kicked his shoes off. Nick did step forward and help arrange the pillows behind Sheppard and helped Sheppard scoot around until he was semi-comfortable.

"How's that?" asked Nick.

"Not bad," replied Sheppard. He was having trouble finding a position that didn't put pressure on his shoulder or back. He finally seeemed to get settled and lay still, now looking completely worn out. "I think I've got it, now."

Nick pulled two bottles out of his labcoat pocket and placed them on the table. "Okay, Major, we've got two kinds of pain medication. One of them is mild and will knock the edge off the pain so you can still stay awake and function. The other one says it may make you drowsy. Personally, I think the warning should say it will knock you on your butt, because more than likely, that's what it will do. Only take that one if you are about to crawl into bed and stay a while. That should knock back the pain, even when it's pretty bad, and let you sleep. If that one doesn't handle the pain, you need to call us right away. Carson's note on his chart said he gave you something in your IV this afternoon. You shouldn't need anything more until...oh, about 2100 hours...maybe 2130. Someone will be by periodically to check on you, so don't lock your door. One of us will be by tomorrow to change your dressing and check the stitches. Can you think of anything else?"

"No..." said Sheppard, stifling a yawn. "I'm good."

Nick filled a glass of water and placed it on the table by the bed with the pills. He also checked to be sure Sheppard's radio was on the table and within reach. "Okay, Major. Looks like your set. I'll see you after while." He looked down at Sheppard to find his eyes already closed. "Good night, Major," he said softly as he quietly left the room.

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Sheppard watched in horror as the soldier tightened his grip on Teyla's throat, the look of pain evident on her face. "Help me, Major," she cried. Sheppard reached for his gun, but it wasn't there.

"I'm taking her with me...You'll never see her again." The soldier began backing toward the active stargate.

"No...don't take her." Sheppard shouted.

The soldier laughed and laughed. And then he was Kolya and he had Elizabeth. "I'm taking her with me and you'll never see her again." Kolya laughed at him as he backed into the event horizon, dragging Elizabeth with him.

"NO!" Sheppard tried to sit up, but the pain bolted through his shoulder before he got six inches off the bed and he instantly dropped back down. He grunted as the pressure of coming back down so suddenly jolted his shoulder, sending a wave of misery rolling through the right side of his torso.

"John?" The unexpected voice combined with the sudden touch on his arm caused him to pull back suddenly, further jerking his injured shoulder. He moaned and hissed in pain. feeling like someone had just stabbed him through the injury.

"John, it's Elizabeth. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Are...are you okay or should I call Nick?"

Sheppard eased back down againt the pillows, using his left hand to firmly press his upper right arm against his body. He worked on getting his eyes to open and focus. Fortunately the room was dark, making it easier to get his vision working properly. "Elizabeth...what...what are you doing here?" He looked around the room, trying to be sure he was really in his quarters and not the infirmary.

"I came to check on you. You were having a nightmare. I didn't mean to scare you like that."

Sheppard blinked a few times, still trying to get his bearings. "It's okay...you just...startled me. What time is it?"

Elizabeth looked at her watch. "Almost 10. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay now." He began trying to get his feet over the side of the bed and sit up. Elizabeth got on his left side so she could place her hands on his arm and back and help push him up to a sitting position."

"That better?" she asked.

He sturggled to his feet and she helped him get up. "Yeah...thanks...excuse me for a minute". He made his way to the bathroom, thinking this should be fun. By the time he emerged, she was getting worried.

"You okay?" she asked, a funny expression on her face.

Sheppard flushed. "Yeah...apparently I'm not good with zippers using just my left hand. I was almost desperate enough to call for help."

Elizabeth raised one eyebrow. "Now **that** could have been interesting."

Sheppard grinned and looked at the floor. "No doubt. Hey...let's go out on the balcony for a few minutes."

"John...it's late and you're supposed to stay in your quarters. I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Just for a few minutes. I need some air... to clear my head...get rid of that drugged, sluggish feeling, even if it's just for a few minutes." His eyes were pleading and she had such a hard time saying no to those eyes.

"Okay...but just for a few minutes. Carson will have my head if he knows I drug you outside just a little while after you were shot."

"Thanks," he said. They started for the door, with Sheppard walking gingerly.

"John...you don't have any shoes on."

Sheppard looked down at his bare feet and then over to his shoes. "Too much trouble. We won't be long."

Elizabeth sighed. "Carson really is going to kill me."

TBC

Winding down...hopefully.


	24. Chapter 24

Looks like you made it to the last chapter. Thanks for sticking with me and all my rambling about. I hope you enjoyed reading it half as much as I enjoyed writing it. Double thanks to all of you that took time to review and gave me the motivational boost to keep going. I'll be seeing you soon because, as you may have noticed, I am seriously addicted to this stuff (consider yourself warned).

Okay, this wasn't intentional, but kind of worked itself in anyway while I wasn't looking. There may be a little subtle Shep/Weir. Nothing big, just some vague hints that I think you can take in a lot of ways. Sorry guys, I'm a romantic at heart and this stuff just creeps in.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 24

As soon as the balcony doors opened and the cool night air touched his face, Sheppard breathed in deeply. It was a reflexive action, almost as natural as blinking in response to a bright light. They walked to the balcony railing in silence, each lost in their own thoughts, and stood leaning against it for some time.

"John, we need to talk," Elizabeth said finally.

Sheppard continued to look out across the city and the ocean as he replied. "What about?"

Elizabeth, standing to his left, touched his good arm. He responded by looking down at her, as she had wanted. "About what happened today...Gosh...was that today? It seems like it had to have been longer ago than that." She shook her head, trying to come to terms with all that had happened and with all that had been said. She looked back up at him, silently watching her. His face was a mask, and her usual ability to read other people's expressions failed her miserably.

"What do you want to know?" he asked, his voice neutral and emotionless.

"First I want to talk about what you said in the conference room. You can't really think that your only function is to be a test subject because of the Ancient gene. Please tell me that you don't believe that."

Sheppard looked at her for a minute, his eyes unwavering, and she found herself being slightly flustered at her lack of control over the situation. She could usually read him better than this, but tonight he had built a wall she seemed unable to penetrate. She couldn't help but wonder what was going on in that head of his and was he going to share it.

"Why did you ask me to come here?" he said simply.

She sighed, knowing he was going to play that card. "Okay...your original invitation was based on your ability to use the Ancient technology so readily, I'll give you that. But John, you have become so much more than that. You are an incredible leader...you have to know that. Most of these men would follow you anywhere. Your team has done some amazing things and made some exciting discoveries. You're the military leader of Atlantis now, and you're doing a fine job. John...we've reached the point where I don't know if I could run the city without you. That's how valuable you are."

Sheppard looked away from her and back out toward the ocean, but not before she saw the break in his expression. _Gotcha,_ she thought to herself. She watched him silently stare out over the water for several minutes, the moonlight reflecting off his hair and accenting the fact that it was going about twenty different directions, chaotic even for him. On anyone else, she would have been tempted to laugh and hand them a brush. On Sheppard it just seemed...right. It represented him so well on so many levels.

"I guess in my heart that I know I'm more than a test subject. But on the surface sometimes...that's how I feel. Touch this, activate that...Most of the time it's not so bad. It can be kind of exciting. But lately...it always involves a stay in the infirmary and lots of needles and pain and I...I just need a break from it. Do you know how many times I got jabbed with needles today alone? I lost count between the numbing stuff for stitches, ...and there were a lot of those, and the pain medication, and the IV. I know it sounded like I was being a baby about going in for Beckett's tests...but I've done them all about twenty times each lately and I'm tired getting poked and prodded and stuck. I just want to be...normal for a while."

Elizabeth placed her hand on Sheppard's, resting on the top of the rail. "I'm sorry. I guess I just didn't realize...and I should have. Sometimes we get caught up in the mission of the expedition and forget about the people involved and how everything affects them as individuals...and that is never acceptable. I'll tell Rodney and Carson to lay off for a while and give you some breathing room."

Sheppard nodded and looked back down to her. "I'm not trying to be difficult, Elizabeth, and I'm not saying I won't do their tests. I just need a little time to wrap my mind around everything that's happened and come to terms with it...in my own time and in my own way."

"I know. You take that time. It's the least we can do after saving us from a Genii invasion...again."

Sheppard's expression darkened and he turned back to face the ocean again. "Yeah," he said softly.

"What? What's wrong?"

Sheppard looked down, fidgeting with the edge of his sling. "I'm changing Elizabeth...and I don't know exactly where all of this is going. I'm afraid I'm going to lose myself."

"No. I don't believe that," she said with firm conviction, startling him with her confidence. "I don't know where this will lead either, but you'll still be John Sheppard. Of that, I have no doubt."

Sheppard turned around and looked her square in the eyes. "Look at me and tell me what I did today didn't scare you. Because it sure scared the crap out of me."

He wasn't lying. She could see the fear in his eyes and **that **was what scared her. John Sheppard didn't show fear and the fact that he felt it deeply enough that it showed had her concerned. "I was amazed...excited...and maybe a little afraid, because I wasn't sure what was happening. But I wasn't afraid of you. Never have been and never will be. Power or no power, you are still John Sheppard and you are still a good man. If you hadn't developed those abilities, we'd be in the hands of Kolya tonight. I don't know about you, but THAT scares the crap out of me."

Sheppard ran his good hand through his hair, causing Elizabeth to fight the urge to grin as it stood up even more. Now was not the appropriate time and she knew it, but gosh, wasn't he making it hard. "I saw the faces of some of the people in the gateroom, Elizabeth. They were afraid. They were afraid of me. I'm starting to feel like even more of a freak than I was before."

Elizabeth smacked him soundly on his good arm.

"Ow...what was that for?"

"Well, I wanted to smack you in the head, but I was afraid I'd jolt you're sore shoulder and I'm already going to be in trouble with Carson. You are not a freak, John. I don't know if that's something you came up with on your own or if you're referring to Kavanagh and his stupid remarks, but either way, it just isn't true. There are several people on this expedition with the Ancient gene, so if you are a freak, so are they. And just because you happen to be able to use yours more freely, doesn't make you odd or strange in any way. Do you know how many people are actually jealous? Several. Look at Rodney. He practically foams at the mouth at the thought of being able to activate Ancient technology. How many people have had the gene therapy so they **can** interact better with Atlantis. You are the closest living relative to the Ancients. That makes you pretty amazing in my book. What about Marchaeus? Don't you consider it an honor to be related to him?"

"Okay...okay," he said laughing. "I get it. I'm not a freak. Wow, woman, you are relentless."

"Yes I am...and don't you forget it," she replied sternly, but the twinkle in her eyes contradicted the seriousness of her reply.

They stood in silence for a few minutes, their arms touching as they leaned against the railing, neither wanting to break the contact. "You know, John," she finally said. "If you're having trouble with all the changes, you can always talk to Kate."

Sheppard rolled his eyes. "No, I don't think so. I don't have a good working relationship with shrinks."

"She's very good. She has a very relaxed atmosphere...not intimidating at all."

Sheppard turned his head and eyed her closely. "Are you speaking from experience?"

"Yes," she said as she returned his gaze. "I've talked to her several times. We just talk...and she gives me a new perspective. She doesn't judge me or tell me what to do. If I'm having trouble with a decision, she usually just asks me some questions that I hadn't thought of. When we are done, I feel like I have a more well rounded view of the problem and it helps me make better decisions. If I'm having trouble dealing with a situation that has happened, she points out little things I hadn't considered and I'm able to cope better. I think with all the things that have been going on and the changes you are going through, it might help to talk to her."

Sheppard smiled down at her. "But I don't need to . I already have all that. Elizabeth...that's what I get when I talk to you. You make me think of things I hadn't thought of ...or, sometimes, things I was unwilling to consider. You give me a new perspective. I always feel better about things when I've talked to you about them. Like tonight. You have no idea how much better I feel about all of this than when we first came out here. I guess that makes you my psychiatrist. So, how much do I owe you?"

Elizabeth grinned. "I'll let you know. If that's true...maybe we should schedule appointments more frequently."

"I'd like that," he said softly. They looked at each other for a minute before Elizabeth finally turned away. "So...I'm glad you feel better after we talk," she said awkwardly.

"Yeah...you and...never mind." Sheppard clamped his mouth shut quickly, as if he almost said something he shouldn't.

Elizabeth frowned at him in curiosity. "Me and who? What were you going to say?" Sheppard shook his head. "Oh come on and tell me. Since I'm your unofficial psychiatrist, we have doctor/patient confidentiality."

Sheppard looked at her sheepishly. "Okay, but if you tell anyone, I'll deny it with my dying breath. Sometimes...Rodney gives me another perspective that helps me deal with things. The man can be so darn annoying and then, out of the blue, he points out things that give the situation a whole new twist. He sees some things with amazing clarity. But I swear, if you tell him. I'm not responsible for my actions."

Elizabeth laughed. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. I understand what you are saying, though. Sometimes Rodney can be very insightful. It's just so shocking when it happens, sometimes you almost miss it." Her eyes strayed down to her feet and over to Sheppard's bare ones. "We better get you and your bare feet inside before you get sick. It's getting chilly out here." She looked up to note that Sheppard was holding his upper right arm against his body with his left hand. "You're shoulder starting to hurt?"

He noticed her looking at his arm and quickly removed his hand. "Maybe a little. I think I might be ready for one of those pills about now." He seemed a little unsteady as they walked toward the balcony door, so she slid her arm around his waist for support. "That better?" she asked.

"Yeah...much better."

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McKay stood outside the balcony doors, looking at the lifesigns detector in his hand. The little blip on the balcony should be Sheppard. He walked through the door to see the Major sitting in the far corner, his back against the pole connecting the front and side railing. His legs were stretched out in front of him, right leg crossed over the left. McKay began walking toward him.

"What are you doing out here? I thought..." He stopped short as a plastic cup landed on the ground in front of him, almost hitting him in the head. "Hey!" He looked up, trying to figure out where it had come from. "What was that?"

"If I'm not mistaken, it's a cup." said Sheppard matter-of-factly.

McKay rolled his eyes. "Well I can see that. Where did it come from? Is it suddenly raining plastic cups? Hey...this is from the mess hall." He narrowed his eyes at Sheppard. "What are you up to? And I thought you were supposed to be resting in your room."

"I've been resting in my room for two days, Rodney. The first day wasn't too bad because I was taking the pills that, as Nick says, knock you on your butt. I was pretty much out of it that day. But I've weaned myself down to the milder pain pill and I'm losing my mind sitting there staring at the walls. Besides, except for the soreness, I'm feeling pretty good. I just needed to get out for a bit."

"Okay...I guess you don't look any worse for wear. But really, what are you doing?" Rodney held the cup up to emphasize his question.

Sheppard grinned. "I've been doing a little research of my own. Throw the cup off the balcony as far as you can."

"What? But then..."

"Just do it!" interrupted Sheppard.

McKay, looking confused, walked over the the balcony and looked down at the water below. "Okay, here goes." He hurled the cup as far as he could. He watched it slowly arc down toward the surface of the water. Then, to his amazement, just before it broke the surface of the ocean below, it smoothly turned and began moving up, back toward the balcony. Rodney stood mesmerized for a moment before he realized it was headed straight for him. He took a couple of steps back and then held his hands up defensively in front of his face. The cup bounced off one hand and dropped to the ground.

"Nice catch, McKay," said Sheppard sarcastically.

"Catch? How was I supposed to catch that?" sputtered McKay. "Do you see a glove on my hand? Neither do I. I need my hands, Major. I'm not catching fast moving objects with my bare hands. How...how did you do that?"

Sheppard grabbed the railing with his left hand and pulled himself to his feet. He then walked over to stand in front of McKay. He stood there a few moments, looking at McKay.

McKay became uneasy. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Nothing. Just trying to read your expression." Sheppard leaned over and picked up the cup. "I was trying to decide if you were disgusted...or freaked out...or just plain afraid."

McKay looked slightly hurt. "Try amazed...or exhilarated. Why would I be afraid?"

"I don't know...maybe because that's what I've been seeing in people's faces. When I walked into the mess hall this morning...it went from noisy to dead quiet in a matter of seconds. The guy putting food on my tray was shaking so bad I thought he was going to spill it everywhere. You ever have an entire room of people staring at you while whispering to one another? I was so freaked out, I just took my tray back to my room and ate." Sheppard walked over to the rail and leaned against it.

"You know, not everyone is as open minded as I am. It may take them a while to get used to the idea of Sheppard the Ancient. Just give them some time." McKay joined him at the railing.

Sheppard snorted. "Sheppard the Ancient?"

"Hey...it's not so far fetched. Has it occurred to you that some of these...powers you have developed are very similar to things the Ancients could do?"

Sheppard looked thoughtful. "Not really. I was too busy being freaked out. I never asked for this, Rodney... Do you think I'll be able to do this stuff outside of Atlantis?"

McKay shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea. There's only one way to find out."

"Yeah, I know. It'll be a while before Beckett lets me out of Atlantis, though. We'll just have to wait on that one."

"So...what else can you do?" Rodney was nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"I'm not sure. I was just...kind of experimenting with control. I haven't really tried much of anything new. You just saw my best parlor trick so far."

"Oh, Major...this is no parlor trick. Have you thought of the possibilities...especially if you can do all of this off world. Just think...the next time we're running for our lives, you can dial the gate as we run. We won't have to stop at the DHD...that could translate into less infirmary time."

Sheppard's expression brightened. "Hey, I hadn't thought of that. Now **that** would be handy."

"See...you just have to be positive." McKay looked somewhat horrified. "Oh my gosh, this is so backwards. You're supposed to be the eternal fountain of optimism and I'm supposed to relay stories of gloom and doom. Now **I'm** freaking out."

Sheppard laughed. "Hey, maybe we switched and I'm really you and you're really me."

"Now that's just sick!" said McKay, looking truly disgusted. They stood, looking out over the water for a few minutes. "Hey...have you thought any more about continuing your training sessions?"

"I talked to Elizabeth about it last night. I think I'm going to temporarily suspend them."

"What? Why? I thought you were really excited about them and look at what you've learned so far."

Sheppard sighed. "I know, but...I've been out of commission for a while and somewhere along the way, I lost touch with what was going on. I was reviewing mission reports from the teams yesterday and I realized that the wraith are closing in on us. Rodney, I think my first priority is going to have to be finding a ZPM. With one, I can protect the city. Without one...well, let's just say we don't want to go there."

"You could do both."

"No...I can't. I'm being realistic, Rodney. The chair sessions wipe me out and you know it. I can't function on a mission like that. We can continue the training after we find a ZPM and ..." Sheppard looked away from McKay and back out to the ocean.

"You need Atlantis, don't you?" asked McKay.

"I'm not sure. I think I can do the sessions without her, but I don't want to. She's my guide. She's the one that made me want to wake the city back up. Without her...it's just not the same."

McKay nodded. "I don't think she would want you to quit and besides, I'm still working on finding her. You can't just give up."

"I'm not giving up or quiting. It's temporary. I still want to finish the sessions, but I'm serious that we need to find a ZPM. I'll come back to them, McKay...I promise."

"Well...okay. I guess you're right. A real ZPM would certainly make our life better."

"Did you ever figure out what happened with the other one?"

McKay nodded. "Yes, at least I have a theory. I found evidence of wraith technology. The ZPM powered some sort of shield on the planet. I think when the ZPM failed, the shield failed, and the wraith culled the planet. The wraith found the power source and set a trap for any Ancients who came to retrieve the ZPM. I'm serious about what I said before. We came dangerously close to blowing up the whole city. Guess we'll have to use your new, improved color vision as a sort of ZPM booby trap detector."

"Yeah, I guess. I told you I wasn't crazy. Hey! Guess what? I think I have a new team member. Dr. Strauhan wants to go on some more missions with us."

"You're kidding. The wraith attack didn't scare him off? Man, we would have had to carry Carson back through the gate. Well, good for him."

"I think I'll see if he can go with us next time...get him a little field experience. There's been a lot of times it would have been handy to have a doctor along."

"Who are you kidding, Major. It would be handy for us to have a doctor nearly every time we go through the gate." McKay paused for a moment. "Let's go grab some lunch. I'm starved."

Sheppard seemed uncertain. "Why don't you go. I'm not very hungry."

McKay frowned at him. "You can't hide in your room because people might talk about you. You have to get out and be seen, so everyone knows you are still Major John Sheppard. Come with me. Everyone will see you eating with me and know that you must be okay. They'll know you must be safe or I'd be too scared to eat with you."

Sheppard nodded and followed McKay as he headed for the balcony door. "Good point."

"Good point? That's all you can say," said McKay, looking disappointed. "You should say something like, Oh no, McKay, people don't think that at all...or...no, McKay, everyone knows how brave you are. Instead you just tell me good point? See if I come check on you ever again."

Sheppard grinned as they went through the door and down the hall. "Thanks, McKay."

McKay continued to walk beside him. "You're welcome."

THE END

If you are thinking I left some things unanswered, you're right. I plan on doing a sequel to this one (it seemed better than adding several more chapters). It probably won't be my next one, cause I've already jotted down a rough draft of about two chapters on another idea. Plus, the sequel will have to deal with some problems I've created in this one by getting seriously off track from the series. I've got to figure out how to proceed next without getting too far off base and I would like to somehow move forward into the second season. I'm not sure that's possible right now. Anyway, I'm sure I'll see you soon (not sure if that's a good thing or not, but I'm way too addicted to quit).


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